BM Trespassing
Ok, here's the deal. Not going to go into detail as to why we chose to do this because it would take forever, but we have asked BM to remain in her vehicle when coming to pick up SS (6). We are doing this in an attempt to protect the SS from any drama that may come up when we see or hear the BM. Yes, it's to the point that we cannot even stand to hear her voice, muchless see her face. We go back to court in 5 weeks but the stuff we have found out in the past month blows me away and makes us both want to just go off on her when she comes to the house. This is part of the reason that we are asking her to stay in her car. She came to pick him up yesterday and after being asked to remain in her car, she still walked up to our door! So we sent her an email asking her to remain on the curbside from now on or the cops will be called and we will have her arrested for trespassing. Is this too much to ask for??? Any suggesstions on how we should deal with her at this point until we go to court??
Ok...this must be a little
Ok...this must be a little overboard since I haven't received a single response lol.
It's hard to tell without
It's hard to tell without detail. According to the case worker in our DSS case, she's pissed because we cannot go see our kids when they have visitation with BM. She said there is no reason why we should not be able to go in their house and see their living conditions. However, I do not know how such a thing may be handled in court, or if it would even be an issue.
actually, if i understand
actually, if i understand right (oklahoma) you may be able to not allow her inside the home, but dont' think you can call cops for trespassing because she pulls up to the house and knocks comes up to the door to get the kids (they are her's, she's not causing any domestic violence?).
what i do when i don't want to see bm...stay where i KNOW she wont see me and i wont see her (ex-laundry room is in back of the house, sunday is laundry day-she rings door bell and kids give hugs and leaves, if she needs to talk to dh, she'll ask one to get dh-i'm usually folding laundry and putting it away ne ways
)..i dont' get out of my car when we go get them but she can't claim trespassing if i stay in the car (which i do ne ways cause i just don't want to be there).
Honetsly, yes, I think that's
Honetsly, yes, I think that's overkill. I don't know the backstory of whatever drama you are hoping to avoid, but BM can cause drama curbside just as easily as she can on your doorstep. If the drama is so bad, I'd have her meet DH at the police station. Otherwise, this just looks like a territorial pissing contest.
Thanks for all the advice.
Thanks for all the advice. She has caused drama in the past when coming to pick up my SS (screaming, cursing, etc.) With both my SS and his older sister standing there and my neighbor across the street watching as well. The drama was due the fact that I picked up my SS at school rather than my husband picking him up. Its just so hard to continue to bite our tongues when we see her. She knows my husband and I are having to take fertility drugs because we can't conceive on our own so she has even screamed out stuff about that in our neighborhood. like when my ex told her she was jealous and that is the only reason she acts the way she does she screamed "jealous of someone who can't have a baby?!"....all the while my SS and neighbor were just staring at her. This is the reason we have asked that she not come to our door anymore.
But how will having her wait
But how will having her wait on the street prevent her from making a scene in front of the neighbors? If anything, it makes it more public, IMO.
Ha ha, it's like this:
Ha ha, it's like this: Please remain in your car for your own safety.
You don't need to control her, just control you. Car, curb or door, it doesn't really matter. She probably likes walking in your yard. There are bigger battles to fight than this one.
Our BM won't come to our house for pick up because IT HURTS HER LITTLE FEELINGS that DH is married to me and we are so happy. Yes, she actually told him that.
I feel like I'm 50 minutes in on a lifetime sentence with these skids. I really hate them and the BM. Yep. True.
I have no idea if it
I have no idea if it qualifies for trespassing or not. However, I do not think it is unreasonable to ask her to stay in the car. Whenver we have had to do pick ups/drop offs with the skids whether it is BM or us the other party has always stayed in the car. Our driveway is gated and unless it is raining cats and dogs I won't even open the gate for her to drive into the driveway and skids have to walk out there }:)
Glad someone doesn't think I
Glad someone doesn't think I am ridiculous for asking her to stay in her car. We live in a subdivision so my SS can walk 15 feet from our front door to her car on his own. She is just very controlling and does as she pleases no matter what. She is the type that would rather my husband give up his rights altogetherso that her life would be easier. She cares more about herself than she does about her own kids. She ran her oldest childs father off when the girl was a baby and she has been trying for 4 years to do the same to my husband.
Yes, I think your SS is
Yes, I think your SS is perfectly safe walking from the door to the car. I think there are probably a lot of ex's that do drop offs this way. Most ex's do not want to see one another and chances are communcation has been done before the drop off so there is nothing to mention. If you think about it, the drop off shouldn't be a big deal so does a parent REALLY need to get out of the car or walk the child to the car, etc...?? Would this happen in another circumstance or would the kid just go get in the car!! If I were you I would have SS ready to go and keep an eye out for her. When you see her coming shove the little guy outside and wish him a great visit! Don't even give her the chance to come up to the door.
I know that sounds mean to
I know that sounds mean to rush him out the door but it really is for his own good. I have played nice even though she tries every single day to make our lives miserable. After 3 years enough is enough! We thought she might get better as time passed but she has actually taken a turn for the worst since she met this new guy and got married. Now she is trying harder than ever to exclude us from my step sons life because she wants her new husband to adopt both of her kids so they will all have the same last name. This is what happened to her as a child. Her father ran off and her moms new husband adopted the kids.
Any ideas on how I can take
Any ideas on how I can take back the whole trepassing thing without her thinking that I am in any way appologizing to her?
Ugh, I HATE it when I have to
Ugh, I HATE it when I have to do that!
Honestly, if the drama is that big of a concern, I would just recommend to her that you meet somewhere else.
Otherwise, maybe extending an olive branch wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It may be the hardest, I know, I've had to do it. But maybe just telling her that you/DH were angry and over-reacted and that as long as she can be civil and respectful you will rescind the demand that she not step foot on your property. If she can't agree to that, then you think it would be in the child's best interest to meet at the police station/mediation center/whatever.
~giggle~ Yeah, it usually
~giggle~
Yeah, it usually bites me in the ass too, but I keep trying.
When you go to court in 5wks
When you go to court in 5wks I would request that the Judge order a neutral exchange point halfway between your home and BMs for drop off and pick up of kids for visitation.
A Police or Fire station would be ideal.
That keeps the drama out of your neighborhood.
I would also immediately file a PO to keep her more than 500ft from your home. Yelling and threatening you while she is at your front door should be enough to get the PO.
Keep drawing the noose tighter and tighter around her and eventually you will be in complete control.
Good luck in court.
Best regards,