Some men are just so thick aren’t they? Your first years of marriage are supposed to be the time that you build your partnership with your spouse and develop a very close bond with each other. The fact that you have no sex life is most disturbing.

Is your husband not aware of the fact that he is doing nothing but creating a lot of resentment in you that anyone in that situation would feel including him? If you had a 27 year old son that you spent all your time showering with attention and love while ignoring him he would resent it heartily.

No one should have to tolerate that feeling of exclusion for five minutes let alone 2 years in their own home. Has he given consideration to fact that perhaps he is the one who is making it impossible for you to build a relationship with your SD? Does he understand that he has to somewhat withdraw from his daughter to make room for you? How does he act toward you in her presence? Is he affectionate such as holding your hand, sitting beside you, or talking directly to you? Or, does he act as if you don’t exist?

This is a real tough situation where daughter and dad lived together and you moved in with them. Ugh! It sounds to me like they are still behaving toward each other exactly the same way they did before you married and moved in. That is just so inconsiderate of them.

Both of them must make changes in their relationship toward each other or your marriage stands no chance. Course your DH and SD don’t care because it doesn’t affect them, but it massively affects you. Then they will point their finger at you and say you are the problem when in fact it isn’t you at all.

Hopefully your DH has enough love for you that he understands that what he is doing is wrong and that he needs to focus on his relationship with you, and lessen his emotional ties to his daughter.

I don’t have real good advice in this situation. Just that I can imagine how difficult it is for you. Does he want a divorce?

Got to say, it sounds to me like DH is all but married to SD which make you the intruder. If your DH feels it is not okay to be affectionate in front of SD - Red Flag. No sex - red Flag. Your supposed to be miserable for a year to accomodate SD? - so many red flags I can't count.

I would have to have a heart to heart with DH after I seriously asked myself why am I there?

Like I said in a previous post, sometimes the grown SD's are the "other woman". DH's just don't see how dotingly stupid they are when their daughters are around. You know, I just want to scream sometimes! In my case, SD24 is absolutely perfect...God forbid should anyone ever mention anything that she does that may have a negative light. DH will hear nothing of it. So, he more or less forced my disengagement from her. That's his mess, not mine. He can deal with it....

I wish I had advice for you -- I get that feeling of wanting to flee and not come back all the time. We have five total -- he has four and I have one. He has three living with us currently and my daughter lives with us 50% of the time. He just let his 21 year old daughter move back in with us -- almost 22, against my wishes. She has been awful to me. It has been a challenge from the get go in our marriage, and I'm tired.

I am currently house sitting for a friend, and right now I don't want to go home. I miss my husband, but don't miss his kids. His youngest, who just turned 16, is actually pretty good. We've had our bumps along the way, but we were doing pretty good, but since her sister moved back in, it's been rough. Her sister (21 year old going on 12), I believe, is doing whatever she can to turn the others against me. I know for a fact that she hates me, thinks I am "mental" (her words), and she wishes I was gone. She may get her wish soon if she doesn't move out soon. I've had it.

I have all the work of a mom, and none of the "power" -- meaning, I can't ask them to do things around the house -- such as help me do chores, etc, without getting grief. God forbid the 21 year old should have to lift a finger to do anything.

I wish I had an answer for you. In reading all these posts, while I find it helpful to know I'm not alone, I get discouraged because I think it's really never going to get any better. I keep thinking I wish I would have never gotten remarried -- I was happier single when it was just me and my daughter. If I had it to do over, I wouldn't get married. Sad to say it.

Well seeing how your DH is putting his adult child first before his wife I would see if you could stay with your sister until he realizes your marriage comes first. Of course you should want to go home Shannon, and you not wanting to is your body's sign of telling you something isn't right. I know you are married and living apart seems unrealistic but it might just be what you need and it will be a wake up call for your DH. Your SD is 27 years old, she can take care of herself and is getting in the way of your marriage, this is wrong. For example, I am 25 years old and my mom is married to my Step Dad, I understand that they are a united front and their happiness and marriage is important. They raised me and now I am on my own, I respect their own lives now and this is what your SD needs to do. She is getting married so she needs to get her own place and move out and let you and DH live YOUR lives now. She is taking control and your feelings are natural! Your DH NEEDS to see this.

