House and money
Just another thing( I have posted on other thread about horrid SS15 and inability of BF to deal with his behaviour .) The house we live in is my partners. It is a large 4 bed so when we decided to move in together I moved in here as it was a large house to accomodate all 4 kids. However BF has kept it in his name despite me giving him £30k of my divorce settlement (this is protected by a solicitors agrrement) but he won't put my name on house documents(I work and pay towards mortgage). This is another reason I think SS thinks he rules the roost ie it's HIS house. I want to move but BF not keen to 'uproot' his lovely boy. I have no money to movee out with my kids as the 30k is tied up. Worried about putting my 3 thru separation again. It will also make my Exs day that I have failed again. 
I would not say you have
I would not say you have failed!! Why does SS know about this?? (Just wondering) I know how you feel thou! We moved into our home 2 years ago after renting for several. SD14 moved in w/ us about this time as well. we have 3 bios too. Eventhough I pay half of everything the house is only in DH name! For some reason My SD knows this?? and this is why she thinks she rules the house. It is a constant power struggle! I did not give a lump sum like you however.......did you get it in writing or have reciepts; your name really should be included as well. I hope it works out for you.
His BM has told SS as his dad
His BM has told SS as his dad owns the house it is also 'his'. She is money grabbing awful woman. Don't think BF has ever put him right either...
I would not worry about what
I would not worry about what your ex thinks.
If you are not moving for financial reasons, then it sounds like you are seriously doubting this relationship. As far as the house , I don't know what a 4 bedroom house is worth where you are, but your contribution does not seem to grant you ownership. Why did you contribute that? Can you get that amount back and use it to move on?
If I owned this house, and my boyfriend contributed that amount, and wanted to leave but stayed with me for financial reasons, I would not want their name on the house either. It sounds to me like neither of you has fully committed to this relationship and that is a good part of the problem.
The house was remortgaged
The house was remortgaged when I moved in, my 30k was my divorce settlement and was paid as a lump sum off the mortgage to reduce monthly payments which I contribute to. Effectively, the house was 'bought again' by my partner when his wife moved out and he had to give her the profit tied up in it. I don't expect to 'own' this house, but I have an interest in it. I was buying my own house when we met but pulled out so we could all live together in a larger property. I moved myself and my children to be with him.
My issue is that SS thinks this house is 'his' because he thinks his Dad owns it outright and he has always lived here.This has caused alot of problems and his selfish behaviour in general. I imagine that his BM has told SS this also (ie its not HER house do what you like). I feel sad that BF(of 5 yrs) will not put my name on this house - he says why pay a lawyer to change details when everything is ok? Everything is ok for his son, not me. I am concerned that this is just another way of keeping SS at no 1 position all the time. Maybe BF is not commited to relationship....I am but feel like I'm becoming a doormat while their lives are financially secure. I am 40 and need to think about my financial future as much as my emotional one. Been burnt before on that one and lost my house to abusive selfish ex- I was so relieved to get myself and my kids out of there I left with nothing (30k was the most the courts could eventually drag out of him yrs later) so maybe this past exp is making me cautious?
Sorry, it sounds like my post
Sorry, it sounds like my post is just concrned about money, I am not, I've had nothing before after an 18 yr marriage that I also put 100% into. I've worked all my life and am not willing to lose everything I've put in emotionally AND financially to a jumped up SS who thinks the world and everyone in it owes him. He leaves school next summer and I know he won't get a job and things won't get easier, they'll get harder if we also have to support another adult. I want to get things sorted now before adult no 4 (me, partner,BM and SS) enters my relationship. I have my own 3 kids I need to think of.....does that make sense? its v hard to give a whole picture......
This is going to be harsh,
This is going to be harsh, but you should have thought about your and your children's financial security/future *before* you gave your BF 30K towards his home without requiring your name be put on the refinance paperwork and then agreeing to continue to pay towards it monthly. I imagine laws differ somewhat in the UK, but you basically just gave him 30K. He has no obligation to repay the money should the relationship sour (and from your tone, it may happen), and you have no legal right to his property or any equity it may have accrued. If he dies, his son gets the home.
If you feel as though your BF is being upfront with you about his reasons (i.e. lawyers), offer to pay for one yourself. It may cost 2K - 3K, but compare loosing that ammount to loosing 30K + mortgage payment * months paid. Another option would be to draw up a repayment plan which is to be put into place should the relationship dissolve. Make sure it's a legal document with signatures and witnesses. Before you marry this guy (if it gets to that point), get a prenump in which the 30K and monthly contributions are aknowledged and you receive 50% of the home's value in the event of divorce.
Now, moving away from the financials, I agree with the other posters above. If this relationship doesn't work out, you shouldn't view it as a failure. It's never a failure to realize you're being used and your and your children's best interest are not being looked out for. Recognizing that for what it is and choosing to do the right thing is being a successful, independant woman and a successful mom. Also, seperating again may be a hiccup in your children's lives, but I doubt it'd be any more disruptive than constantly having to deal with an entitled, out of control step-sib.