Will i never be happy?
Ok, so ss (12) and I dont exactly have a loving relationship. He dislikes me lots. We have him EOW. Except beginning this summer-he started "passing" on visits. So far he has passed on 3 weekend visits in the last 3 months-There was one point where we didnt see him for 6 weeks. So anywho, he "passed" on his last visit as he already had "plans" to spend the night with someone (or so he says).
On one hand I want to jump for joy when he "passes" because it reduces the stress in the household tremendously and I dont have to be treated like a leper in my own home. But then on the other hand, it kinda pisses me off. All these years, I was never allowed to "pass". Can you imagine if dh had said something about getting ss and me saying, "You know I think we are just going to pass on this weekend and not get him?" That wouldnt be ok. So I as a 38 y.o. woman can't dictate who is coming to my house, but my 12 y.o. ss can decide if he feels like gracing us with his presence?
There really hasnt been any significant reason for any of the passes. He's not involved in extracurricular's-bm doesn't really do much with the kids so he's not missing out on anything there. I guess I should just thank my lucky stars that he has been choosing to pass!
SHHHHHH - Why are you jinxing
SHHHHHH - Why are you jinxing yourself - now he will probably want to make all of his visits - lol Just enjoy the time!
In my opinion, I think it's
In my opinion, I think it's natural for teen/preteen children to begin spending more time with their friends and less time with their parents.
My parents split when I was 10 years old. I started off visiting my dad every WE. By the time I was 12-13, I had "better things to do" (birthday parties, sports, play with friends, kiss my boyfriend, etc.) so I started opting out of visits with dad. By the time I was in high school, dad had to come to my extra curricular activities just to spend time with me.
My SS began passing on visits with DH when he was about 11 or 12 (although this was preceded by many years of cancelled visits due to PAS by BM and her family). I actually cried when this happened because I realized that SS was growing up and was starting to distance himself from his parents.
I think it's important for your DH to let SS know that he still loves him, even if SS passes on visitation. DH may also need to find other ways to stay involved with SS. In the meantime, just enjoy your skid-free weekends! Don't let SS get you down when he's not even there.
It can go either way. And
It can go either way. And someday he could be living with you full time whilst your DH pays her Child support. It happens!!
Lucky!! My ss doesn't like
Lucky!! My ss doesn't like coming but doesn't 'pass' visits because dh makes him come anyway. I wish he would skip weekends though. So consider yourself lucky!
Oh I know how it is when they
Oh I know how it is when they live there-he lived with us most of his life minus the last 3 years. So, yep I always looked forward to him going to bm's. And yes I am happy that he is choosing not to come at times, but it just seems like he is in control of the situation-not any of the adults. And as far as him being involved in other things-he's not-no extracurriculars and he has maybe one friend. Seriously. His social skills are lacking-so he's not hanging out at the football games, or with his pals, or playing sports. If he were I guess it would make more sense to me-he just doesn't want to come.
I can't wait for the day ss
I can't wait for the day ss is old enough (and has friends hopefully) that he will want to 'skip' visits lol!!!
But I totally get your point, why should he get to decide?
It seems like there isn't a real winning situation here since on one-hand you don't have to deal with him, but on the other you are in control but that means he has to come over...
Maybe make him ask you if he can skip the visit and then in a disappointed tone reply 'I guess that's alright...' and on the inside be all - YAY!!! lol!