Need Bio Dads to Chime In
I am really confused about something and I'm hoping that a Bio dad out there can give a new stepmom like me some perspective. My DH has 3 ex-wives and a kid with each one. The first ex is not a problem. The third one is annoying and pathetic but I can handle her. It's the second one that gets me. She calls/texts my DH all the time (it seems like). And he seems to stop whatever he's doing to tend to her. For example, at our rehearsal dinner for our wedding, she texts him to call her. He promptly gets up from table to call her. We had the kid with us so it wasn't a dire emergency. She was upset because she saw my DH's third wife in the mall and they had a bit of a confrontation. The 2nd and 3rd hated each other, still do, and still like to talk about each other even though neither is married to him anymore. I'm upset because 2nd ex interrupted our rehearsal dinner for that nonsense and even more upset at DH for jumping up from table to go tend to her feelings! She was even calling/texting him while we were on our honeymoon!
He seems to let 2nd ex get away with everything. He doesn't hold her to the court order about custody/visitation and all that. We live about an hour away from kid and they are supposed to meet halfway to exchange child but DH will drive all the way both trips every time we have him. Never makes ex do her share of the driving. She is always bumming free food and stuff off of DH and even still uses my DH's family beach home every summer whenever she darn well feels like it!
Bio dads... What's the deal? Truth be told, we are probably not paying her the CS that the court would normally order but that's because DH wasn't making a lot of money back when they separated. His income has more than doubled since. Is he afraid of her or something? Why does he cater to her so much? I was trying to talk to him the other night in his home office and he cut me off to take a phone call from her! What gives???
BlendedFam Well, you know
BlendedFam
Well, you know what they say... you can't help who you fall in love with. Besides, I can't hold him to some kind of high moral standard when we've ALL made mistakes in our lifetime... even you! I just think it would have been very judgmental of me to say, "sorry, I can't love you or be with you because you made a couple of mistakes." I have an ex of my own and he was a BIG mistake. None of us are perfect.
BlendedFam... And another
BlendedFam...
And another thing... If you read my post, I said that I don't have issues with 1 and 3. So the being married 3 times before isn't the issue. It's ex #2. So, logic would say that if he had only been married that one time to #2, then I would still be having these problems.
when you ask him why he bows
when you ask him why he bows down to ex #2, what does he say? when you ripped a brand new asshole for leaving your rehearsal dinner to repsond to her, what did he say?
I had the same issue with my
I had the same issue with my BF - ex was calling and texting about household things (hello, they're divorced!) or to ask about BD, except BD is 19!! I told him there's no reason for him to be the go-between and if BM wants to know where BD is, she needs to call her not him. I asked that he let her calls go to voice mail and if they don't require a response, don't respond. He's gotten much better with it. In your case, since the BK was with you, there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON for him to take that call. I would suggest asking him to do the same - let it go to voice mail and if it doesn't require a response, don't respond.
kit2kat00 He knows that I was
kit2kat00
He knows that I was upset about the rehearsal dinner night because I've mentioned it several times when talking about her... Like she would come up in a conversation and I would say, "yeah, like the time she interrupted our rehearsal dinner." If he doesn't realize that I'm still upset about that now, 3 months later, then he's completely blind. Every time I mention it though he doesn't say a word.
I've talked crap about her before in the past... sometimes he agrees and sometimes he defends her. I've been calling her a "freeloader" lately every time she gets him to give her something. He says, "I know" but refuses to do anything about it. I think it's because he knows he can't because she will not hesitate for a minute to take him back to court for more cs.
how sad that child support
how sad that child support becomes a tool for BM. even still, I'd refrain from insulting BM. for some reason, even though they're not together, they still seem to feel a need to defend the ex and that makes you look like the bad guy.