I have been with my husband for almost ten years and married for four. We have two children 7 & almost 3. We both work full time, love each other like crazy and have a full family life. Yet suddenly, I find myself in a position that makes me want to cry.

When I met my husband, he was up front about the fact his ex girlfriend had become pregnant shortly after they split up (this was six months prior to us meeting). He was honest about the fact that she was expecting twins and the possibility existed in his mind that he was the father.

He had pursued her a few times to question the paternity of her unborn children. Not only did she refuse to talk to him, but she would not take calls from his family (parents, and sister) inquiring about it either. So, at one point, my dh contacted met her in person at her job to ask her face to face about these babies. She told him (verbatim) "these babies do not belong to you and if you do not stop harassing me, I will have a restraining order taken out"

Good enough, so he stops trying to contact her. He hears through the grapevine that this woman has delivered twin boys. We were young and recently together, were very strapped for money, so went and sought free advice at a legal clinic as to our position. Basically, the lawyer advised us that a) if she denied paternity and refused a DNA test, we could be in for a long and expensive legal battle, and b) Was my DH SURE these kids were his? If not, and the DNA tests were negative, he could end up footing a five figure legal bill for himself and likely have to pay HER legal fees instead. Basically we were told to cut our losses and move on. So we did.

And the b#tch rises again...

Fast forward almost ten years. We're happy, and finally making decent money, making ends meet and we get a letter from an Ontario Works (welfare, for those outside Canada) Coordinator stating that my husband has to submit pay stubs and tax returns so they can determine how much support he needs to pay for his two children with this ex.

Of course, we refuse and respond to this worker that he has no children with this woman, and that if they want his financials, they can pay for a DNA test first.

We get told that because HE is disputing the paternity, HE has to pay the costs. Which we're told are only $400 if Welfare requistions the tests. Which is a steal in ON (I've heard $900 per child some places). Top this all off, we're trying to buy our first home, so money is TIGHT. In the end, we get a bill for $650 for the two kids, whom he's never seen, does not know when they were born or doesn't even know their names!

Right now, we're on the verge of paying (we have no choice either way) and getting this test completed. What really makes me angry I guess is that I know that this woman DOES NOT want anything to do with my DH (and god knows what she has told her sons). However, the welfare laws in Ontario state that any person who draws a cheque must exhaust all financial resources to be eligible for support, which in cludes child support if the client has children. NOw, this woman is a welfare HO. ALthough we do not have minute knowledge of her life, me and DH have kept 'tabs' so to speak on this woman since we were together. We know that she's a welfare lifer, has no desire to work, LIVES with her parents (and according to DH, does everything they say and THEY didn't like him, hence her breaking up with him), and he believes she used him to become pregnant to get a welfare cheque. That being said, b/c she lives @ home, she gets a reduced amount of welfare because she has parental support. WIth my DH's income, he would pay about 50% MORE than her welfare cheque gets her if these children are his and he has to start paying.

We are preparing ourselves for a positive result (these children strongly resemble my husband). I find myself suddenly thrust into a very bad situation.

1) These children are nine years old. How do we even get to meet them if the mother is unwilling? We don't know where to find her or contact her b/c welfare cannot GIVE us this info!!!! Privacy laws prohibit it. Seriously.
2) What has she told her children about their father? Doubtly the truth...that thru her doing, she had deprived them of the right to know WHO they are.
3) If we have to pay her more than she currently get, what gives this woman incentive to better herself now? I've worked my butt off everyday since my family started to improve our quality of life.
4) To top if off, she lives at least two hours from our house. She lives in a rural locale with no car. We would be responsible to foot the bill every time for my husband to maintain a relationship with his sons. She doubtfully will contribute anything, especially since she was FORCED to contact him at the outset.
5) Even if we go to court, we have no legal recourse to punish her for her deceit and basically, concealment of my dh's children from him. Sure we could sue, but what would we get from a welfare HO?

I'm so stressed out about this and terrified that this will put a wedge into the extremely close relationship my DH and I share.

ANy thoughts anyone?