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Is divorce the answer???

btmbsm's picture

My husband and I have been together for 71/2 years, married for 5. He has a daughter with his ex-wife and we have joint legal and physical custody. I have the Daughter every day with an exception of most every other weekend. She rides the bus to our house daily but only stays the nights on our week.(we do every other week with her mother)
Now with that being said....I am the one who has been doing homework, Dr. runs, school runs,etc...for 5 years.for these 5 years i have begged my husband to help. his daughter stays in trouble at school, she is disrespectful to every teacher she has ever had, she is called the crazy girl by the other student and has hardly any friends. She is no different at home, she doesn't follow rule, does what she want when she want and her dad only does something when i fall apart. Her mother says its our fault cause we don't cater to her..WHAT.... REALLY...We should do what ever she wants. Well my husband and his ex decided that I am to hard on their daughter and that they will take over... lol OK IT HAS BEEN 6 WEEKS and the child now is has 3 F's :jawdrop: on her progress report. I have her teachers calling ME. the child is not passing because she just doesn't do the work. Homework or classwork. her father spanks but the child doesn't care.no change. Her mother says it is our fault because we are doing it right...but she does NOTHING no homework. When the child gets sick she tells us to take her to the Dr.,when she needs cloths she calls and tells us to buy new ones and then complain because i didn't get name brand( her daughter is to good for Wal-mart )unless she buying. The ex does nothing but complain about how I do it.
My husband and I get along great except when it comes to the ex and his daughter...and that's daily.I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel what do I do?????? :?
He tells me that it is gonna get better but i have been waiting for 71/2 years.
thought getting joint custody wold make it better but NOT
IT IS NEVER GONNA GET BETTER!!!!!

godess-clueless's picture

There is no "WE" in this situation. Re check those court papers. You will likely find that your name is not mentioned as joint custody or anything else. You will probably not find anything on the paperwork that spells out your responsibilities because you have none. Babysitters get paid and are free to quit at any time if they do not like the terms of their employment. Since the parents of this child have decided yhat you are not doing the job to their high expectations then consider your self fired. If asked to do anything ,politely decline and point out that you do not have the qualifications for the job.

btmbsm's picture

Thanks to all for clarification. I was beginning to think i really was just... all about ME.

Jsmom's picture

Step back and disengage. THis is not your kid. She is not your problem. She is theirs. They are screwing up and it will all be on them. We are asked to take care of these kids, but we have no rights to parent them. Fine, let them do it. I wouldn't do a thing. Read the disengaging essay and it will help you understand what you should do and not do.

For me: Not my kid, Not my problem. I say it everytime to myself as I walk away from bad behavior or disrespect.

btmbsm's picture

That is what I told DH and SD !!! When it all comes down... everyone's gonna look at mom and dad, NOT ME!! DH just looked for a sec. and said it is what it is. She wants to goof let her.She(SD)is the one that will be sitting back in the 5th while everyone moves on to the 6th. Funny thing is SD has no friends so it doesn't seem to bother her. This whole mess is CRAZY... and lets not forget that I have 2 daughters of my own. Not that I worry about the 16 year old but the 4 year old is SD big sister so she watches!!! I don't want her acting this way......If SD can do it why can't she. This is why i have such a hard time letting go. I do push my 4 year old on my 16 year old cause she is on honor roll, cheerleader, christian club, and is already taking a college course. Smile
BUT I'M THE BAD GUY!!! I don't know how to raise a child PLEASE!!

It all sucks's picture

I agree completely... be on board until the bad behavior begins, then walk away and let them deal with it. It's not what you signed up for and it's not fair they're handing it all to you. They need to man up and deal with their responsibilities.

Stupid's picture

DH is just to lazy to do raise his own child. Trust me I know form experience. It is easier to let you do all the work and him to sit back and b@tch. STOP! Really STOP. He will only start to take responsibility when you stop doing it for him. It is called the enabler. I know I am one and I am putting a stop to it. Starting to making arrangements at work to get more hours so I can get own place. You are not helping the SD or anyone else to do anything positive. You will only be the escape goat to blame everything on that goes wrong. Only when everyone DH