Just wondering.
Forums:
I am wondering
1-I read the posts and see that we are all enduring the same types of evil, vile behaviors from our darling little skids. I find it really hard to believe that such vileness is limited to skids. It is possible that kids just act like this and the BM either think these behaviors are cute or are they just too blind to see?
2-If children really aren’t as vile as they are in the step parent’s home. Could this behavior be provoked by BM? If so, why is so wide spread? This evilness seems to be happening all of the world.
3-How to adoptive parents feel? In a way adoptive parents are like steps….they are raising another person’s child just like we are BUT they are not dealing with the nutcase BM.
What I think is crazy, is
What I think is crazy, is that it's like many of the people here are living the SAME life with the SAME problems!!!
I only wished BM could disintegrate on my command. The kids would have been better off without her influence.
It's widespread because HATE is a very strong emotion and it doesn't matter who BM hurts, as long as she extends it to DH and SM.
Money hungriness is also universal.
I know, I can't you how times
I know, I can't you how times I read a post and thought I could have wrote that.
I thought Stink would be better off if he didn't see the Hun as often. I got wht I wished for, I only get a break when BM has a "certain number of days off from work", which means she onlys every 6 weeks or so. He he comes back worse now than when he was seeing every week.
In my situation the skids are
In my situation the skids are great but the BM is toxic and her poison leaks into our lives in countless ways that are beyond our control. I think the biggest problem in these step-family situations (besides crazy BMs) arises when the biological parents don't actually parent b/c of guilt or stupidity or laziness, etc. Then a step comes along and sees a child that needs a REAL parent and all hell breaks loose. Luckily I don't have this particular problem b/c my DH is awesome and we are almost always on the same page w/ the kids. I have no experience in an adoptive situation, but I'll tell ya, I think it's apples and oranges. When you adopt, you ARE the "real" parent. No matter how much I love my skids or really AM the only true mother figure in their lives - I will never be their REAL mother, ya know? I can't be their REAL mother as long as their real mother is around. But I could be their mother (even though I did not birth them)if she fell off the face of the earth. (fingers crossed) I believe it is the nutcase BM that makes it difficult to love my SSs in the exact same way I love my BD.
Jen.....Do think that if Mama
Jen.....Do think that if Mama and Papa were still together their parenting would be different?
Well, in the case of my DH
Well, in the case of my DH and his XW...if they were still together - one of 'em would be dead. Do, hard to say.
I think the BEHAVIOR is the
I think the BEHAVIOR is the same in certain situations but the PUNISHMENT is not. At least in my case; example - I punished my daughter for something while SD stood there and did the same thing - I just looked at stupid dad with a look like....... :jawdrop:
Just because He chooses not to raise a child with any sort of thought process doesn't mean I have to. and no this might not be fair....But I hear all the time on here and I have said it before. She's not mine; right??
""When I was trying to blend,
""When I was trying to blend, I relaxed my ways somewhat but DH didn't step his up to meet me in the middle, so after time, I disengaged from trying to parent his kids and went back full force on mine and this is how it is now. As you stated, just because he chooses to not raise his child with any process or rules, it doesn't mean I have to follow suit.""
This is where I am at in my blended life now. Funny thing is he is able to be the kind of parent I am and want him to be to 'my' kids, just not his own.
The worst part of coming to this disengaged/disconnected realization is that it has made me lose respect for DH. And with that lack of respect has come a certain amount of reduced physical attraction. I wish I could express this to him this consisely but I fear it wouldn't matter and would only make things worse.
I think the comment about -
I think the comment about - LOOSING respect for DH is 100000% correct. It makes me look at him differently. Before we had his BD full time he NEVER gave me a hard time about rules and the way I ran my house....but now! forget it; everything is an argument.
It almost makes me question myself - Why am I good enough for our kids but not yours??
hmmmm, maybe we are on to
hmmmm, maybe we are on to something. Maybe the way to change how men guilty parent and get them to step up is to use the old ego. I think if more men realized that their women were losing respect for them based on their parenting abilities (or lack of) they might change. Kind of put it in the open, stop sweeping it under the rug, venting on web sites.
How do you start that???
I honestly believe that the
I honestly believe that the behaviors that I see in SD are completely normal childhood antics that ALL kids, even my own will try and continue if not parenting differently. That's where I am recently, I don't blame SD for the way she acts - she really doesn't know any better, her parents are too worried about hurting her feelings to try to correct any behaviors.
And BM does think things are 'cute' and she does instige SD to act badly toward me. But I sometimes think that the biggest factor in the difference in the way SD acts compared to my kids, and the things that irritate me, come back to her being an only child. I think that fact alone accounts for a lot of her parents actions as parents.