This isn't a popular opinion but I think you DO have to choose sides when people divorce! So no, my ex and Dh's ex are NOT family anymore. And our families know that if they want to be "friends" still with our exes (who both hurt us through courts and sh*tty behavior) then they risk us cutting ourselves off from them. Sorry we can't all be "friends" still -- the exes are our enemies through their behavior.

My exH continues to send my parents emails and txts with photos of our son. Hello, my parents see my son through ME and I take plenty of pictures. FREAK! Parent don't answer but they don't respond saying "you can stop now" because they are too nice.

There were people on my exH's side of the family that I was sorry I had to disconnect with but I knew that was what divorce meant. I hate when people say, oh families and friends shouldn't have to choose when people divorce. Get in the real world, people...

Also, just the title of your post pissed me off on your behalf! LOL

Divorce = move on & get your own life/family.

Ugh, this sounds like our BM. Wow even thinking about it annoys me.

MIL has ex and skids family picture up on the "family" photo bookcase.

I don't remember seeing our family photo up there. Of course hers is more recent.

She graduated with her bachelors and they sent her money, she graduated with her masters and they sent her money.

My husbands nieces and nephews refer to her as Aunt on facebook, I just get 12yr.

SHe wants the family, she can have it. HEY BM, MIL toilet needs cleaned, she needs to go to the grocery and get her hair done, please stop by and do your family duty. ROFL.

My ex is still pretty much family. But he has the upmost respect for a) dh and I, b) my family. We also don't play games using DD18.

Nooooooooo! Not family. She sounds crazy.

I've often wondered how other families feel about the exes.
My mom and sister are cordial to my ex, fb friends, will answer the phone and emails but they know I'm number one.
Mil and fil and all of dh family adore me and have all but said his x is dead to them, they're so happy I make him smile and they simply hated her.
My exh family still calls me aunt me, sends Xmas and bday cards, mil told xh new wife that she seemed nice but 16s will always be their first choice for their son. The good thing is that she was forewarned that they felt this way by dh and my kids. I still love some of xh family, those I see reguklarly, especially my/his niece.

I think it depends on the situation. My ex sister-n-law and I are like sisters and still talk weekly and she visits me whenever she is in town.

I was married to her brother for 25 years and we raised our kids together.

My ex has not remarried and has no SO in his life.....so not sure how things will be when he does......it does not bother him for us to be friends....actually she has taken me and my ex out to lunch when she has been in town.

We had a friendly divorce...if that is possible. Our boys are 22 and 21 and we have one that is 10.

I am remarried and my DH's ex is not part of his family as his family hates her...I am not sure I would be okay with her coming around. However, we do speak when we are at ballgames with SS10 and my son 10. But DH does take his kids to birthday parties at his ex-inlaws. They invite the kids and whoever has them brings them...usually him. They have invited me but I have not made that journey yet, although the BM is not there.

It does not bother him for me to be friends with my ex and his family. It does not bother me for him to go to these birthday parties.

So again depends on the situation.

Depends on the circumstances of the divorce I would think. No matter what type of bond one may have had with the ex-in-laws, if the blood relative was sh!tted on by ex spouse but blood relatives act like none of that matters, then hell yes there would be problems!
Also, to the person above who was bragging that their former in-law told the new wife that they prefer you over her for their son...how could you be okay with that? It's one thing to think that and another to say that to a person. I personally wouldn't want to have anything to do with someone like that.

My husbands ex is still considered an 'aunt' by my SIL and Hs brother. When DH and ex divorced she got to this SIL first and told her how DH was leaving her and had had an affair and and and....

SIL and DHS brother didn't speak to him for 2 yrs. It wasn't until Dh was remarrying (me) did my MIL (bless her sainted heart) set SIL straight on a few things including that ex didn't want to attend counselling and blamed DH for all the problems in their marriage and she was going to be exactly th same and she would not change. (Basically she was an Ice Maiden and did exactly what she wanted without caring what DH may have preferred to do. She got VERY pissy one Christmas Day when a blizzard prevented them from doing the Christmas run to her parents place 2 hours away. Wonderful, ruin Christmas for your family because the weather interferred with your almighty boringly typical plans. Don't worry about risking your familys life driving into the middle of rural Nebraska!).

