My worst nightmare come true.. don't know whether to cry or throw up or both....
DH and I just put an offer in on a house that we have looked at a few times and would really be a nice place for us, we're pretty sure they will accept our offer, so it's just a matter of all the paperwork, appraisal, etc. so how exciting right? It was.... until I came downstairs this morning and I see DH's cell phone sitting on the coffee table, I can't resist for whatever reason and check his text messages (please don't bother scolding me for this... I have major trust issues from my exhusband so it is what it is) and low and behold there is one from BM#2 (who I hate more than anything in this universe) apparently she and her BF that she has been living with are not going to be living together anymore. Now I don't know if this means they are breaking up or just not going to live together, I do know that a few years back they lived together for a bit, but then decided that they couldn't live together and he moved out but they continued dating. She and SS12 moved in with him a little under two years ago now.
So this is what she text my DH:
BM: SS said that you might be buying a house? If so can you see about us moving into your house that you rent? I rented a storage unit for all my stuff, but your place would be the only place I can afford right now. Please? K. (sidenote, we rent a small house that DH has been in for the past 12 years and they have never raised the rent, so we only pay $350.00/month for rent)
BM: So keep me posted please
DH: K
I seriously almost threw up.... first I am pissed that SS has to run right home and tell BM our business and she immediately texts DH wanting something for herself as always. Second I am in panic mode that her and her BF are done because that means she will turn her sights on DH for every stupid little thing she needs because God forbid she's 36 years old but has NEVER really been self sufficient.. she has ALWAYS depended on DH, BF's etc. I hate this woman and just feel like I can't do this.... I can't have her calling and texting every day because he car won't start, or because she can't pay her rent, or because she ran out of toilet paper and trust me, she will EXPECT that DH help her... because of SS of course...I know I said "for better or worse" when I took my vows, but in my book, this is beyond worse.
I'm annoyed with DH too, because apparently she told him previously that she is moving out, thus her storage unit reference in her text but of course he didn't say a word to me about it... so as usual BM and DH have their little secret, side life going. I do give him credit for not responding to her with anything but a "K". Not like he called her right up and made promises to help her out or anything..... at any rate..... I fucking hate her, I hate my life, I hate everything right now... I seriously don't think I can deal with this, so here I am on Valentine's Day, with a purchase offer in on a house that I absolutely love, a DH that I adore, and a loser BM who never stops fucking up MY life and I just want to cry.
I agree! I am sorry u r
I agree! I am sorry u r having a rough Valentine's Day thus far... but from my experiences BM will do almost ANYTHING to either rub ur face in their OLD relationship or hold it over ur head regarding "their" kid(s) and certainly due to BM's own insecurities will do whatever to keep feeling as though Bf will always be there to "save her" LOL some people,I just don't get it. Just don't let this bring you down so much, it too shall pass.....
Chances are your husband
Chances are your husband agreed to shut her up, and not start crap.
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this is a major part of what drives me nutso about his snaggletoothed skank bitch.... because BM likes to cause trouble, acts like a bitch, and make life for anyone who does not do as she says hell, DH caters to her just to shut her up and "keep the peace"
So because I am nice, treat DH with respect, hell... treat DH like a king... I just have to buck up and deal with it. Something is wrong with this picture!
yes I would discuss this with
yes I would discuss this with your DH and tell hime that you are obviously upset about this but i would think bigger picture.
but I would only go so far as to give her hte landlords contact details. I would NOT sublet to her.
Sourgirl27 it may be what
Sourgirl27 it may be what kids do but in our situation SS tells our BM everything and she has threatened bodily harm to him if he tells us anything about their life - and I know people say it is none of your business what happens but we live 700 miles apart and see him 3 times a year and it is kinda hard to have phone convos every week where you ask the kid how he is doing and what is going on and he say "I'm okay and nothing" but we know for a fact that when he comes to visit us he walks through our house and then immediately calls BM and lets her know if anything is new or changed - f_____ing drives me crazy - if her life is not our business and quite frankly we don't give a shit - then our life should be off limits to her and I totally agree that any and all conversations must be done out of earshot away from SS.
Also OP if this crap does happen then you tell DH that he will not be doing shit for her because it is not for SS it is for her so she needs to be put in her place and furthermore - you go girl and check every thing you have to so that you know what is going on in your DH's life - I check all of my DH's email, FB account, multiple phones you name it I have a password for it and it is not because I don't trust him but he knows if he helps BM in any way I will lose it on his ass so to keep the peace and to keep me off of him he will not tell me everything and I want to know so I can protect what is mine - so as far as I am concerned you check away girlfriend - CHECK AWAY!!! If our BM's would leave our DH's the hell alone if it does not concern the skids then we would not need to be checking but once I saw that my DH had written to BM telling her he would be a personal reference for a job and I flipped I said she has enough friends that she can use them - In case you forgot DH - she screwed about 5 different guys while you two were married and living in the same house so really what can you say good about her character?!?!?!?!
tell DH that he will not be
tell DH that he will not be doing shit for her because it is not for SS it is for her
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One time she called DH because her car broke down with her, SS, her BF, and his 2 kids. she wanted DH to drive an hour and a half to pick them all up. DH was going to, "because I can't let my son sit in some repair shop somewhere" I flipped out, told him that BM and/or her BF MUST have a mother, sister, father, brother, friend ANYONE who could come and get them why did it have to be DH??? Oh that's right, because when she says jump, he says how hi... for SS of course.... Well I told him that this excuse of "I'm doing it for SS" does not fly with me every time, seriously when it comes right down to it, he could justify wiping BM's ass for her because after all, it would be for SS, wouldn't want SS to have a mom with a stinky, dirty ass.. right?
