Crunchy Sock Bucket

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Last week, I decide my job duties no longer included crunchy sock handling. When Stink (SS17) was asked to handle his crunchy socks, he cried.

Today, I was in the dollar store and found the “perfect” crunchy sock bucket.

Before dinner I presented the crunchy sock bucket to DH and Stink. They both stood there stupid faced. I handed the bucket to DH and told him to take the crunchy socks out of the hamper and put them in the bucket. He skeeves at touching crunchy socks too, he delegated the task to Stink.
Stink threw a fit about having to touch crunchy socks, after a heated discussion….Stink headed to the hamper crying. After he was finished, he threw the bucket at DH. DH made him pick up all the crunchy socks was again. At this time, the tears were really flowing and he was having difficulties breathing. When he was finished, he stormed off crying, slammed his bedroom door and didn’t eat dinner.

I have to keep on reminding myself I am talking about a 17 year old.

Is he really 17? Is he

Is he really 17? Is he special needs? Cause honestly I cant imagine an almost adult crying because he has to pick up his nasty socks.

This kid crys over eveything,

This kid crys over eveything, if I'm late to pick him up from school....he crys. I think his BM falls for it.

When we got our elder boy

When we got our elder boy from the cuckoo bird mother he had everything done for him too. Our boy does not have a learning disability, he was home schooled because...well...I guess he did not like school?? We got him his GED and got him into college. DH actually commented that he gave our boy much more credit for ability than was actually present so we had to slow down a bit with our expectations. Fortunately we managed to turn things around and I am a firm believer in that you teach kids the VALUE of independance. DH and I took custody of his younger kids, likewise abandoned by cuckoo bird mother. It's a hell of a roller coaster ride, DH was in denial so deeply it was tough!! I even found myself in a bit of denial too, I was torn between 'how can these kids be so damned selfish? With a bit of 'well, look at the learned behaviors they have' and 'OK I'll cut them some slack' which was a horrible place for me to be!! Then DH began some tough love with them, I supported him (strongly) and now we are seeing a turnaround. Our girl is having two years in a secure juvenile detention center to re evaluate herself and our boy is not getting done what he needs to do on his own so he's realizing that he has to work WITH us to get what he needs. Hell on wheels!! I was powerless to do much, what I did was undone by DH in denial, guilty parenting etc. When I did chastize the kids I was the evil one, DH would say stuff like 'if only my wife and daughter could get along' wich is BS because we did get along until I had cause to call her on something she'd done...which was quite often!!
I disengaged with taking responsibility for the two younger ones, it was to let him see exactly what i was talking about. I still maintained my relationship with them then as time went by, however, DH saw that it was not just me that was SD's issue and that she was causing havoc everywhere she went that he did something about it. DH has made amends to me, we will continue to love the kids no matter what and I sincerely hope that forward progress continues. I feel for you, disengaging is really hard to do. Can I suggest that you send him to daddy every time he wants something done? Without causing friction it's difficult, like walking a tightrope! I'd still speak kindly to the SKids, still reassure them I love them, still ask how their day went etc. but when it came to getting them up for school? Tell your DAD!! Ridng them to places? Ditto...and so on. I was a lone parent for 20 years and managed to juggle my time between kids, school and work etc. Walk in my shoes for a while darling!! My younger bio son has Aspbergers and he is very independant natured, and now lives in his own apartment with support from a care team. There's a lot of love in our home, that's the key element for us.

He touches them to put them

He touches them to put them in the hamper right? At least your dh made him do it!

I was doing really good with

I was doing really good with the disengage thing, up until last weekend and eveything just went to shit.

I just want to smack this kid. I contacted his therapist, she doesn't see the sense in putting him into a group or one-on-ones because of DH's denial and lack or making/allowing him to grow up.

It just seems ot be getting worse. We were leaving him behind on the weekends but that stopped. He seems ot get overly upset when we leave without him (even to go to the store).

I think he is regressing by the day. I'm going to talk to the therapist tomorrow. I don't why I am even going all we do here is tread water.

Can I leave with with you for a few days?

I have wood shed, I can

I have wood shed, I can always pad the walls and we can use that as our sanctuary!

He still hasn't gotten his driver's license, he will be renewing for the THIRD time in July. Every school day, DH takes him to school....he drives. That is the only time he drives. He went to driver's school, DH spent almost 3k and the kid failed miserably. DH refuses to give them another penny. Last summer, I took him to take the test. He frigging flipped-out and started to cry, he was a frigging wreck over just watching a kid take the test. He needed to learn how to do a 3 point turn.......a year later he still hasn't learned and he freaks when it is mentioned. Not only will Stink be living here, I'll be driving him around. He ruined my car...the passenger side seat smells like him. I almost puked last week from the smell.

