My 14 yo SS is awful...HELP!!!!
I am a step mom of 3 stepsons. 15,14,13. I have been thier SM for 8 years and they have always lived with my husband and I full time. My 14 yo SS is just so mean, hurtful, rude, disrespectful violent and I could go on and on. He feels like he doesnt need to help out and when he doesnt get his way he turns into a psycho!! He had gotten into physical fights with his father and he has also gotten into physical altercations with me and he has no problem doing it! My husband never seems to handle the situations and never really punishes him. IF he does punish him its not a very steep punishment. The other problem is that he feels like he can do whatever he wants and honestly he does. I get in so many huge arguments with my husband over this and my husband doesnt make changes. Everything always somehow ends up being my fault even if Im not involved. The BM obviously has not been a very good mom hence the fact that all 3 of her kids have always lived with us and she only hav visits. She has offered to have him live there but my husband refuses to do that and I am also afraid it would only be for the money she would get in child support. My SS can be a good kid when HE chooses but that rarely happens. I am so tired of walking on egg shells so I dont upset him. We have been going through this and I just need help with handling him.....
Hello. Im so sorry that your
Hello.
Im so sorry that your going through this,everything you just said is also my story,you are not alone.
It amaze's me that stepmother's get all the blame,it seem's to me,that the stepchildren always see the bad and never the good thing's that we do,I dont think I will ever understand that.
My skids went to there BM this weekend we met up and dropped them of and explained to her what was going on with her son,well they came back yesterday,and it felt like someone had hit me in the head with a baseball bat,he told his BM and his stepdad that I was mean,he made me out to be a monster,I told my husband I love him,but Im not staying,I have done my best for the past 3 years,help him guide him get his grades up and all the other stuff that stepmothers do,I have been there for my SS.My SD also told us that she intend's to take my husband to court,to get her son,it's odd that she can take him to court to get her son back,but she cant,WONT pay child support.My family is now broken,too many lies,and everyone is hurting,Im not going to let my husband lose his kids,but I cant stay,and get blamed for things I have not done.
Im a mess,I dont know where to start,or where to go.
I feel just like you do. I
I feel just like you do. I cant figure out if staying is better then leaving. If I leave with my daughter then we can be at peace, except for the visits that my daughter will have to have and I wont know what is going on... That seems worse to me. I am extremely connected to my daughter and dont think I can handle that. On the other hand at times it is just plain misery in my home. My husband is always giving in and trying to apease these kids just to keep them happy. He is tired....He went through 3 miserable years in court before he met me and we were in court together for another 5 years. So at this point my husband is just so tired with everything. I just feel like the bad outweigh the good and becuase there are 3 of them someone is usually upset at something. I just feel like I am drowning... My best friend who Im sure is sick of listening to me tells me to stick with it cause they are almost grown...Litterally I have 3 1/2 years left pretty much... Seems like forever... I have been with them 8 yrs now so I just dont know what the right decision is. Yes I agree thay everything is usually blamed on us at stepmoms and for sure they all take it for granted what we do for them. I am so sick of it and I am sure you are too.
do you think you can take a
do you think you can take a step back from SS14 and disengage a little? Stop doing things for him. If you make the meals then he'll eat but don't do anything special for him. Don't do his laundry if you do, don't clean up after him. That's what I do with my SS13 and I feel a whole lot better! I do not go out of my way any longer to do anything for him! Right now we don't even talk we just pass each other in the hall.
My DH currently is working the day shift but he works the night shift 6 months out of the year which means I am alone with SS. While DH is on nights I don't even cook so SS13 has to fend for himself and if I do cook he usually skips out unless DH is home. I figure he chose this route by treating me like crap. I don't have to put up with it!
I try to stop doing things
I try to stop doing things but I always end up feeling guilty. I have however stopped bothering him about homework. I used to be all over it and I have relized that no matter what I say he is not going to do it unless he wants to. Now if he says he isnt going to do it (I swear this is only to get a reaction from me) I say okay and move on. I have figured out that its not my future he is hurting. All 3 of my ss's do thier own laundry and keep thier rooms up but I cant really get any of them to really help around the house. I find myself taking the garbage out, etc because its just easier that way. I DO NOT even bother asking my 14 yo because it will just turn into a huge drama thing usually resulting in violent/verbally abusive language. So I just do it myself. The other 2 will help but I usually have to wait forever for them to do it. My husband is a police officer and works Sat-Tue 2pm-Midnight so this really leaves alot up to me. I have to pick kids up from school, dinner, homework etc. If I tell the kids no they get so mad and treat me like shit so I usually just say yes (Which I know I shouldent) I really just try to keep the peace. Lastnight I was so pissed I didnt make dinner and my 14 yo asked whats for dinner and I told him he was on his own. He was mad but oh well for him. I also will often get a guilt trip from my hubby about why Im not doing stuff for them. If he knew that I wasnt planning on cooking dinner lastnight he would have told me something about the fact that they have to eat. I swear sometimes I think I am dealing with 4 of them not 3. My husband also just wants to keep the peace, but doing for them and never disaplinning them is not working.....
Well,I feel like someone hit
Well,I feel like someone hit me in the head with a baseball!!!!
My skids are playing games with me and DH and there BM,and SF,it turns out that Im a Monster,at first I was very hurt and sad that they saw me that was,well I have just got off the phone with there stepdad,he told me that the kids are not being fed well,I.E not allowed to eat junk food ton's of soda,and all we have is bottles of water and milk,tea,I cook everyday from fresh not from a box that requires 30 seconds to heat up
fresh everything,so at first I was mad,but now Im laughing,ok so this evening I wont be making chicken fried rice,it will a plain sandwich,and yes water to follow.
I am no longer going out of my way to make them happy I am not going to be played NO more.
My DH also told me that I should not have told them I was leaving,what the heck,did he just want me to leave a note on the table,he say's that everyone leaves him because of his kids,THERE'S YOUR SIGN...Step up to the plate,and sort your kid's out,if you can teach a dog not to pee in the house,you can also teach your kids to be respectful,its not that hard...Hmm,..I vented,but I do have a smile on my face...
Sabrienat,,,thats for adding me,,but it wont allow me to add you!!!...:(
Eagle Eye...I want to know
Eagle Eye...I want to know how you do it,,,you said that you dont even talk when you pass in the hallway,,I know I could not do that,,,I need help on that.
Well I think it is a mutual
Well I think it is a mutual effort on my side as well as SS13. He only talks to me when his father is around and I have decided that I will no longer be treated that way. I guess that is why its easy for me to ignore him all together! In the past I went way out of my way to help SS with everything but he lied and lied and still lies to my face about everything. I would tell him to do something then he would deny that I ever said anything. It got to the point that I would have to have witnesses around to verify my story because DH would just blow it off. To me, if I am telling SS to do something it is because he needs to do it not because I want to hear myself talk.
When you truly have your fill of crap it is amazing what you will no longer put up with!