We did not tell skids or BM actual wedding date... We sorta eloped and went on an extended school weekend when the skids were supposed to be with her... We just told her we would be having a small ceremony "in a few weeks."

She rushed down to City hall the next weekend with her boyfriend! LOL

We told all the kids on the morning of our wedding, after the skids' psycho phone call with BM. They knew that we had been planning the wedding but didn't know when it would be (and as they were 6,5,5, and 4 at the time, time wasn't a totally clear concept anyway. What we did not want was for BM to do some stupid thing on our special day. Of course when she found out about it she called it a "peculiar event"....ummmm, how peculiar is it that some people choose to get married?...and of course during the next morning, at the inn we were staying at with various family members and friends who had traveled to be with us for the wedding, she did one of her fantastic alienating phone calls and made sure that one of the boys was sobbing in the next room while we were all at the breakfast table. Good luck! I hope that your special day goes wonderfully and is the day of your dreams!!

mine and fh's wedding is in ten months and yes, BM knows the date. letting her find out when SD went home afterward and told her all about it would have been SO satisfying, but i had some motivation in letting BM know when it will be. mainly because our wedding is 2 weeks after SD's birthday, and BM takes her for her yearly haircut (chop-fest) on her birthday. so i wanted to beg BM to put it off for two weeks so that i would be able to pick an actual style for our flower girl's hair instead of having only the option of it being down because it is so short nothing can be done with it. amazingly BM agreed to hold off...we will see.

FSS is going to be in our wedding. We have been careful not to say the date in front of him. The wedding is also during our time. She'll find out after. I'm sure it will go over as well as when FDH didn't tell her he was going to propose to me and I was going to say yes. She was mad that she found out we were going to get married from the kiddo. She didn't care that I had moved in three months earlier when that happened. FDH asked her what the difference was and why it mattered that he didn't tell her we were getting married. She blew up at him that she just should have been told. He told her not to be too upset about it because even if I wasn't in the picture he still wasn't her plan B. That didn't go over so well, either.

We had a small civil ceremony and told his kids after the fact. BM found out when the skids came back from weekend visitation. The last thing we own her is an explanation of our plans.

We told the psycho BM and she's is crazy enough but "likes' me and is so happy I'll be her sons Step Mom (uh yeah considering you only have him on friggin weekends?) and of course would for sure let her son be at the wedding! I'm like damn straight! the kid drives me nuts but he is family and we want all our kids there, if she didn't want him there we'd keep him anyways. She's a lousy mom so she likes that I pick up her slack!

DO.NOT.TELL.BM

You WILL be sorry if you do.

That is all.

53 days until our wedding! Skids are too young to understand the "date", but we had to tell BM because it is SD6's biodad's weekend ot have her, so we needed her to switch that otherwise SD6 (SS3's older sister) wouldn't be able to be our flower girl. I'm still a bit worried that the biodad will suddenly decide he doesn't want to switch weekends...but I hope not because it would only hurt SD6.

FDH mentioned once INVITING BM...AHH! I know that she wouldn't DO anything crazy but just her presence is not something I want. I kinda flipped on FDH for mentioning it...I said there's no way in HELL that I want HIS EX at MY WEDDING...and after I brought it up that way he realized how dumb it was. I'm not about to be looking out at the audience after being announced husband and wife and seeing all of our loved ones and then see BM's big ole head poking out and ruining the moment. And she'd wear something soooo crazily skanky and bold that she'd stand out like nuts. So atleast I know she won't "ruin" it on purpose...but she's still not INVITED!

DH told his SD (20 at the time) that we were getting married a month before we did. She threw such a s**t fit, that he didn't even tell her what day! He also told his ex that we were getting married (not the date!) and she was rather "tacky". So, we got married at the family ranch with just the preacher, my MIL, my best friend, and DH's best friend-didn't even tell all our other friends! The next evening, we had a reception and had invited everyone else and it was like "Suprise! we got married yesterday!" Everyone had a great time, and there was NO DRAMA! IMHO, if you can possibly do it, wait until the last moment, and tell the skids. Your marriage should be a partnership (I know, IDEALLY) with you and FDH and hopefully a great new blended family (I know-IDEALLY!) I hope all goes well and you have a beautiful day! And I hope that you can have the skids there with no problems.