No one understands why DH doesn't see any of this. He expects more from the puppy than Stink.

Ok, I am sorry, but does

Ok, I am sorry, but does anyone see something WRONG with him? This is NOT normal!!!

LOL at Stink leaving your car seat smelly....

I've been following these

I've been following these posts and wondering the same thing. Or maybe DH has coddled him into emotional stuntedness?

According to the therapist

According to the therapist the kid has the worse case of learned helpless she has ever seen. Bm was still tieing his shoes when he was almost 14. In this house he hasn't had a piece of toast or a butterd roll since he was 13, my rule is if you can't eat it without help, you don't eat it.

Ok, this is WAAAYYYY too

Ok, this is WAAAYYYY too much. I am so sorry for laughing out loud. I feel so BAD for you!!

Can you please tell me what makes you stay? Do you think you can help him?

I have never heard of 'learned helpless' but wow - he's got something alright.

Considering he knows the

Considering he knows the crunchy socks are disgusting and does not want to touch them, have you considered going a step further?

That they are not allowed in your washing machine and your SS must wash them by hand? In the bathtub, which he must promptly disinfect after doing laundry? Since these socks bother him so much, perhaps repeated handling of them would prompt him into changing his socks more often before they get to the crunchy stage.

Honestly, I don't think I want to know how long socks have to be worn or what must happen to them during that wearing to make cotton become crunchy.

Yes this is the method to

Yes this is the method to address fear of a particular object. Gradual exposure. You could start by taking pics of the crunchy socks and putting them up in his room until he gets used to the sight of them. Then by actually placing a crunchy sock,say, on his pillow. He would need to leave it there until he felt totally comfortable with it. Then next he could move on to briefly touching the crunchy sock perhaps with gloves. Then without the gloves. Until eventually he works his way up to the crunchy socks being his best freaking friends and going everywhere with them. Sorry-I dont know if this is even remotely funny to you but as a therapist I am LMAO at using systemic desensitization on "crunchy socks".

Seriously I would say this kid has MAJOR anxiety issues. He needs some sort of major intervention, perhaps even meds, to assit with him being a functional adult. Even when kids are coddled, most will still break away from their coddling parent, in order to live out their own life (to some degree). This kid sounds completely nonfunctional-at the rate he is going he will never be self-supporting. Your dh realizes that right? The more he puts off small tasks of independent living the more feared and anxiety provoking they will become and the harder it will be to overcome it. I hope your dh is cool with supporting him for the rest of his life.

I am laughing...that all I

I am laughing...that all I can do. I saw the therapist today, she said there as been a major improvement in me....I am in total I don't give a shit mode. I had to go into the bathroom (to laugh) when he cried last last over the crunchy socks. I wish I did this when the kid stopped wiping his butt.

The kid does have AS but he is high functioning. Learned Helplessness is the term we use. DH falls for it, BM is worse. I have just had it, it was never cute. This is kid is co overly coddled that he has lost the desire to to do things for himself, he hasn't combed or brudhed his hair since I stopped DH from doing it when he was 13 nor has he had anything that requires spreading something on bread with a knife. He becomes rattled when ever we talk about him "growing up". DH thinks he is going to figure everything out.

I see a future agoraphobe.

Thanks for sharing your stories though!

I just wanted to tell you, I

I just wanted to tell you, I LOVE your titles!

Ewe!!!!Poor thing! And I mean

Ewe!!!!Poor thing! And I mean YOU! Gross socksand a crying 17yr old would really irritate me! Good luck!

hahahaha!! My DH has a

hahahaha!! My DH has a problem with "crunchy socks" and I just don't understand how one human being makes socks so gnarly and gross. He was always leaving his socks on the floor by the bed and would NOT put them in the hamper. I finally got sick and tired of the damn nasty things so I picked up his pile one day and stuffed them inside his pillow case. When he went to sleep he started complaining about his pillow being lumpy then looked inside and saw his nasty a$$ socks. When he got mad because he had to fish his petrified stinkarific socks out of his pillow case I made sure to tell him I didn't enjoy picking them up off the floor any more than he enjoyed digging them out of his pillow. He puts them in the hamper now, or he WILL find them in his pillow and have to smell his dirty frito-smelling crusty sweaty socks all night long.