My wife and I have been together close to 4 years and married for 3 years. When I met her I was fully aware she had two adult daughters and I was fine with that. Now, one is 19 and the other 21. Shortly after we were married, the trouble began with both stepdaughters. They both moved out within a month of our marriage and they both got pregnant with low life guys. They do not have educations because one dropped out and the other has to work 24/7 now to support her 1 year old. They have called the cops on my wife several times when my wife has disciplined them, and when I say discipline I mean a slap in the face when they have completely disrespected my wife with insults and actions you wouldn't say or do to your worst enemy. It's been quite shocking to say the least. My wife has never been arrested because the cops know that discipline is part of parenting but she has been warned that when they are over 18, the game changes. I have never gotten involved in that aspect. From the minute I met them, I knew it was not my place. They have a father and I do not step on anyone's toes. Of course, I set my rules and when they chose not to follow them, they decided to move out and lead their own lives. Prior to that I attempted everything to earn their respect but they wanted to take and not give back anything and thats not the way I work. For me its always been 50/50. I attempted to show them a better life, they rebeled and decided they wanted other things life had to offer, like being single mothers with no future.
The main problem is that the youngest one out of the two is an unfit mother. She is a pathological liar and the whole family knows it and most of the family has cut her off in one way or another. She has stolen money, she has been in trouble, she has moved back and forth from place to place. She is not stable and is currently in a violent relationship with a real scumbag guy. We have called the police on her BF numerous times and he has been arrested but she continues to go back to him as if he was the only man in this world. He is the father of her child and he has several other children he doesnt care for either. She has no idea how to be a mother and its a cause for concern.
My wife feels like she has to step in now and take custody of her grandson who is 1 month old. I do NOT feel this way. We are not responsible for the adult actions her daughter has CHOSEN to take. I feel bad for the situation but its not our place to take custody nor am I willing to negotiate the decision. We are not financially able to take on another child. We have an 18 month old boy which is everything to us and should be our main concern. I waited until I was 33 to have kids because I wanted to be stable and established before I took that step. I knew the importance and the responsibility of being a parent and I will not put my son second or put his future at risk because an immature 19 year old has decided to have a child. I will not take that road with my wife's grandson and I feel my marriage is in jeopardy because of it. Whenever that subject comes up, its an instant fight. She throws it in my face constantly that its her daughter and that her grandson needs to be taken care of if since her daughter is not up to it. Mind you, this child is only 1 month old. My opinion doesn't count at all, she sees me as an adversary. I know for a fact that if we take custody of this child, my marriage will end because I will not go down that road. Her daughter will not learn the lesson either and she will get pregnant again and it will be the same scenario and then what.
I love my wife and will do whatever I can to be there but I will not put ourselves in financial danger to take on someone else's responsibility. Plus, I am not obligated at all. I did everything possible to educate them not to take this road but they knew more than anyone and now they got what they wanted. I dont believe in divorce and I will continue to do what I can, but its getting to a point that when we discuss these issues, I just walk away now. She knows my opinion and I am vocal about it and it's hard for me not to express my feelings. This is something that I will hold my ground on. Has anyone been down this road? Is there any solution to this or is this worth fighting over? Thank You So Much!