I want my life back !!!

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Hi All. Would so love some guidance please! My 18yo step-daughter moved in with us at the start of the year. She previusly lived with her mother about 3 hours drive away, and we only saw her for holidays. I am not a child friendly person at all (have no children of my own, am an only child myself, and generally prefer my horse or dog or cat to children !). I am really missing the relationship that me and my husband used to have before step daughter moved in - long sleepins on the weekends, cuddling on the couch, walking on the beach - things like that, and now everything that we do try to do together involves her or I just feel uncomfortable doing things knowing that she is around. I generally hide in the bedroom reading a book or watching TV so that I don't have to deal with her - not very mature I know, but I just get so frustrated when she leaves mess all round the place or seems to take over any conversations I try to have with hubby.

She is a good kid. She gave me a card a few weeks ago to thank me for being a good step-mum, which was really nice but it doesn't make me feel any better about what seems to be losing my husband / life / house.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

PS - I'm a 41 yo, have known SD since she was 4.5yo but she's pretty much always lived in another city. Married to husband for just over 10 years.

Hi Alex, I married at 41,

Hi Alex, I married at 41, have now been with my husband for 7 years married (known him for 10). I also have no children of my own. His son moved in with us when he was 18 (that was 7 years ago). We managed to enjoy just 7 months of new marriage before that happened. The stepson had moved overseas, but came back! Stayed with us on the proviso that he work or go to school and I said I would give him 2 years to get established here. Well that ws 7 years ago! He went on to develop schitzophrenia from his drug problem we were unaware of and continues to smoke pot! I used to hide in our bedroom also in order to not deal with him or be around him as he is very negative company. You end up becoming a prisoner in your own home! We had to lock our bedroom and office to stop him riffling through our things looking for money to buy drugs. I caught him a few times doing that. He actually smoked meth or ice for a while too. Well it all just became too much for me and I moved out a week ago. Until hubby finds a solution for him, we will have to live apart. No one wants this boy. We have tried many supervised accommodations & drug rehab - where he just fails and gets kicked out and ends up back at our house! good luck with your stepdaughter - I hope she doesn't try pot or get in with the wrong crowd. I hope she talks to you and communicates well - so at least that's a start in preventing anything like this happening to your family. take care and good luck.

Hi Mia. Thanks for your

Hi Mia. Thanks for your reply. Your situation sounds much worse than mine does - I don't think she'll go the drug way, but I guess you can never tell. Don't the Tough Love people say that you should just lock your door and let him get on with his own life?

Good luck to you and I hope it all works out. What a shame to have to give up on your marriage to work around the step-son.

Alex.

okay, just so we are clear on

okay, just so we are clear on this, your SD leaves messes around....BUT she acknowledges you and appreciates you, and even expresses it....

my advice? nut up or shut up. you knew he had a child. and you also knew you didnt like children much. but you got with him anyways, hopefully you knew there would always be a chance of her being in your life...if u didnt, then u fall into a fantasy SM category.

being she is a 'good kid' but also a legal adult, why not develope a friendship with her? go get your nails done, do some things around the house, go for girly lunches and shopping trips. she is an adult, therefore should be able to wipe her own ass, so dont bother being motherly or a dicsiplinarian...be her friend. seems to me she would accept that.

sorry to sound so harsh. but i feel you are being a tad bit selfish. had you said she was trying to break u guys up or destroy u, then i would feel differently.

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