vent/question all in one..
Ok, I would like to vent and add a question for anyone who can help me. I've googeled the heck out of this and can't find answers.
So in the beginning of the summer let's say may/juneish BM makes a comment to BF that she had to make a choice between hot water or a/c she could only pay one bill because she didn't have enough money for both. She then tells him she chose a/c cuz its soo hot out. Skids mention to us they've been showering at friends houses or BM parents house. BF pays cs it comes directly out of his paycheck. She was disabled, not sure iif she tech is now, we know she also teaches sunday school and babysits at the church. (Don't know how much she gets)
What I do know if she signs the skids up for every activity imaginable. They have pool passes, memberships at the zoo (which isn't cheap) the skids mention the still have cable tv, ect..
Then at one point we find out they're staying at BM parents house cuz electric is turned off. She gets that back on but skids mention they now don't have tv (good to know she finally chose a bill to not pay that is not a necessity). We know she doesn't have gas still because she recently asked for more money. She texted BF and said if there's anyway he could help with school registration costs, new school clothes, cheerleading costs, or costs for cheer uniforms and accesories. Because she just doesn't have the money for it all and can't get her gas turned back on.
In the decree it does not state that he has to pay any extras (originally after the divorce she decieded to pput the skids in a montassori school, half the tuition was more then BF's check) her gf at the time paid for it.
Here's the thing, she should qualify for reduced lunch/registration fees because she has the kids on medicaid cuz that's what she has. School outfits we would help out with but too often the skids wear new clothes home and come back in clothes that don't fit or look like crap.. I have an issur paying for cheerleading when she has no gas in the house. Seriously, how can cheerleading be someones priority when you have no hot water and winter is approaching so that means no heat. Would this be considered negligence on her part as a BM on raising her kids? Should we call dcfs, woulk they even care? What would you do in our situation?
Sorry its so long but I wanted to give some background first. Thanks for any input.
Wow - sounds like priorities
Wow - sounds like priorities are a little out of whack. Are you and the BF financially able to care for the kids of cs wasn't coming out? I think BF needs to tell BM that she needs to put them in public school or something if she can't afford the tuition. Depending on what state you live in, the school system may cover the sports costs. In addition, pool passes and zoo memberships but no gas?? Sounds like she could use some counseling.
If BM is not willing to make necessary changes and you and BF can afford skids, as last resort, take her to court for emergency temporary custody order -- she is not providing for them appropriately and most judges would agree.
Yeah, my question is are you
Yeah, my question is are you up for having skids full time? Is bf? I would call authorities or child services and tell them what is going on. That she is given cs but there is no running water in the house, no gas and the electricity has been turned off at times. The thing is the kids might end up with bf and is that what he wants? I would also consult an attorney and ask for advice on what to do. Whatever you do don't give her money for cheerleading! Ha! If f is worried about his kids, he can always go to the utility companies, pay the bills, get receipts and document tht he paid those bills so that maybe he can get credited that amount down the road on cs. After paying those bills have him tell her since he paid her bills or HIS kids that he can'tafford to help with anything else for a while because he thinks water and electricity for his kids are more important than cheerleading and new clothes. Then he should go to the attorney's office and see what if anything can be done.
Sounds like our BM. Ever
Sounds like our BM. Ever since the split the house has been full of new JUNK but she is always behind on heating oil, phone, etc. She built a deck but the roof was leaking. Some of these BMs are marginally competent. Sounds like what you are dealing with and I agree it is negligence.
I have a couple different
I have a couple different feelings about this. I completely agree that the BM needs to have her bills paid...bf gives what is mandated for his CS amount and it is up to BM to cover the rest of the whatever her home costs are. It should not ever fall to bf to cover whatever HOME costs the BM can't swing. If she is living above her means...that's her fault. However, I feel that the activities are for the kids. If it is really important to his daughter to be in cheerleading...then he may want to consider paying that fee for her. The only reason I say that is because CS doesn't take into account for the "extras"--it's really only supposed to help with food, housing and clothing. I don't know about ya'll, but, some parents don't get much CS at all...and it should go towards essentials. Sure...BM should cut costs in her life, but why punish the kids interests? Again...make sure this is something important to the daughter before paying it just because the BM asked him to. I just hate to think that the daughter is having to miss out on something just because BM can't manage money....
My skids BM took them to Las Vegas for their vacation this summer and stayed at a nice hotel, went to two different shows (Justin Bieber concert and Criss Angel show), but then had to use her last few $$ to go to the slot machine to try and get enough money for the taxi ride to the airport when they left!!! Then, got home and the skids told us she couldn't afford to get any groceries so they kept calling asking DH to bring them something to eat. He just went and brought them home!!! Why don't these woman know how to BUDGET!!!!??????
Thankyou everyone for your
Thankyou everyone for your advise!!! I do understand about skids being able to do extras and BF helping. I guess what bothers me and him for that matter is she signs them up for it then starts bothering him for money. She doesn't comply with the parenting agreement by asking him if signing them up for it is ok. She doesn't give him schedules for any of their activities, usually one of us has to try and find a schedule online or when an activity falls on our weekend we then ask the coach. Its not fair to us or the skids. I just get frustrated!! Above all I am extremly frustrated about her not paying for her and their everyday needs such as gas and electricity. BF and I live paycheck to paycheck, we have not had cable tv in 5years. We both feel this is low on the totem pole of wants and is definetly not a need. We have plenty of movies and books we can entertain ourselves with. I just wish BM would grow up and learn to budget and stop blaming BF on things the skids can't have.
Sounds like he should refuse
Sounds like he should refuse to pay if she doesn't follow the agreement. She's just playing a power trip with you.
update on this.. oh she makes
update on this.. oh she makes me soooo mad!!!
So last week it was $150 BM needed for SD's cheerleading, yesterday she sends BF a text saying she needs $275 for cheerleading..
Today he tells her no, we have no money. Once again in her text she goes on about how she has no gas and now just recieved a letter saying she's about to get her electric turned off.
He says sorry, I have no money
She then goes into how we both have full time jobs and we have no money after our bills left over to help.
First of all.. The kids are her and his responsibility, not mine!! We are not married yet. We are paying off debt, she gave us no notice to save up for that kind of money to even think about helping. She tells us 3 days before it's due.
I'm so mad right now, I could spit nails..
This is insane! If he
This is insane! If he really feels the need to go beyond the CS responsibilities, have him go to the utility office and pay the bill for the utility.
Maybe, just maybe, your DH has created a situation he can't back out of. I don't think parents should ever go out of the CS agreement because then it's hard to stop it. A BF or BM can pay something extra "to help the kids" but then the gesture gets abused.
I would have a really good talk with DH, especially since you aren't married yet. Talk about parameters with respect to how much YOU are willing to contribute to this mess. You shouldn't have to spend YOUR money the way BM decides.
I live with two skids and my DH. His daughter came to live us in June and his wages are still being garnished. The BM takes the money even though her daughter lives here. And it's tough because I sit here and spend my money on her kids. It sucks!! I pay everything to maintain this home along with my DH. But, I don't buy ANY extras for anyone and nothing special. I keep it simple; always keeping in mind that skids don't pick divorce.
Work this out before you marry.