the question at hand is always is the juice worth the squeeze. Not one person on this forum will lie to you and say this is ever easy. Not custodials like myself who have complete say and control of skids lives/goings on to part timers who have limited visitation. This job, in my estimation, has a lot to do with how you look at it and the perspective you choose to see yourself and your relationships in. It will be hard. You WILL have to deal with and make allowances for biodouche. It will be a constantly changing lifestyle. As soon as you get ahold of one issue another crops up. You will make mistakes. You may be unfairly judged for them. Step parentood isnt for the faint of heart. Its for people who arent selfish, have big hearts and tough skins. You will be tested. You will be frustrated and angry. Some days you'll want out, others you cant imagine being anywhere else. There is no super huge pay off. Its a journey and you will determine the outcome by your actions day in and out. You will be loved, hated, judged, accused, confided in, confortable, cast out, lonely, happy and angry. Sometimes all in one day. You arent stuck until you say i do, and even then some posters will tell you doesnt mean it will pan out. Ask yourself can you live without this woman? Live without her kids? That should help you find an answer. This is a huuuuuge commitment. Take time to be sure of it.

Run. Ok, maybe that's not what I meant. I have to say that I don't think stepdads have it anywhere near as bad as stepmoms. Also, if your girlfriend has custody, she calls the shots and no matter what you might think, odds are that SHE's the one in control. Not sure why bio-dad doesn't pay CS...as I have NEVER heard of it unless there is shared custody and even then, some men are FORCED to pay cs.

So, really, she sounds great. Glad you are getting along. You know there are THOUSANDS of women age 28 WITHOUT kids...If I knew then what I know now, I would say that EVERYONE deserves at least ONE chance at a marriage without the nightmare of ex's and skids. And well, I did have my chance before I married my husband. Darn, I think anyone who doesn't have kids should not be allowed to marry anyone with kids. My 2 cents.

Good luck.

Why isn't dad paying CS?

It is a tough road, and only you can make that decision for your life. Read some of the posts here, they may help LOL.

I do want to comment on this:
"It makes me sad for her to hear one of the children say things like "Daddy says you wolnt let us see him more". When that's not how the custody agreement works when they signed it."
Custody agreements give a MINIMUM of time to fathers (usually) and the custodial parent has the ability to give more time to the non-custodial parent. So if the dad wants more time, and the mom won't let him, in MOST cases it is not right. Women who hide behind the court order and say, "But the court order says..." have issues. They are NOT looking after their child's best interest MOST of the time. I'm sure she thinks he's a crappy dad, and only lets him have the visitation he gets because she HAS to. But her feelings for the father are not important to the child or how he will parent the child(ren).

I say this from experience. Put yourself in the father's shoes and how her actions would affect you as the father. I say this because there may be more drama here than you realize. I lived an hour away from my bf for the first 6 months of our relationship and things REALLY change once you live in the same town. And the drama is NOT fun.

OMG, this sounds just like my situation except that mine hasn't been that long. I can really relate to how you feel. It has been the hardest decision in my life to make. When I first met my bf, I didn't know anything about stepkids and this whole world. My family started telling stories of women in family who has been through it or are in it. I even met a far relative who is married to a man with kids. She told me even though it won't be the end of the world as your mother makes it look like one, but still you should keep your options open and don't rush it in. The thing though is that I feel extremely guilty thinking of leaving him :(. It is not his fault. He is a good man.

Please tell me what you decide and good luck.

If she is marriage minded and family minded, leave. Stop seeing her. Stop seeing her kids.

It's rude awakening time. You are shop lifting the goodies from a single mom. You aren't willing to commit, and understandably so, but still you are taking up a space in her life.

It's okay to say "I'm not sure." If you aren't sure, stop wasting her time. Either she is definately worth it, no hesitation, or she isn't.

If you make this relationship permanent you are getting married to all 4 of them so make sure you understand that before you sign the contract.

Before you make your decision, consider this...

You are NOT your gf's kids father, nor will you EVER be.

If your gf is a good person, you will ALWAYS be last, her kids will always come first.

Her past experience with her ex will most likely factor majorly in how she handles you in a relationship.

The teenage years are ahead.

If you consider that the average person starts a careen at age 23, you will be locked in to a huge variety of issues until you are about 47.

As their biomom, your gf has first say on discipline.

When you come home to your house/apartment, and it's JUST you, and no one else, it is a blessing...cherish it, because it will never happen again.

As far as bio dad is concerned? Yeah, you will have to bite the bullet on MANY issues that come up.

You may hurt for a while, but when you become a step, you give up a lot. Think of what is best for YOU long term.

If you dont mind me saying i havent read the replys just read your info. I no how hard it would be for you to become a sd but what hurt on your info was daddy says you wont let us see him anymore that is the bd saying this to the children not there thinking . By the sounds of it you want things to move on yes you maybe jittery but surely if you have feelings for each other then that was in the pipe line .Yes i understand you had nothing to worry about in the past and taking on a new partner with children would be hard but its through no fault of the lady you are seeing , honestly i cant see a problem maybe you are scared of commitment, as for bd he will have to get used to his ex being happy . You sound like a decent man dont be to hasty you get no guarantees in life nothing in life is easy but can be rewarding . Kids always come first in a relationship some people find that hard but wouldent you rather them turn out ok with help or mums partners coming first if u get me . ps step dads are important too choose rite but at least have a good talk with the woman u are seeing communication is a great means of sorting slight to massive problems