But still, she is referred (by this SIL) and her childrens aunt. I am also an aunt but have only been around for OMG! 10 yrs this yr!

The rest of the family consider her the mother of their nephews. I am family, she isn't.

We have nothing to do with my SIL because she has made it a point to become friends with DH's ex#1 from 14 years ago and ex# 2 from 10 years ago...and as DH says that is too many boundaries crossed. It is crap

BM absolutely still considers herself "family" and my MIL still treats her as such. Granted I don't think either would go as far as spend holidays together, etc. but they do talk regularly on the phone. The problem is two-faced MIL calls me bitching about BM and what a shitty mom she is, but then calls BM and tells her what a horrible SM I am because I don't put up with SDs bullshit when she's here and I get on to her, etc. MIL kisses BMs ass because she thinks it's the only way she'll get to see SD and that just pisses me off. I absolutely detest being around my MIL because I feel like the first chance she gets, she'll be calling BM and bad-mouthing. I'm still very close to my XH's Grandmother (Great-Grandma to BD13) but I certainly don't try to impose myself on them or any of XH's family. I respect the fact that XH and I are divorced and maintain that relationship for my BD13's sake.

With the exception of #4 & #5, my DH's ex did the same. Was super pissed that no one in his family came to her father's funeral (she never told them!!!) and got extra mad when she found out that they all love me! I think she's funny!

I agree once you divorce and leave you leave that family and all the support that goes with it. Unfortunately bm does not think the same way. If the answer she gets from bf is not one she likes she immediately phones bf'sparents and will ask them the same thing. Or ask them to babysit sd. It's complete crap I wouldn't ask my ex I laws to piss on me if I was on fire.

Yep - our BM is in constant contact with DH's family. I even ran across photos of MIL, both SILs, and BIL at her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas (supposedly they don't celebrate holidays for religious reasons so we didn't invite them over here). SIL told DH that "she doesn't want to get involved or choose sides". Guess what? You already did. I want NOTHING to do with them at all. Not only are they all lazy, crazies, but as far as I am concerned they are being really disrespectful to me and DH. I just bought a horse and keep it in their town - SIL and BIL's kid wants to ride, but BIL lives off unemployment outside the ski season and SIL doens't work so they can't afford one. I am just waiting for them them to ask DH to let them ride ours. I am all prepared to tell them to go ride BM's horse - oh wait - she can't afford one either as a part time secretary. Bummmer. I never want to see them again.

OH BM used to insist that she was "family". She tried her hardest to stay in contact with his family. The only one that has anything to do with her is DH's biological dad. He hasn't spoken to him in over 3 years, so I guess she can have him.

Family... she wants his FAMILY to be her FAMILY when while she was actually a PART of the FAMILY, she hated them. Talked mad shit, fought with them constantly. Didn't allow them to see SS and basically tried to force them out of DH's life. Yeah. Family. Puh-lease.

DH has put her in her place with that MANY times. We are NOT family, we are NOT friends. You are the EX-WIFE, that's it. Nothing more.

Not family! I think that is where the term "once removed" comes in. My SO's EW thought she was family till my SO's family made it clear to her (after her harrassment of them regarding my SO and I) that HE was family and that she should cease contact immediately.

I kid you not....I thought you were writing about MY DH & his bitch ex...The Nasty.

You wrote:
1. Being an asshole at events and not speaking or not even attending them in the first place.
(Not speaking to anyone, b/c she was drunk & passed out on the sofa.)

2. Not engaging with anyone, INCLUDING your own child.
(Not engaging b/c she was drunk & passed out on the sofa.)

3. FUCKING other men while you were married to MY H.
(Replace "men" with fucking other "women" while married to my H....yep, that would be The Nasty.)

4. Waiting until MY H was out of town on business and then emptying 75 percent of the house, moving all your shit and half of his out. OH! But you did leave one thing behind for him when he got home: SS7. Stay classy...
(Waiting until MY H was at work, backing a truck up to the house, having your friends & parents over to help you move out 99% of the house....THAT would be The Nasty.)

You can see why I thought you were writing about our situation!

And, to your point, not only NO, but OH HELL NO! No way that nasty-ass bitch is still family. Remarkably, my MIL hates The Nasty as much as DH & I do, in fact all of DH's family hates The Nasty!

