Where to begin
I had this long drawnout post ready to submit, lost it and realized I can make this a little easier.
I am a step mom of 2 SS15 and SD12. I have a bio son with DH who is 7. DH and I have been married for 8 years, together since 1999.
We recently filed a petition for custody for SS & SD. Also putting in for mod of CS.
SS recently got in trouble under BM care and has pending alcohol charges against him.
We had SS court and custody set for today but she got those moved out, so now we have to wait until 6/22 & 6/30.
SS & esp. SD are acting more and more like her each day. Manipulative, inconsiderate, no respect for authority, dishonest...i could go on and on.
How do some of you all deal with that?
As much as I love DH, for the sake of my son and myself I have actually seriously thought about getting out while I still can...but I can't follow thru with it. I love DH too much and my son needs his father. I'm gonna stand firm that two kids will NOT break apart my marraige...neither will nasty BM and her games she tries to play.
DH is finally onto BM and tired of her bull (thank goodness)!
Tell him you do not want
Tell him you do not want custody, and explain why. It isn't best for your child. If he still wants to go through with it, tell him sorry but you tried. Separate for a bit, let him see you are serious, and he will come around. Just don't deprive him of your son while you are separated. He will notice a huge difference in the life he has with you and your son, and then the one he has with his kids. Of course he will miss you guys much, much more!
I probably should have
I probably should have elaborated a little more, I just didn't want this painfully long & drawn out post.
I don't mind if we get custody of the kids. At least then we would have more influence on their behavior.
With BM having custody SS & SD's grades have declined, behavior is unacceptable, and over all attitudes are poor.
We have the great potential to fix that, as long as if we get custody BM has limited access to the two of them. I'm up for the challenge of having full custody, I am not up for the circus that is my life now. The back and forth...(SD has moved in and out twice, everytime she gets mad at BM who does she run to) the hiding things (BM tells them to not tell us stuff, she does that with her other child that is 6 from her 3rd marriage). SS & SD are so messed in the head right now because their mom is a serial marrier, she is on her 4th marraige. they have moved 3 times in teh last year. She is moved concerned with making lovey with her new hubby than telling them she loves them, but yet they cling to her. I don't understand why they can't see whos home is better. I can't even begin to imagine what she is filling their heads with. I know she is buying them with her new hubby's illegal money, that is for sure!!!!
I would also like to add that
I would also like to add that I do not blame DH for any of this. He has tried to lay down the law with the skids and discipline them but BM never follows thru with it. Regularly we only have them on the weekends...Mon - Fri morning they are all hers and if she doesn't enforce the punishment then what are we to do.
While they have lived with us they have gone by our rules, which are much more strict and structured than BM's house. Chores, bed times, internet/game/cell phone time restrictions, etc. BMs home has none of that!
I get that you are alright
I get that you are alright with the battle, and want what is best for the kids, but the reality is...you can't fix them. No matter how hard you try or how much you may want to. Some children just have this thing with their mother no matter what. Also, their age doesn't help. At all. Yes, it would probably be better for them. But would it be better for your marriage? Would it be better for you? More importantly, would it be better for your child? The reality of most of those answer may suck, because of your motherly instincts, but somethings are just more important in life.
I can understand exactly how
I can understand exactly how you feel. I’m going through the exact same thing right now…except I’m not married and we do not have children together. So it makes it a little easier for me to walk away… which I’m considering. My BF and I just went through court to get custody, cut the irresponsible BM out of the picture (as much as we can…), and made a life that we “should” now have control over. Well, it hasn’t exactly turned out the way I had hoped. His girls are also older and teenagers…SD 12, 13, and 15, and it will be a LONG road before they’re actually “fixed”, if ever. We’ve reduced a TON of drama, but my concern is also for my boys, who are the same age as yours. They’ll witness and copy what the girls do, and it’s hard to sit back and watch. And even though the girls now love having me in their life, they’ve still learned some really bad habits from BM…and the more I think about it, probably BF too, and they might not ever change. I would be ok with the way things are now with the girls if it was just them, me and BF, but the more the boys act out when watching them, the more I feel like that don’t need to deal with that and I should get out while they’re young so they can enjoy they’re childhood. I really had NO idea what getting in to when we got together (only 1 yr ago), and I still don’t really know what to do either. In my heart I feel like things would turn out ok in the end, but I also don’t want it to be ok at the expense of my kids and what they have to go through in order to get there. AND having what happened in the girls childhood with their BM now affecting my kids.