I think he finally got my point, and I know that he really does try to do as little for her as possible, but it's like I stated above, she is the biggest bitch on the planet if she does not get her way and makes life hell, so DH just does shit to keep her quite.
so as usual... nice guys finish last....
dd ~~ i don't think your
dd ~~ i don't think your current landlord will let dh sublet. so, if your offer gets accepted and the financing goes thru, inform your landlord that he should definitely re-evaluate the rent for the new tenants AND you were informed that dh's ex is interested, and out of common courtesy, since he/she has been such a great landlord advise him to get a steep security deposit, extensive credit check and to not call your or dh as a reference ~ he'll get the message.
thanks all... I'm going to
thanks all... I'm going to test DH tonight and see what he says, because I know for a fact that he and a good friend of his had already been talking about good friend living there. So tonight I'm going to say, "so are you going to talk to landlord about (good friend) possibly living here?" and see what he says.. if he brings up BM asking or not....he knows that I will flip it if I think he is helping her so I don't know.. we'll see!
Thank Gawd, subletting is out of the question, it would be a new lease and I should think that they would want to raise the rent now... I am also pretty close with landlords wife, we walk together and she came to by baby shower, suprise birthday party etc., so I may just put a bug in her ear if DH dares think about helping poor, pitiful, precious BM... barf
hell no...but what if we
hell no...but what if we don't get the house for some reason, and have to remain where we are? or what if we weren't even looking for a house.. then where would precious BM go? She would have to find someplace.... NOT DH... she is using DH as her easy way out as usual.. make someone else wipe her ass... either way we could end up with SS, so I guess it makes no difference... as usual, I have zero control over my own life because BM is the reigning Queen of the World.
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying and you are correct in that I do KNOW that he is bottom line concerned about his son.... I guess I just wish SS didn't have to have such a POS BM who can't do anything for herself... who is always loitering around with her hand out for something.
I guess it's the difference between the two of us... I can hands down honestly say that if DH and I were divorced and I needed something for BS and I, i.e. money, car, place to live etc., he would be the LAST person I asked for help simply because I have more dignity than that.
SMofknowitall I see hat you
SMofknowitall I see hat you are saying but that still doesn't mean that daizy's dh HAS to be the one to take her by the hand and do EVERYTHING for her just b/c she is the mother of his child. She is still this kids parent as well and she needs to act like it. She knows that if she doesn't then dh and will so she doesn't have to. So if daizy's dh would tell her no and keep telling her no she will HAVE to do it herself. He can help to a reasonable amount but she is seriously crossing a line and daizy's dh needs to set that line and not cross it.
First your dh needs to put
First your dh needs to put his foot down and tell her to figure it out on her own. He should NOT be doing a dang thing for her ever! That includes if her car won't start too bad she needs to find someone else!
This is how I would handle the house. I would give her the landlords name and # and tell her to call him. Tell the land lord what you did and tell him it is up to him as to what he wants to do and be done with her. The reason to do it this way is so that dh doesn't look like the bad guy and she STILL has to call the landlord and set it up herself. That is assuming the land lord will give her the same deal.
She needs to do things on her own!!!!!!
my point exactly... she wants
my point exactly... she wants everybody to run around and do everything for her. Like I said, DH has done nothing at this point (that I know of) other than respond to her with a "K" and for him that was his way of just acknowleding that he got her text (if he didn't at least do that, she'd have blown up his phone)Again, DH knows that I will flip the freek out if I find out that he is helping her so we'll see what happens... because he also knows that even though I'll flip out, I'll get over it and life will go on... where as if he doesn't cater to BM, she'll be a bitch for weeks/months, use SS as a pawn and make life hell in general.. so hmmm wonder who will win this battle? Like I said..nice guys always finish last... I'm going to go cry again
Daizy if your dh would put
Daizy if your dh would put his foot down and tell her no every time she will eventually stop. However it will take a LONG time for that to happen. It took my bm at least 2 years. Even now she will slip sometimes.
But the ting is they are like kids and NEED the boundary, they need to have our dh's tell them they have crossed the line and be consistent with it just like a kid. If he tells her enough times she will get it in her head that her ex is not her personal slave. He just needs to keep telling her no and not do it. She can wine and bitch and moan all she wants (let her leave it on vm or text) but the fact still remains that your dh will not do it for her. If she tries to guilt him into by using his kid then tell him to turn the tables on her. Tell him to tell her that he is her kid too and she needs to do it for him! LOL