IMO, BM is just that Birth Mother or Baby Mama which ever you prefer. Is she SS's family of course but that does not make her DH's or my family.

Some SIL's still thinks of her as family and one SIL referred to her as family. I set them straight, they may think she is family that is their choice but I don't.

When you divorce the family tie is broken. If they choose to remain friends with her after her affair on their brother than that just shows they have poor taste in friends and not much respect for their brother.

If my SIL had an affair on my brother I would not be her friend!

Hey...forgot to mention in my previous post....I believe there are TWO kinds of "family": 1) family of origin (births), and 2) family of choice.

Personally, my family of choice does NOT include BM, and the skids are on the periphery & they'd better act right if they want in MY club!

I still invite my dead ex's parent to some Holidays with my new DH. He doesn't mind at all.

But, I can certainly see why you are pissed. It is very inappropriate and callous to your feelings.

People just suck sometimes.

I'm of the mind to disagree but see around here (exH family, and my family, well mostly exh family as my exh never was close to mine) have a rule once family always family as long as you don't cause drama. I love my exh's family they are great people I still go to family functions either to pick up or drop off my kids usually and visit for a few. Originally I went I was invited ex and I were uncomfortable but kinda gave each other a wide birth, then I got with SO and he his gf, I again went to Thanksgiving taking the kids hung out chit chatted started eating when exh showed up with gf (this after he'd told his cousin he wasn't going to go cause he wasn't invited really he just failed to call and ask time that's how his family is) Well I'm a big girl so went on with what I was doing talking to family and I again kept my distance didn't bad mouth, glare, stare, or cry see I acted like an adult while cousins and aunts point out the mouthy glaring nasty attitude from exh and gf (strange exh hadn't acted like that before ah showing off for the gf) I shrugged and said I didn't care wasn't gonna get ruffled over it. I left leaving the kids to hang with their dad only to have them dropped off 15 min after I got home because the gf was pissy I was "even allowed on the property" um seriously think his family needs to make the no drama rule clear. and she wanted exh to take her to the movies.
I've been invited to EVERY family function, some I go to early visit and scoot before exh and gf show or go later after they leave. I'm just not going to let her act like her attitude is my fault because I'm there. These people my family love my kids and my kids love them exh isn't much liked by his own family for things he's done, if it wasn't for me my kids would have no relationship with his family as he mostly goes when he hears I am (which now I tell his cousin to just say I am even if I'm not so the kids get to go) I'm the one who calls to check on his parents they have had some very serious medical issues his dad has a terminal disease (though it's so rare and drug trials are helping he's now beyond the average life after diagnosis)I'm the one who helps out the cousins because they know I'll show and help when I say I will.
As for my family if I'm having something for my kids I invite him and the gf (he's come 1 time to his son's birthday party by himself) he then stopped coming to non school/sports things for the kids so I stopped inviting for awhile then he got all butthurt I didn't invite to our dd's 16th party so I invited him to son's b'day and he told our dd "We're not going I'm sure you understand why." cause your gf can't act like an adult. The lose is to the kids but that's on him, but my family knows if they do come oh boy golly my family best not act like assholes to them or they will have to face me and they don't want to see their daughter and grandkids ticked they started drama.
So divorce or not we have kids we're still family just a different form. Marriage isn't till death do us part it's having kids that is we're stuck till we die we just have to choose how to handle me I'll stick with being the grown up about it.

It's called the "Entitled Womb" syndrome.

Symptoms are:

Greed
Selfishness
Entitlement
Guilting Ex
Being a twat in general

My DH’s ex is exactly the same way, except they were not even married which makes it even more ridiculous lol. BM basically got pregnant on purpose to try to trap DH knowing damn well DH didn’t want a baby with her… when he found out she was preg, he wanted her to get an abortion but she refused. Now, SD is 4, DH and I have been together for 3 years and BM still has constant contact with MIL and SIL. MIL and SIL even went to visit BM in the hospital a couple months ago when she had her 3rd baby (with the 3rd baby daddy, none of which were husbands lol). I was fuming when I saw the pictures on Facebook of SIL and MIL with BM and her new baby. OMG was I fuming. I start fuming all over again when I think about it! MIL and SIL swear the only reason they talk to her is because of SD but I just see no need for it. I think it’s disrespectful to DH and I.