Oh no Shannon...I'm really sorry about this. I always enjoy reading your posts since I can relate to issues you have with SD as similar to those I experience with my SD's who like mentioned by someone else...act like they are 12. I agree, I think if it's possible to stay at your sister's for a few days longer that might be a good option for you. Even if it's just so you can think about the situation without influence. I'm sorry your home has become like a prison for you. It's one of those situations where I understand your fear of what you think MAY happen. If you tell DH you are unhappy and that he needs to put his marriage first, he needs to be most concerned for YOU in this situation. At this point you just don't know how he will handle it and if he doesn't do what you hope he will...that will hurt you immensely and will certainly have a negative affect on your marriage. You are the adults and SD should at this point act her age and accept adult responsibility which she is not. I'm going to say the same thing I always do and that is...these adults do not HAVE to accept these responsibilities and exhibit appropriate adult behavior because they are not encouraged to go off on their own and they are not taught to be independent. If someone was paying for all your food, clothing, apartment, lifestyle etc then what incentive would you have to pull away from that and go off on your own with no financial support? You wouldn't because that would just make no sense. It sucks because this is what these men create and it not only forces the adult children into regression but it puts the SM in a most unfair and intolerable position. We're not allowed to have a say or an opinion about how to raise these children that are not our own but instead expected to sit and watch them take over our homes and assume the role of the wife. We're supposed to be ok with it or just "let it slide" because these assholes were there first. NO. This is an unacceptable way to live and like you Shannon I will refuse to sit there while a 20 something, spoiled brat takes over MY household! Reagardless of who was in this house first, you are there now and you consider this house to be you and DH's while SD27 lives there if that's not the way it feels do you think maybe it's time to move into a home that you and DH create TOGETHER?

Here is what I am proposing...stay with your sister a few days and before you go home to DH let him know that there is something very important you need to discuss with him and that you need his full attention when you get home. If SD27 is there lurking around eavesdropping then go for a walk or go somewhere you can be alone. Tell DH that you've been thinking about it a long while and you are no longer willing to live with SD27 and as long as she is there you will NOT be. Tell him you love him but that you are his wife and you are tired of feeling like a guest in your own home. It's time for SD27 to either move out on her own or to go live with her fiance. Whatever happens from there is her own responsibility. When will it be ok for this adult to live on her own??? DH has a choice to make...he can either work on his marriage and start to put you first which is where you belong, or he can have a dysfunctional relationship with his grown daughter living in the house and you will not be a part of his life. If he chooses the latter Shannon it's not ideal and it sucks, sucks, sucks but please understand that you deserve WAAAAY better than that.

Please keep us posted!!

Shannon...you're got the right idea. Start saving money and tuck it away so no one knows about it.

When you let the in laws know you're going, be very careful what you say to them. Tell them how you think the world of them, but your situation with husband and SD isn't healthy. Let them know you have been made to feel like an intruder and the SD's need to be cozy with husband has gone over the line.

Speak from your heart and speak softly to them. Let them know you never looked at the daughter or felt that she was ever "competition". But you're concerned because of what she's saying and behaving that you're really not sure exactly what her intentions are. But you can't live them and be a part of it. Again, let them know you see some unhealthy situations that you can't morally allow.

You don't want to make them mad, you just want them aware of what's happening so they can appreciate your situation better.

That girl is purposely causing trouble. If your husband and that girl are that ooyey gooey close, wow, weird. You don't want to be mixed up in that cozy craziness. We know the SD is purposely creating that, but if the man you're married doesn't see it or care to tend to your needs, who needs someone like that for the rest of your life?

I'm glad you're strong enough to walk out of this mess. And you're really fortunate to have a sister there for you.

Poor you for having to go through that nonsense....Good you for setting it straight then walking if the situation doesn't improve greatly!

Shannon, I know the feeling like you're going to suffocate if you have to put up with an SD situation for another day - a year would be unfathomable and impossible. Your situation is somewhat similar to mine in that the SD had actually been the woman of the house for a while before you moved in. My SD was only 12 when we married but she was in charge. Even though we all moved into a different house, still she tried to have the run of the place. I won't bore you with the long story, and I really don't have any advice for you. I just want you to know I feel your pain and hope things work out with DH. I don't know what it is with these men and their daughters. Stay strong!

Why is SD living with you at this age? Does she work? I'm assuming not if she has to live with you. Then why the hell is she not doing chores (all of them). I could see it as a temporary thing, if she has fallen on some bad luck, but daddy should be expressing to her that she should move out in "x" time. Yes, I would say, "She is gone in "X" time - or I am...."

Good luck!

Yea, well - a year is too long! What does Daddy say about it. Apparently he feels he need to continue to provide for this gal, but does he tell you how he feels about it? He needs to get a pair... Have you asked him to give her a timeline?