Yikes. Oh, yikes. That's awful...I'm glad your baby is ok!
This is a problem with supervision. A 3 year old doesn't have the good sense to know how to treat a baby. Was DH aware he was in charge? I know that sounds stupid, but sometimes these men need to be VERY aware of what's expected of them.
Please, don't get angry with SS. He's just being a dumb toddler. DH needs to get a new asshole ripped, though!

my brother picked up a hammer when he real little about 2 maybe if that and almost hit our mom. She caught him before he did it. But I think that kids that little don't truly get that it can hurt. I don't think he was doing to really hurt the baby but more that he thought he was playing. Your dh on the other hand needs a new asshole ripped. He needs to understand that when he has his kid he needs to watch him and remind him of what he did to the baby, he might not get that he REALLY hurt the baby. I know that he SHOULD have gotten it but men are stupid. He truly might not understand that what his kid did was that bad and he has to be told.

I dunno. I'm thinking at 3 the SS should know better. Even if it's just basic "if what you're doing is making the baby cry, stop it and leave the baby alone." I think even a 3 y.o. would understand that a baby kicking and screaming is *hurting.* And DH? What an a$$hole buffoon. I'm sorry, I've said it before and will probably say it again many, many times; the safety of the child is priority #1. If DH cannot be trusted to supervise SS, and SS cannot be trusted not to hurt DS3mo., then you need to do whatever is necessary to see to it that DS3mo. is never out of your site when you SS3 visits. It may be a sad thing to say, but I honestly think an issue like this in my marriage would end it.

I agree with DollfacedSM. This is a huge issue. It's DH's child to look after, not your responsibility. You have enough on your plate with a new baby. Geez. I feel like I have to do the same with my DH. Hello, YOUR daughter is talking to YOU not me; get your lazy ass up and take some responsibility for her! GRRRR!!

But I can't believe your DH's rant. HIS son was putting YOUR baby in danger! WHAT A JACKASS!! He sounds very immature to me. He's talking about your marriage not surviving because you're not a nice person? How long have y'all been married?

"I deceived him whenever we got married because he thought I was a nice person and he can't stand me."

Yep, although I'm not married to GG (thank GOD) he has said the same thing to me since I"ve stopped being a doormat.

And don't get me started with the supervision thing. I don't know HOW many times he has conked out on the sofa at 8 pm (yes he works hard) when his hellions were coming to visitation, who, btw had NO bedtime at home and are allowed to stay up to all hours of the night per the Behemoth (BM).

I've pulled up in the driveway to see them getting ready to spray paint the vehicles and the house neon orange, swinging hammers, playing with power tools.

Men don't tend to supervise children as closely as women do generally speaking. I'll bet dollars to donuts if you asked guilty DH if he thought that SS3 was "just playing" with bioson, he'd say "yes."

It seems that these biodads won't do a thing until something seriously happens (i.e. biochild gets injured by skid). And then sometimes does nothing as well despite a serious event happening.

And I think I mentioned in your earlier blog that the desire to spend "alone" time with biodad will diminish after you lose all respect with his "totying" to skid(s). I know b/c I experienced this myself!!

It's gonna be an uphill battle but you must protect bioson from SS3 with all your might as this kid sounds like he would seriously hurt bioson if he gets the chance.

Sounds like my DH. I also "deceived" him when in reality, I think it was the opposite! I LOVE how the whole "this relationship isn't going to work" bit comes out whenever THEIR kids do something wrong. SS4 is the priority and all of us need to work around his EVERYTHING. I understand it to an extent bc he isn't here full time and DH has a custody order to follow but it's annoying. SS4 pushed DS1 down outside and he fell and smacked his head on the sidewalk. DH put SS in timeout but didn't seem extremely bothered by what had happened. If my DD had done that, she would have been in BIG trouble with DH. DS could have been seriously hurt! SS and DS share a room. I waited until DS was almost a year before he left our room and I have made it VERY clear to SS not to mess with DS while he is in there. I haven't had any problems with that (thank goodness) but SS and DD do put things in the crib that would be choking hazards. So I have to make sure to inspect the crib every time I put DS in there. DH didn't think it was a big deal until he found a choking hazard which of course, was DD's fault. I'm so glad your baby is ok. I would put a lock high up on the baby's door so only adults can get in there!

