Is being a SM easier when you start off with young Skids?
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My boyfriend and I often talk about how hard step families are. (I came from one..and all of us kids were 3rd grade and up) My boyfriend however has a 2 year old daughter and 6 year old son. They both seem VERY comfortable with me, and when they are at our house, we do things as a family..and they often choose me over him for certain things. I read about all these stories of the teenager years and how hard they are. I was young and bonded a lot with my step mother (because i despise my bm) but my older sister fought constantly with her and ended up moving out before she even graduated. So is it easier if the kids grow up with me, or will teenage years ALWAYS be hard no matter what...?
I would say so. The journey
I would say so. The journey is longer but it is easier to bond with the kids. I met SD when she was 3, got married when she was 4 and now she is 6. She does not remember a time in which her parents lived together, she slightly remembers the time in which I wasn't around, but she will grow up having me in her life 100%.
I started living with my half brother when I was 5 or 4, and I can tell you that I do not remember a time in which my brother didn't live with us, same thing there. 10 years from now, she will look back and won't remember a time in which I wasn't around.
I think it would be harder to bond with an older child that has already had many years of parenting that might not be the ideal parenting in one's perceptions. Also, the kids might have grown up either with parents together or with the fantasy of it.
I love my SD6 dearly, and she loves me, and like your skids she comes to me to most things. We have a great relationship and the bonding time that is happening now will help (i hope) when those teenage years come around and I need to get my strength somewhere and remember what sweet little girl she really is.
i have known my sd since she
i have known my sd since she was 3 and a half. she is 6 now. Me and dh didnt get together till she was 5 though, but she probably doesnt remember her mom and dad being together. bm also has a bf that she lives with as well. I do think it is probably easier to enter in a child's life when they are younger and are in their lives on a regular basis. We only have sd EOWE (which sucks but we live far away from bm and her so no other choice for now) but she seems pretty receptive to me for the most part. It is also easier if the bm is cooperative and not crazy(and wants to do whats in the best interest of the child) bm here... sometimes is cooperative only if it will help her out in the long run, but she doesnt cause that much drama (not yet anyway, but i think she is planning something...)
Hello Soon2beSM--Even the
Hello Soon2beSM--Even the best relationships between parent and children will be challanged by teenage years.
Experts will say it's easier being a stepmom when the kids are younger, especially under the age of 5, because young children are still being molded by the adults around them. However all that backfires if there's a high level of anomosity. This can prevent the relationships from forming in a healthy way.
YES! In my experience at
YES! In my experience at least. MY Skids now are 12 and 11 (10 & 9) when their dad and I started dating. It takes them longer to warm up to anyone at that age I think. Regular teenage issues are magnified.
When I met my exDH my son was only 2. He's much closer to him than he will ever be to my current DH. He respects my DH and likes him but I don't think it will ever be a close relationship.
I've still had my share of
I've still had my share of issues. My SD's were 2 and 6 when DH and I started dating seriously. Things were GREAT with them in the beginning. I really didnt have much trouble at all until the oldest was 9 and as soon as the trouble started with her, trouble with her sister soon followed. IMO a lot of it has to do with BM and DH and how they encourage a relationship...also how you react to upsets that involve the kids. Im sure when you compare apples to apples having the kids in your life at a younger age is easier then getting involved when they are teenagers but it doesnt come without its problems
It's more about the
It's more about the parents
Than the kids. I met SD when she was 9 and things were great....for awhile. But the guilt parenting by my DH and the PAS by BM took their toll. The teenage years were hell and the young adult years are better only because I demanded that she get her own place (this was at 25 YO).
If all the parents can get on the same page about parenting and comminicate with each other - you have a good chance.
My BFs kids are now 4,6 and
My BFs kids are now 4,6 and 9. They loved me from the first day we spent together.. Me and BF were shocked by how well it went.. They asked to stay the night the very first time they met me and were crying when they had to leave lol.. Ever since, its wonderful.. I do think its easier when they are younger. And even tho BM is a crazy nut bag, she doesn't degrade me to her children cause she knows that I treat them well, and has thanked me several times..