let's play surname merry-go-round!
Forums:
DH's ex-wife is going through her second divorce. She is also changing her name, again. Instead of keeping her current last name, or even switching back to her maiden name, she is going to take back my DH's surname.
I'm trying to keep an open-mind, but it seems a bit provocative of her to take back the surname of her first husband while she is divorcing her second husband. And I'm sure there will be a 3rd husband soon! DH and I have only been married about 3 months. We're still newlyweds.
I would love some perspective on this situation!
#1 - is this common?
#2 - or do you think she is mainly trying to provoke me or us?
I can kind of understand
I can kind of understand this. If I divorced DH I would most likely take back my EH's name because then my DS and I would have the same last name again. Honestly, if I could do it over I wouldn't have taken my DH's name at all because my DS is the odd man out all the time with a different last name.
So if BM didn't have any children with this hubby but she shares a child with your DH then I can actually understand if that is her reasoning.
I don't think it is
I don't think it is completely legal. If your dh contests it I don;t think they can let her. I know in our case that his lawyer told him that he can request that she go back to her maiden name but he choose not too.
to purpledaisies: I was
to purpledaisies: I was actually reading some information this morning on legally contesting her name change. It can definitely be done. She can be ordered to cease and desist, but not sure we really want to go there.....
i've got to agree with this
i've got to agree with this one.
legally speaking, it's her name. she's allowed to have several. your husband doesn't have a patent on it.
but this makes more sense.
i like my maiden name, so i kept it. married or not.
I also kept my maiden name as
I also kept my maiden name as a married woman. So that's probably also something that's making me feel a little uncomfortable.
My DH's first wife - they
My DH's first wife - they were very young and married 6 months kept his name because her maiden name was horrible. His second wife never really changed her name and has her maiden name and I plan on being the last wife and I changed mine to his -
If she has children by your DH then I can see her point in changing it back to his to be the same as her kids. I have a friend who hates her ex - with good reason - he cheated - moved with her across the country then spilt - had his mistress living in his house with him for over a year before she found out - made her son keep it a secret from her - tried to have her labeled as an unfit mother - the list goes on - She keeps his last name only because of her son - when he graduates she is going back to her maiden name.
How do I feel? I have mixed
How do I feel? I have mixed feelings.
I can understand the desire to have the same last name as her daughter. Sure, that makes sense to me. It also makes sense that she has considered how this might annoy us and that has also factored into her decision.
But I also think that she'll be married again soon, and therefore will be changing her name once again. It makes me dizzy to think about having 4 different last names all before the age of 40... it seems very, very confusing, especially for her daughter.
I do appreciate everyone's perspective and I will really work on feeling less annoyed by this situation!
I can't give huge amounts of
I can't give huge amounts of perspective on this issue, but I would have to agree that if I were in this situation myself, it would drive me crazy too! However I do understand BM wanting to have the same last name as her children. I know that I grit my teeth every time I see a piece of mail or something from the school that has BM's name, because she kept BF's last name. I wonder what I will do when BF and I get married, I'm not much for hyphenated last names but something feels wrong about sharing this name that he still shares with his ex. This may be an example of a time when you just have to move on and focus on building your family, and try not to let the shadows of the past haunt you.
I'm kind of in a similar
I'm kind of in a similar situation except that FDH's xW has remarried (going on 3 yrs. now) and she kept MY FDH's last name. :? I have no idea why since she always refers to him as "it" but still she kept his name. Makes me want to slap the taste out of her mouth. I plan on keeping my maiden name until that beast no longer has his. Pffft!! lol.