My bf and I live together. We've been together for almost 3 years. Just recently started cohabitating. So far things are ok. I've been really stressed bc of my financial situation. I had surgery 3 months ago and it took a big hit on my pocketbook. I've had to rely heavily on my bf. He's been very very good to me.

At the same time, when dealing with kids....I'm not sure whether I expect too much or I'm being overly sensitive.
He has a regular visitation schedule with his daughter (12). I've posted before about how he caters to her. He's gotten a lot better since we've been dating. He asks me questions and I try to give honest responses.
But lately, when my daughter comes over.. she's 19, she is treated like she's 12 but then she's held to a higher accountability at the same time.
It's almost like she can't do anything right. Also, I feel like since it's not my house, and I am not really paying anything right now....she's pushed to the side or forgotten in the mix of things. Like my bf forgets that she needs a place to sleep when she visits, too.
She lives with her dad and starts college in the spring but she comes to stay with me here and there on the weekends.
She's my daughter... of course i want to have some sort of comfortable place for her to sleep.
She had been staying in his daughter's room when she wasn't there. Last week the 12, I will call her sd, she found a cd that my bd had left in the room one time, she was all freaked out and kept saying I just don't know why that was in there. It was just in the room. I just looked at her and said.. well, she must have left it last time she stayed here. And i walked off.
There has got to be nothing worse than a smart mouth 12 year old.. except a 15 year old! haha!
So... it's all about the sd.
We recently decided to remodel the carport. Close that in, put in a bathroom, with a nice closet. Then when we were discussing who would move to that room, I said well, we would of course.. it's a master bedroom with a bath! And it will be nice to have that bath right off our room. Not to share!!!!
I got the idea that my bf was actually considering moving his daughter to the new room? I kinda poo-pooed that idea. And it was not mentioned again.
Now, it's come up that when we move to the new room, he is thinking about moving his daughter to our old room. It's a huge room. The sd has a room. It's not huge and for the time that she's here. It's fine. Esp for her age. She is not 16 and needs space. She brings one small overnight bag when she comes. And she takes it all back. So she really doesn't need the storage space of the bigger room even!
She has a bed, a desk and a dresser. And a closet that she never puts anything in.
So I think it's completely ridiculous to give her that bigger room.
I say keep it as a guest room/2nd office area/storage for now. That way my daughter has a place to throw her stuff when she's visits. And I have a place to work on my laptop and hobby area.
I guess what I'm wondering is if I'm being overly sensitive now to what I feel are slights to my daughter and to me? Or are these actually a sign of things to come?
I'm frustrated right now.. adjustments take time I realize that. I'm trying to make the best out of things.
My bf is not a bad person. He does listen to me. But I don't want to overload him with my emotional crap when it's not valid.
But I do want my kids to feel welcome in the home that I live in. And not to feel second rate. Another matter is that we really don't plan to stay in this house permanently. A year most likely then rent it while we find something a bit larger for awhile.
Should I speak up next time to say.. no.. she needs to stay in that room or is that overstepping my bounds?
Opinions welcome.
I'm just a mess when it comes to the sd. I'm really really trying hard but I can't stand how I get left out even when I'm trying really hard to include everyone in my life.. even his bratty daughter!
I actually had to drop her at her mom's last Saturday while my oldest daughter and I were on the way to shop for wedding dresses for her upcoming wedding. We actually intended to make a day of it. He told them a time in the middle of our day so we had to cut our entire day short as far as girl time.
He really seemed to think that I wanted to spend my time and money on and with his daugther as a group with mine??
Ok. sure but he never offered money for lunch or for anything. Part of it is just being a guy and the rest is just being oblivious.