BD hurt DD over CS
New here, so a little background:
I am a BM and SM. We have custody of my DD and his DS. BM of my SS doesn't pay child support, but buys school clothes 2X a year, pays entrance for ec activities, pays a good portion of school lunches, splits travel costs, etc. All around she does a good job of being involved financially and emotionally. My DD's BD does not, he has given financially less than a grand in the last four years toward her care. He sees her a couple of times a month, and quite honestly doesn't seem that plugged in when he has her. He has completely integrated into his new family and left her out.
FF: A few weeks ago I filed CS against him because I realized BD's new SD gets everything she wants all the while telling me that he can't afford gas to see his own DD (we split it equally despite the fact that he doesn't help and was ordered to provide for all travel). So, he gets notified that he will have to start paying and calls DD telling her that he can not afford 365 a month and is no longer going to be her daddy and to ask her SD to adopt her.
Then a couple days later he calls to apologize, etc. My question is how do I deal with this? My immediate response was to just tell DD that her Daddy made a big mistake because he was stressed, etc. Second, was after I put her to bed: I cried, and got angry (mostly cried for DD's pain). Now, he wants to see her next weekend and she doesn't want to go. I don't want to send her. Ugh!
I think I may have fudged
I think I may have fudged some of the accronyms. I put BD for BF and SD for SF. Sorry!
WOW! That's a real dick move
WOW! That's a real dick move on the part of your ex. How old is your BD? I would've called him back and chewed him a new one in a big way and taken him up on that lovely offer to give up his parental rights immediately. Clearly you have a real jerk on your hands and I'd cut him out of your life and your daughter's life completely. But that's just me. Good luck and stay strong!
She is 12, the perfect age to
She is 12, the perfect age to be completely destroyed by her dad. Ugh! He rescinded his offer to let my DH adopt her, and said he is going to pay CS. I think I am just going to keep her home and let him take me to court. Thanks for the advice and wishes of luck!
That is horrible - what is
That is horrible - what is wrong with some people? I can't imagine telling any kid that, let alone your flesh and blood. I don't want to be your dad over $365 a month? Geez, just be a good mom to her and try to be sure she has some good stable male figures in her life so she sees how men SHOULD act.
@ beaccountable I hate to say
@ beaccountable I hate to say this but 300.00 a month does nothing to help raise a child...If me and hubby were to divorce 300 a month would not even cover daycare for our youngest let alone both of them...we pay 712.00 a month in daycare...now you tell me if 300 is enough to pay?
True, $300.00 a month doesn't
True, $300.00 a month doesn't cover all of a child's expenses, but $600.00 a month ought to. I'm assuming Mom should provide the other half, no?
I agree whole-heartedly Echo!
I agree whole-heartedly Echo! We spend much, much more than double the amount that I asked for on my DD, gladly!We chose the amount to ask for on a calculation of what 2 years of DD's tuition, books, and fees will be at a local state university at today's
cost if he pays monthly until she turns 18. If he pays the amount that was requested monthly it will be 24,000 total. Quite frankly, if my DD wants to go Ivy League this will not touch one year of tuition, books, fees at today's cost (who knows in 6 years).
So, honestly, this amount will do nothing for her care at the present time or through the rest of her childhood/teen years. We will continue to pay for ec's, clothing, food, medical, dental, orthodontic (total orthodontic care alone is going to be 12,000), school fees, etc. (and who are we kidding sometimes just birthday gifts for her friends can run 100 a month so that etc. is pretty broad).
What surprises me is the number of people that think 300 a month is a wild amount for half the cost of raising a child monthly. Bahahahahaha, I don't even want to do too close a calculation on what my DD and SS cost, because I doubt we would want to start trying for another child in two years, as is the plan. LOL
What do you think is a fair
What do you think is a fair amount for CS?
All parents should make sure they can support the kids they have before having more.
Well said
Well said
^^Agreed.^^ I don't
^^Agreed.^^
I don't understand why parents whine about not affording their "new" kids when they already knew the "old" kids needed support, too. Hmm.
I agree!! DH and I have
I agree!! DH and I have considered another child, and the first thing we did was run the numbers (through college) and the effect it would have on our current kids. It makes no sense that anyone would not do that before bringing another life into the world.
I disagree....300 a month
I disagree....300 a month doesn't do much for a childs needs.
School lunches'bkfst alone is around $70 a month. That does not include snacks, drinks, dinners-and some people cook healthier then others which increases the food bill.
If you factor hair cuts-clothing they need, bday presents for partise they go to, after school programs, summer camps, misc gadgets or things they need for school or simply as a treat...then add the cost of utilities for each additional person in the house. I don't know where you live that $300 a month-if you average all the yearly costs is more then is needed.
I understand it's a large amout to take from another family if he hasn't paid so far-but he should have then at least be contributing to what the kid needed-and his response to her- a child- was insane.
I am assuming the BD doesn't
I am assuming the BD doesn't make much, as that is what the courts set it at. What an ass-y thing to say to the kid. My ex did it to my daughter when she was only 9.
I'm sorry it happened to your
I'm sorry it happened to your daughter, as well. It hurts my heart for these babies!!
^^^That^^^ Referring to
^^^That^^^
Referring to Overrit's post
Actually, I had the attorney
Actually, I had the attorney do the calculation and aske for LESS THAN HALF THE CALCULATION. I am putting every penny into a 529 for our daughter because I know the answer will always be that he has no money. Meanwhile, his SD is running around in designer clothes carrying a smart phone.
You sound bitter, I'm sorry that you have been caused pain. BTW, I love that your screen name is beaccountable when you obviously don't think NCPs should be. PS we've been on that side and we were always accountable. NEVER missed a CS payment.
I hope your ex isn't helping
I hope your ex isn't helping to take care of someone else's kid, while trying to avoid taking care of his own.
From Ex, the new wife doesn't
From Ex, the new wife doesn't work and her ex is on drugs and unemployed.
OMG !!!
OMG !!!
My sentiments exactly, and
My sentiments exactly, and why I decided he should at least have money taken from him to pay for the equivalence of 2 years of state university. I am not being cruel or unreasonable, just think my DD deserves to have some education under her belt in case she is a ding-dong like her mom and marries a moron the first time.
Wait, do we have the same ex?
:jawdrop:
Wait, do we have the same ex? not-so-funny LOL - but geez, he sounds like my ex. I am so proud of my BF for being a man and handling things well.
I choosed good this time, I did!
LOL, I choosed good this
LOL, I choosed good this time, too !!