You let him out of the house in 9-degree weather with a wet sweatshirt and a canvas jacket, and you're proud of it? He's TEN! If you're mad that DH left early for work, take it up with DH later. Why take it out on the kid?

"Disengaging" is one thing. So don't go the extra mile with him. But not taking steps to protect the health and welfare of a kid that YOU are responsible for (yes, YOU were the only adult on deck this morning, it was up to you to watch out for him) is just irresponsible and frankly a little shocking.

Does your DH realize that you are not doing things like this for his kid? I assume since he asked you, then you said yes...? If DH does not know that you are "not" doing these things, then you MUST tell him and not just let him think you are doing it while his kid suffers. KWIM?

I am sort of hoping this post was a troll trying to start something. I don't want to think someone is actually this mean to a kid.

That is one thing that worries me about this site. So much can be miss-understood and bad advice abounds. The hate can sometimes be overwhelming and some will take the “venting” as real.

I know of several posters who dole out advice, but they themselves, do not follow the advice they expect other to follow.

If this is not a troll, I hope that she realizes that this is not the way to disengage at all. (I also hope that little boy is ok!)

then maybe his father should have made sure his lunch was packed. Maybe his daddy should have taken out his coat and dressed him or made sure the kid was aware he would be getting his father in trouble for neglect if he didn't wear it?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

UUMMM..the father asked SM if she would get the kid ready...I assume she said yes...and then did not follow through.

It is NOT up to the SM...but it sounds like she agreed to do it! If she did not want to then she should have said no.

I agree that a 10 year old is old enough to dress themselves. I am constantly telling SD9 to wear a sweater or coat when it is cold and she is constantly ignoring me, saying that she doesn't get cold. So guess what? I don't care any more. If she wants to go outside in 20 degree weather in capri's and tees because she thinks she looks cute, so be it. Like maux said, I am sure he has coats available to him, just as my SD has coats and sweaters available to her, but decided his lightweight jacket was more fashionable or more easily accessible.

If the kid was 5 or 6 I could understand the outrage, but seriously. The kid is 10. He knows its cold as soon as he opens the door and has free will and the intellectual capacity to grab a heavy jacket.

My ss will be 10 in a few weeks, and there is no way in HELL i would let him out of the house in a wet sweat shirt on a 9 degree day. Disengaging is one thing, but that's unacceptable.

The teeth brushing, breakfast and the lunch thing are no big deal. But letting a ten year old out into single digit weather in a wet sweatshirt is unconscionable. He probably doesn't understand how wet fabric will make him colder, or even how cold it really is outside.

Esp horrid is that the OPs Dh ASKED her to get his son ready for school. And since she didnt say that she told him no, I would assume that the Dh left for work under the impression that his son was being cared for. If she wasn't going to provide even the most basic level of human guidance, she should have told Dh that so he could have made other arraingments. He didn't just leave and assume that shed take over, he straight forward asked her.

I wonder how long that little boy was standing outside freezing before he got to warm up..... Could be along walk to school for him, or a long wait at the bus stop.

I also dont see a huge deal with this either. She didnt say his sweatshirt was sopping wet-it may have been slightly damp. A slightly damp sweatshirt, along with a canvas jacket is not going to kill the kid. I, too, have a son. He abhors coats. Seriously. I bought him a northface jacket for Christmas, but prior to that had not bought him a coat in several years. Why? He refuses to wear it. I can harp on him all day long and at most I could force him to put it on-only to have him take it off as soon as he gets out the door. Today he wore a sweatshirt with a tshirt underneath. It was about 30 degrees this morning. He is outside only walking from the car into the school building. He's not going to die. He is 12-old enough to suffer the natural consequences of choosing not to wear warmer things (he does actually have a winter coat that was purchased years ago that still fits).

Frosted flakes and apple pie for 2 meals a day? Not great. But again, is he gonna die? Is this neglect? Well or course not. Hey, hes got the fruit and veggie group, grains, and dairy covered.

That being said-Yes, I do think she needs to communicate to her dh (perhaps she has already )what she is willing to do or not do otherwise the whole idea of disengaging is lost. If you dont communicate then he may have NO idea that you are actually disengaging and that he needs to step up to the plate. If you did not wish to be responsible for the kid this am-I just wouldve told dh no and dh could have then either 1)stayed home himself to help him get ready 2)instructed his child on the things he wanted him to do for himself this morning and then followed up this evening to make sure they were done

Why is everyone so over the top about this post!?!?!?!?? It doesn't say anywhere that the sweatshirt was "wet"!!! It mearly said the dryer wasn't done yet!!!!

Take it for what it is!!! VENTING!!! No need to accuse someone of "endangering a minor child" or "neglect" or any of the sort.

Good god people!! A 10 year old knows how to get dressed! If they choose a "damp" (if it even was) sweatshirt and a canvas jacket... THEN LET THEM!!!! If that kid noticed he was cold.... you can be damn sure he'd dress warmer the next day!!!! Lesson learned!! Quit coddling your children and let them learn!!!!!

Let me just say this...
I have a son who is 18. He would wear shorts to school in 25 degree weather. He hates coats and always has, so i am just grateful that we live in Florida.
At the age of 10, if he was dumb enough to go out to school in freezing weather without the appropriate clothing and take only apple pie to eat for lunch, then more power to him. The thing is with boys, in most of these cases, THEY DON'T CARE. And one day of eating apple pie and being cold isn't going to kill him, but everyone is screaming NEGLECT.

Why didn't dear old dad make the lunch the night before? Why didn't he lay out poor precious's clothes? But once again, everyone wants to make it the stepmom's fault. I swear, these posts could sets women's rights back 100 years, and it's always the same people.

