New to the forum, so forgive me if I don't have the terminology down yet.
Both my Husband and I are on our second marriages. Have been married 1 year, but lived together for 2 years prior to making it official. My 1st marriage had been over for 1.5 years before H and I met and his 1st marriage had been over for about 2 years before. We both have kids from our first marriages. I have 2 boys (8 and 10) and he has 1 boy (15) and 2 girls (11 and almost 9). In my opinion, all 5 kids have special emotional needs that take a toll on us. My boys do not see their Dad as that is the arrangement their Dad has chosen - to not see his kids. My SS lives with us full time and my 2 SDs spend equal amounts of time at their Moms and with us (kind of like a week-on/week-off arrangement). I don't mean to sound like the Us vs Them in my choice of words, it just makes typing easier. Me and my 2 sons moved into their old family home.
Here is a brief description of all the kids:
1)Oldest, ss, is a typical teenager - never leaves the house - except for school and the odd social occasion, moody, rude, lazy, very self-entitled, knows everything there is to know, but is quite smart, and when not in a negative mood can be enjoyable. However he has an eating disorder in that he eats to comfort himself and is overweight. He does not see his mother as much as his sisters.
2) Next oldest, sd - self-entitled, bossy, highly intellegent, artistic, loud, rude, obnoxious and can be very loving when she puts her mind to it. However she has ADHA and she and her older brother are like water and oil.
3) Middle child, BS - misses his Dad something awfull and, in general, can't understand why the world does not work his way. He is very thoughtful when he puts his mind to it. He desperately wants to be viewed as an expert at something, but has yet to met that goal. My son also trys to act the his older step-brother, and I really don't feel that his sb is the best person to try to act like. My son also feels that if he has had something done wrong to him, that he has the right to handle the situation with force (IE pushing)
4) Second yongest, sd - I just don't get this one very well - very into fashion (we currently and affectionately refer to her as the "Fashion Disaster"), cannot understand the word "No" and thinks that if she says "Please" or acts like a baby or asks the same question 20 times, the parents will change their mind. In my history with the family (over 3 years) this has not been the case, so where she gets this from is beyond me. She follows her Father around ALL the time and wants to sit on his lap ALL the time/Her Mother tells me she also acts this way at her house. Her Dad allows sometimes, but not always. She CRAVES attention to the point that if you start the day off trying to giver her lots of attention, by the end of the day, she is drapped on you, clinging to you, and you cannot get rid of her. She will do any task that is asked of her and many of the tasks that are asked of the other children, even though we don't want her to do them.
5) Yongest, bs - He is in is own little world for a good part of the day, He is very intellegent and has been diagnosed with Aspergers (on the Autistic spectrum). Very loving, but hard to reach during some conversations and is not good in the school setting or where there are more then a few kids. Oddly enough he and oldest sd get along very well.

We have tried to merge the family, and find that when the girls are not home, the house is much more peaceful and problems can be solved. However, when the girls come for their stay, the fights, anger, selfishness (sp?), volume and general display of anarchy is amplified. A prime example will be a fight between two of the kids, the kids will come to a parent if they need/want help and what ends up happening is that the other kids that are not involved seem to have something to say about that argument. They all seem to have to have their two-cents to share - ALL AT THE SAME TIME. They all seem to think that their opinion is not only needed, but also wanted on every subject in the house. The volumn is so loud that we need to yell to get them to stop talking.

Both my Husband and I love our children, but sometimes we say we don't like being with them. I think that is pretty normal, but here is my concern: We thought about planning a trip to Disney for the 7 of us, but have since reconsidered because their poor choice of behavior as a large group leaves much to be desired.

Any thoughts on how to get a handle on this mess?

Thanks