I stayed home yesterday with my FSD7 who was sick with a 103 fever. Once my FDH came home I went to work. All night FSD7, FSD6, AND FSD3 coughed through the night. I work a majority of the time from home, but I told my FDH if one or more of them have to stay home to call their BM to pick them up (Tuesdays are her day to pick them up from school anyway). BM always throws a fit about moving her kids "SO FAR AWAY" ... we are about 30-45 minutes away... and he pays her CS for gas money, even though she only see's the kids about 5-8 hours a week, so I had a feeling this request might be a long shot.

Luckily this morning the younger two kids were clear of a fever, but the oldest one seemed a little more wilted than the day before. BM loves to remind FDH and I how she is their mother and she birthed them... whoopty f-ing doo... as i've read on here, there are a lot of people who realize birthing a child doesn't mean you are mothering them. So I told FDH to text her (because she will not and has not talked on the phone to FDH or I, she can say nastier things through text. She's not that bold in person) and tell her to pick up FSD7, so I could get some work done today. Surprisingly, she agreed to get her. But about a week ago she wigged out at me via email and told me not to talk to her and if *she* (keyword there) has any issues she'll email my FDH. I wiped my hands clean, and despite the 8 revisions of emails I had telling her off, I saved them all as drafts and felt it was for the best that I stay silent and she can be in the dark, since I know more about *her* kids than she does, and occasionally, I know more than my FDH does since I enroll them in after school activities and pick them up and drop them off 90% week to school.

BM comes to pick up FSD7 and I felt that she should know that FSD7 has had a 102-103 fever for over 24 hours and hasn't really budged even with fever reducing medicine. I talked to my FDH before hand and said if she reaches 104 BM should probably take her to a clinic to try and get it down, as it can cause internal damage. As soon as I send FSD out to her she is touching her forehead and "oh my baby" I let her know the fever temp and she totally disregards me... I didn't even get to the "clinic" part of it. She is so animate about not conversing with me, that she is willing to basically ignore vital sterile information to help her, help her kids. She does this shit all the time. Then when she wants me to do something for her and I actually can't, she posts all over FB how rude and a-hole people are for not trying to be helpful and how helpful she is to other people (basically anyone but us).

She forgot to pick up her youngest a couple weeks ago from preschool... on her day. So of course I had to drop everything to get her. I told her earlier that week she gets out early on Thursdays. But she didn't want to listen to a word from me, so instead, she left her daughter with no one to pick her up at school. She's been late picking up the oldest from school before too. I get a phone calls because she didn't show. ... Swan Dive to the rescue. She even said that to my FDH "Oh, stepmom to the rescue :-p" after I had to go pick FSD3 from school after she vomited everywhere.

I told my FDH that I am no longer going to correspond with her, so when the kids schedules change with after school activities, she's on her own figuring out why she's there 2 hours early and what part of the building to get her.

There is a meeting at a school for parenting next wednesday. My FDH asked if he should inform her. I said, "No, she has a 'to mom' folder at the school, if she doesn't read the information that was presented to her, that's her fault. Remember, she said if SHE had any issues, she'd contact you." They had one of these meetings last month, and FDH let her know because she didn't read the schools handouts. She got pissed because I went. She texted my FDH saying, "What was she going to show up and pretend like she's their parent?!" I said, "There is not one teacher at that school who doesn't know me. NONE of them would be surprised if I showed up and she didn't." In fact, when we got to the meeting, the teachers handed me the clipboard to sign in, not my FDH, not the BM... me.

I have read multiple times on here over and over about people feeling like they have taken on all this work as a step parent and don't or aren't allowed to be loved like a mom. Yet, it's expected of me to love and care for these kids. Sometimes I feel really resentful towards the kids, just because of the BM. I KNOW it's not their fault, but when they're chirping about "mommy this mommy that" and making her gifts and boasting about her, then comparing her to me, there's that snarky part of my brain that is like, "yeah well, your mom didn't pick you up the last 3 of her days, because she found things she considered more important. The 2 times she did pick you up, she dropped you off at someone elses house. So, if you're not happy you have to deal with me, you should be mad at her for leaving you with me." I'm feeling the guilt now in this rant. I never planned on being a mom. My FDH has supported everything I do and we make a good team, alone and with the kids. But, I just have a hard time ignoring the BM as I have to deal with her semi-frequently, and I can't even communicate basic information with her, such as the health of her kids, because she wants to be a self-centered B*tch.

It blows my mind how familiar people are with the term Deadbeat Dad, when there seems to be just as many Deadbeat Mothers.