All this talk is making me wish it was summer.

I have a 10 yr old and it's a constant battle to get him to dress warm enough. The problem is, not wearing appropriate clothing/damp clothing does NOTHING except make him uncomfortable. That is NOT how you get sick! So let him have a natural consequence of freezing his butt off to learn how to dress appropriately, instead of getting nagged to do so, which would not even be affective. This is NOT neglect. It's ingenious parenting!

If her DH is anything like GG, you don't DARE announce your disengagement for fear of life and limb!!! He's 10 and old enough to find out that doing this haphazardly and at the last minute will result in consequences (aka the dryer incident).

I swear most parents nowadays want to keep their child wrapped in BUBBLE WRAP yet gladly let them have adult like privileges without the responsibilities. Horrendous!!

"Ten is the new Two" see link: http://www.opposingviews.com/i/health/parenting/amtrak-raises-age-kids-c...

Unwillingtoparticipate, I think people are getting out of control about your post. We are not talking about a 2, 3 or 6 year old child here. A ten year old is old enough to be educated about the weather and to dress appropriately. If he went to school dressed inappropriately, I'm sure he has learned to be better prepared for the next time. Kids will never learn to become self sufficient if we don't allow them to make their own mistakes.

I'm sure your SO also knows you have disengaged and the only way that would have happened is if your SO was not backing you up with parenting or listening to your needs and his lack of parenting his child. I too have diengaged and I understand where you are coming from.

What I do and I use your situation as the example is this;

Hi Honey, the morning went well. SS made his lunch consisting of an apple pie and had cereal for breakfast. He left for school wearing a sweatshirt, but I'm not sure if it was dry. But he seemed happy to go out in the cold dressed like that.

If SO has anything to say...I would simply tell SO the next time he will help his son better prepare him for the school day.

In my opinion, this is a website to vent and not critisize those who are looking for support. It is tough enough to live in these circumstances without having to
deal with critics.

There is a difference when someone says "in my opinion" or "I might have done..." instead of out right attacking.

gees, did i miss the part where op laced the apple pie with cyanide??

wtf, neglect ~ really??

go UWP, make sure not to let the door hit the little brat in the ass on his way out.

KUDOS to you unwillingtoparticipate! Very well done. The first time I posted something everyone and their mother bashed me. After a few rounds of this happening to me everytime I posted, I was ready to call it quits.

I wish I had your self confidence. Hope your day goes better tomorrow.

I didn't get through all the posts but I can tell you that if I attempted to tell either member of the "teenage holy trinity" that the sweatshirt they removed from the dryer was not fully dry and unsafe to wear, and they wanted to wear it, it would be a full fledged meltdown with them putting it on and walking out the door - giving me the finger on the way. And the only way to actually get them to wear anything other than flip-flops - even in the snow - would be to superglue real shoes to their feet.

Their parents think this is "cute" and "expressing their identity." I think it is insane but who the hell is going to listen to me? After all, my uterus doesn't work properly so I know nothing! I think the OP was just trying to get through another damned day the best she could.

And BTW - damp sweatshirt is nothing. If I could figure out a way to get a live badger in SS16's clothing I would!!! }:)

ROFLMAO at beyond pissed-off. at 230 am. Time for bed...

...BADGER!!!.... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

DH's kid very rarely dresses appropriately for the weather. I've known her since she was 10, she's 16 now, and in the beginning I would remind her to wear coats, put on a sweater, take an umbrella, eat an apple, pack a sandwich.

She's no dummy either but she also NEVER listened to me. After I disengaged I stopped making suggestions and stopped giving a damn if she was cold, wet or eating properly. Not my kid, not my problem.

UWP - you did a fine job letting this kid figure things out for himself. Maybe next time your DH will make his lunch and lay out his clothes and jacket for him the night before. }:)

How ODD....my 10yr old son knows to put on a jacket. BOTH boys-especially my oldest drives me nuts not wearing enough clothes IMO for cold weather...bah...let him be cold. A little thing as natural consequences for our actions-nothign wrong with that.

My youngest will set out his clothes (the 10yr old) the night before and I always remind them to get a thicker jacket or wear TWO hoodies and take one off later (yeah they always listen lol). They know how to get dressed but the thickest jacket they are wearing these days is a hoodie over a long sleeve plaid shirt or thin sweatshirt. They will wear a hat if really cold...they normally eat at school but they have prepared their own lunch at times also. DAD should have made sure the lunch was packed and his clothes ready and dry before HE left for work. He was already ASSUMING his disengaged wife would do it....men are incorrigible sometimes ha~

I remember my mom fighting with us ALL the time to wear a coat/jacket, it's cold, put more clothes on, and as a kid I remember thinking she was NUTS lol-kids don't feel the cold the way we older ones do...they are bothered by lots of bulky clothes. I don't think I could get them to wear a sweater now if I paid them...unless it was the 'brand' they liked ughhh

I think op got the reaction she got because she added the LMAO. If she had stated what happened and said well, it's too bad no one cares about this kid enough, then it would have been different. It isn't funny for a kid not to have learned to " care" for and about their selves.

I am almost 60 years old. I almost never wear a coat. Still alive and healthy. A coat is just a pain to keep up with. I will wear a coat if I am in NY and outside walking for hours - but otherwise I can be cold for ten minutes.

Dear Husbands drive us to disengage because we have ALLOWED them to drive us crazy!

Start setting healthy boundaries NOW, and despite his complaints, whining and guilt trips he tries to put on you - stick to them!

You will hopefully see him change his ways - unless he is a really stubborn, self-centered SOB.

Good luck.