New-please help
Hi- I am also new & need help, not sure which forum to post on.
I married my DH last year 5/10. We met at work 7 yrs ago. I was single- he was married--told his wife he had strong feelings for me, then told me. They stayed married for 2 years & divorced.
He was divorced for 3 years & I saw him & we married within 9 months (i know).
I am 43-he is 60. He children are 37, 36, 25. Not one of them have met me, will not meet me,or acknowledge our marriage.
I moved out of Boston left my home to live in his new home-2.5 from the city.I am alone a lot as he works as a nurse 3/12 hour shifts in the city & stays at his elderly moms in between..for distance issues.
I have a home close to the city--that I am hanging onto--as it is mine and 20 minutes from my fmaily.
My mom is dying my uncle is dying, I am being worked up for ovarian cancer.
I am a nurse & was hurt at work very bad, had long term disability that I paid into & it was cut on 12/25. So I have no money-no income.
That said he still asked me for money for the taxes of his home--he covered most-but had me tap into my equity line, as he did as well to fix the car that was mine that I gave him--repairs where $800 (on a new Volvo) said he could not afford it.
He pays most of the bills here--I pay for all of my bills at my other house.
I have consigned my jewelry, sold so much.
I believe I have given him too much, too much money .
His ex-owes him $18,000--to which she has from an inheritance--but they are going back and forth--over pictures.
I am in the process of filing for a separation & leaving.
The children, the lack of sex (he cannot so it with Viagra), his problem with spending, issues with his ex-wife. I am at my wits end.
I have let myself go..43 a size 6 my WHOLE life have gained 40 pounds since being here, depressed, sad, lay in bed, & lonely, & do not go out--there is no where to go..A cvs is 20 minutes away.
His kids I think are spoiled punks--who will not change. Everyone tells me it is not my problem--not to worry...Hi friends have no respect for me either it is obvious---
Any advice.
Thank you.
From what you have said, no
From what you have said, no it isn't you.
Get out while you still can. Your real family needs you so take care of yourself first!
I wish you nothing but the very best and remember you aren't alone we are always here to listen.
@ ESM-thank you so much..I
@ ESM-thank you so much..I just am stunned-shocked--and numb--that this has all come to be--how did this all happen..
I really need help...so bad..I welcome any comments--I am so alone..
I think you know what you
I think you know what you need to do. If you reread your blog you will see that you are in a bad place and need to get out. I too am 43 and I think at our age we realize that life is short and we need to make the most of it. We all do stupid things for love, if I were you I would chalk it up to a mistake and move on. You need to take care of and love yourself or no one else can or will. I hope you still have some savings left but whatever the case, I would move back into my house and work on me! I so feel for you. I hope you know your not alone, and in the big scheme of things this is not so bad and you can still do something about it.Are you able to work yet?
I'm so sorry to hear that
I'm so sorry to hear that you're sick and your mom and uncle are dying. I agree that you should get out as soon as you can and focus on spending time with your mom and uncle as well as rebuilding your own physical and emotional health.
As far as his kids, realize that they will likely never have a relationship with you and accept that fact. They probably feel that you're a home wrecker who caused DH to leave their mom, but nobody put a gun to his head. Also, if you're eligible for unemployment, it could provide a financial cushion until you find something else if you're able to work. If not, I recently read that retired nurses are finding new careers as writers . . .just an idea.
Finally, focus on you. Make new friends, take a class, go to the library and pick up a book you've been wanting to read, go see a movie, polish your nails, etc. Go back to those things that you used to do to bring you happiness. Reclaim your life and reclaim your joy!
Good luck and please keep us posted.
@ Shannon thank you so
@ Shannon thank you so much--I am lost and have worked since the age of 15---to be independent and self-sufficient..I am now lost--a former university professor, a contributor to the community..
Is it normal to take this rejection so bad--it kills me..
My former relationship was tough as he was from China (type A, PhD scientist) and his Mom lied with us and he had a daughter--but as bad as it was it was not like this--I loved him we just did not have time together and it was cultural..I was with him for 3 years....This deal here we have been married for 8 months..
@ Carson Are you serious and
@ Carson Are you serious and any inheritance that is in the way- my mom and uncle are both on hospice--we have been married less than a year..
I am beside myself..Please did you read my note--am I insane--thank you so much...I have been told by him I am tough o live with d/t my back and depression and he loves me like no other...
You really put a spin on it
You really put a spin on it ---that I needed.
Part of the friends is they are themselves unhappy in their marriage and see their friend in a way they have never seen him--go figure.
The children adult children--I think it is just so disrespectful..am I going to meet them when there Dad dies?
You are right this move has been almost the death of me--thank you for your input..
I love him for his patience and belief in me..but there are many problems..in many ways I wish we could have started again...
Putting it in perspective of "this stage in the marriage" opened my eyes-
It certainly not like the 1st marriage.
It is hard that he is gone so much..
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your time..You have made a great difference in my day!
Do you know how I can friend someone--follow their posts--and/or communicate with an individual..