Emotions so Conflicting
I need to vent among others who might understand. Yesterday was my oldest's birthday (31). I called her to wish hr a happy birthday and we talked for quite a long time. Towards the end of the conversation she starts asking me questions about her stepbrother. I have no contact with him. I don't know if she knows this or not but I seriously doubt that she has been completely unimformed, knowing my stepsons. I just answered her questions trying to politely get off the subject. She told me that she had received a Christmas card and picture of stepson's daughter whoc we have been forbidden to see.
I got off the phone and had so many emotions running thru my head. I don't know what my daughter knows and I don't like to keep family informed of hurts as then siding and gossip starts. She is entitled to any relationship she desires and I don't expect her to feel compassion for what awful ways this stepson has treated us. But you know, I can't help but think he did this to get back at his dad and I. He has NEVER sent Christmas cards, and now in today's computer age he is sending a Christmas card with an actual picture? He also started a FaceBook acct recently and accepted all the rest of the family on but not husband. I have not, and will not, attempt to contact him.
It just really bothers me. He is the one who made the choice to not let us see his daughter anymore and now I fel it is being shoved in our face like he is really going to make us pay. I want to kick his butt up between his shoulder blames so hard that he never sees tomorrow. What a rude, inconsiderate jerk!
I am a bit surprised that
I am a bit surprised that your daughter is unaware that you have no contact with her stepbrother. I acknowledge you don't want to drag her into conflict but this is a basic bit of information that I don't see any reason not to let her know.
If you and she have a close relationship, I would imagine that she would then bear this in mind when deciding what contact, if any, to maintain with your SS. It does indeed, sound like he is trying to play mind games with you and your husband.
There is no doubt in my mind
There is no doubt in my mind SS is playing mind games and that's been a big part of the problem all along.....lies, manipulation, blame. It been an on-going battle of sorts for many years and I think we all drew our boundaries finally. Oldest daughter has an email relationship with her stepbrothers but I do not talk abiout them with her. I feel I have to be careful with anything that I say as it might end up back to the person themselves. Perhaps I am wrong in my thinking but saying anything could just cause gossip and more family tension.
It does get all sick and
It does get all sick and twisted, doesn't it? There is no biological type between them what-so-ever and I guess I don't know why she would choose his side over mine but that, I guess is not what I want to get started here. Whether daughter grasps this or not, her stepbrotehrs will never go to visit her, they will never go out of their way to do something for her, or be at her back to defend her yet I am sitting here keeping this all inside fearing she will side with stepson, crazy huh? I wish my SS would take a flying leap off a bridge. Good point, they have only tried to hurt me and so I guess it realy doesn't matter what gets back to them, does it? Thank you StepAside!
You are so dead-on with this!
You are so dead-on with this! That is exactly what is happening. I never thought of it that my daughter was being used for her kindness but you are right. I guess it is a dawning of reality in a whole different light that I need to see here. Thank you!!