I completely understand where you are coming from. I have no suggestions being that my situation is scary similar. I just wanted you to know I share your frustration you are not alone and it hurts when you know deep down that the sk come first before you and your child.

That is my worst nightmare. My son is only a month younger than yours and our SD Monster is also 3. That is exactly why SD has not seen or been around my baby. My DH sounds similar to you in dealing with SD too,I put my foot down and told him if he wanted to see her that HE needed to supervise her when she's here, not so surprisingly since I told him that she hasn't been here once. I think you handled the situation well, I think I would have drop kicked SD if she had tried to suffocate my baby.

Hey just a thought, you would probably get more readers if you interviewed controversial people for your blog.

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When my niece was three she picked up a bat and hit my nephew in the head with it. He was 3. She seemed really confused when he started crying and said "I want to play" over and over again. Well she may not have known better until then, but after she got her butt whopped and on time out she never hit anyone with anything ever again. That's exactly what youre DH should have done.
If you can't trust him to watch his 3 year old then you can't trust him to watch your baby. Tell him flat out that you WILL not have your child endangered. He needs to step up or step out.

That's horrendous! I agree that maybe a three year old might not know better, depending on level of maturity, but it's a parental responsibility to INFORM a three year old that it's wrong to do what he did, by whatever means works! DH really does need to be 'informed' that for the duration he is to supervise his son, you could keep baby with you in a baby carraige but that's extreme. I like the idea of putting a lock at adult height, I'd still be concious that SS might get a chair though, if he falls and hurts himself then he might think twice? DH is in denial, it happens. Yes, you are a good person, the same good person he married and I am reading that the situation changed and brought out reality and it seriously does need to be calmly addressed in my opinion...some ground rules about who is supervising and who is responsible for what happens and what are the consequences. I'd be telling DH that I do NOT want the death of our baby to be a 'consequence' that everyone would have to live on with.
I get that it's all too easy for any of us to say what we'd do in a situation, believe me I have not always had the courage of my convictions at times too. Sucking up something as dire as that is setting the scene for much worse, I have sucked up a lot and it got worse and worse the more you do not stand up for yourself. Now EVERYONE here knows exactly where I stand. It's really up to them what they do though, I am seeing changes for the better as I 'obliged' DH to see a lot of stuff for himself. I am so evil, what can I say?

...When we first got together this kid was never around he DH lost shared parenting bc he literally never utilized his visitation...

Maya Angelou was right when she said: “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.” From the very beginning he showed you the type of parent he is. 

3 years old is plenty old enough to understand that holding a blanket over a baby's head is NOT ok. 3 years old is plenty old enough to understand "baby is sleeping. do not go in baby's room please." Your husband is insane if he doesn't see what's wrong with what his child did. It wasn't a minor situation. SS could have killed your baby. I would be LIVID. My husband knows he's gotta be ON when he's watching both kids. I expect him to monitor everything that happens between SD6 and DS5 months right down to ensuring she's not touching his face/toys when she's sick. I take my baby's health seriously and so does my husband... that's how it NEEDS to be. Baby's safety and health come first. Simple. 

What's really upsetting here is he wasn't paying attention when you needed him to. I understand being a mom to an infant is hard. When they nap, that's moms time to get EVERYTHING done, whether you're just trying to eat something and grab a hot coffee or you're tidying up or whatever, you try and get it all done during that short nap. YOU shouldn't be responsible for watching SS during this time. You've gotta do what YOU need to get done and your husband has to watch his child and be diligent enough to ensure his child doesn't harm yours. 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.