BD refuses to help pay car insurance
Forums:
BioDad refuses to help pay the car insurance for he's two teenage sons claiming that BioMom (DW) did not consult him before making any decisions about a car, driving, etc.
Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Unless there is a court order
Unless there is a court order stating he has to, you are out of luck. Why would he pay for something that he had no input in?
Why should he? If it is not
Why should he? If it is not in the CO then he can do what he wants. If he wasn't consulted on car purchases or insurance policy, why would he. Also, how are their grades and responsibility levels? Do they have jobs to pay maintenance and gas?
He is well within his right to pay nothing....No one can be forced to pay for anything that is not in the CO.
No judge will force a dad to
No judge will force a dad to pay for that. It is not a neccessity and most kids have part time jobs to pay for these things...Taking it to court will cost more than the insurance.
Well of course. So you are
Well of course. So you are good with PAS, then? I am so not surprised.
I don't really find her
I don't really find her statement offensive or PAS at all. The kids are old enough to know that these things are NOT required of either parent.. That is all she was saying. If the BM chooses to acquire said insurance then so be it.
Since she is getting the car or acquiring insurance for the kids, does she need to share that with the exDH? No i think not, it is her dime, plus gas etc. Many parents, especially when divorced, look forward to the time when they no longer have to trot kids around, go pick them up etc.. No different then if a skid bought their own car, payed for their own insurance, etc.. it is their call whether they want to spend the money to go visit..
I do highly recommend that the the kids should be pitching in on expenses.. I dislike when they get a "free" ride just because it makes life easier.
No, she said that the father
No, she said that the father wasn't responsible. Then she said she would make sure that the kids knew that he wouldn't pay and that they could not take the car over there. So what would be the point of letting the kids know their dad wasn't paying for half??? What purpose does that serve? Other than to imply that dad is a deadbeat who won't help them out.
Who thinks that is ok? I NEVER told my kids that their dad wouldn't pay for something. If it was something that wasn't court ordered for him to pay, then I paid it myself and had done with it.
That is EXACTLY the kind of
That is EXACTLY the kind of crap that our BM does! My FH pay $6k a month - yes $6k! - in combined child support and spousal support yet she still has the skids constantly saying that they need FH to pay for something because "mom can't afford it." She has them genuinely convinced that they are one step away from having to apply for welfare and food stamps! They seriously believe that FH is a deadbeat dad who pays for nothing and to convince them that he is not he pays for everything their greedy little hearts desire. But does that do anything? Oh HELL no! BM keeps telling them that she is about to apply for welfare because dad hates her and gives her no money and they believe her.
I would be better with this if they were small but they are 13, 14 and 16. FH has told them (finally!) how much he pays and that it is court ordered and that he DOES pay it. However,they believe BM over him. They have even said that whatever he is paying is not enough and that he should "give mom whatever she wants." These are teenagers - they should know what $6k a month is! But they are loyal to mom to a fault and nothing she ever says could possibly be a lie.....
Sorry to "blog hog" - vent over!!!!!
I didn't take her statements
I didn't take her statements that way.. different perceptions, I reckon.
I do know if I was not consulted on this issue, I wouldn't pay and I have refused to pay insurance costs because I was totally against one of my BD's getting her license.. because she was flunking out of school - well exH wanted to do it, so he added her to his insurance and paid all expenses relative to the 10,000 car he bought her. My daughter knows to this day I was totally against her obtaining her driver's license and I did not pay any expenses towards it. She still loves me
In my state child support is for Food, Clothing and Shelter.. everything else is an extra and is not calculated into child support.
Give the 13, 14 1nd 16 year old time, kids are smart and can draw their own conclusions on situations.. You think they choose to believe her sputtering nonsense, perhaps it is just easier for them to believe her at this juncture. Seeing she receives $6k in child support she should be asking for nothing extra and she needs to live within her means...
I know you said legally he
I know you said legally he wasn't responsible, so I am not sure what you mean here? It was another poster who assigned the noble intentions to you, not me.
Dad not paying for car insurance that is not court ordered, whether he is a doctor, the King of England, or a bricklayer, doesn't make him any kind of deadbeat at all. So why would you even tell the kids, then?
Frankly, making a concerted effort like you were posting of letting the kids know about it is abhorrent to me, but hey, I'm not that kind of a parent. If you are, well thats on you.
You said that you would tell
You said that you would tell the kids that dad did not pay and not let them take the car to his house. How is that NOT communicating to them that he is somehow in the wrong?
You are right, Ripley. I
You are right, Ripley. I really want to give everyone on this site the benefit of the doubt - I have gotten sooooo much valuable imput from so many people! But I am now utterly convinced that she is either a BM or a troll or both. Either way, I need to stop responding. Thanks!
So tell them they can't take
So tell them they can't take it to dad's. Once again, where does telling them he isn't paying for half of the insurance come in? Where is your justification for that?
And you would forbid them
And you would forbid them from using it to see their father????? That is some serious PAS right there.
So? Let them know they have
So? Let them know they have insurance and can drive their cars. AGAIN, why would you tell them their dad didn't pay for half?
And wrong on your assumption. I am a BM, SM, SD-I have all the bases covered. You, however, stayed true to form on your agenda to try and make SM's and BD's look like crappy parents who suck for not bending over and taking it up the wazoo from the BM or SK's. Sorry, sweetie. I think we all have your number.
Another misinterpretation of
Another misinterpretation of a "gift."
Would you give your brother/sister a toaster for a gift and then tell them that they are only allowed to use whole wheat bread to toast in it??
I mean, YOU gave the gift, so YOU should be able to choose what they do with it....right? Only by YOUR twisted logic.
I know one thing...I wouldn't
I know one thing...I wouldn't want any gifts from that household. There are wayyyyyy too many strings attached. Geez, it would be hard to keep up with all of the rules.
BM in our case refused. DH
BM in our case refused. DH "thought" the verbal agreement was that he would buy the car for SD, and BM would pay for the insurance. DH bought the car, and then BM said no. SD couldn't afford her own insurance even with her summer job, so DH paid for the insurance for the first year and a half. Then BM took DH to court for more money (SD is now in college at this point!) and while CS went down, college tuition went up, so DH signed the car over to SD and said it's up to her and her mom to figure out the insurance and maintenance. It's been two years now, and BM has had to pay for everything.
No parent should have to pay
No parent should have to pay for anything outside of basics unless THEY agreed to the purchase/payment PRIOR to it being made. Would it be OK for your wife to go and buy a Mercedes and then just "expect" you to pay it because you are her husband? Even if you didn't agree to pay for it? Even if you can't afford it? No...then the same applies.
Amen!
Amen!
I second that!!!!!!
I second that!!!!!!
DH is refusing to pay for
DH is refusing to pay for ANYTHING that BM asks for outside of CS. (He has never been ONE DAY LATE on CS)
Regarding cell phones and car insurance, DH refuses on the grounds that he is not allowed to have any input on SD16's behavior using these things. (car and phone) We're willing to help SD16 get a car for her senior year of high school (she's a sophomore now) IF she saves up enough to pay for insurance through May 2014, AND she doesn't get into boy trouble, especially involving mental hospitals and the police. (oh yes, this has happened already) Or drugs. And keeps her grades half-way decent; As and Bs, with maybe a C if she's making sincere effort, to include tutoring, in her hard subjects.
Car insurance is expensive, and the teenager is going to have to pay it on his own eventually - that's what a job is for.
Wow! It seems like many have
Wow! It seems like many have such spare time on this holiday!! Haha
Thanks so much for the honesty and advice...alot of it makes perfect sense, and some of it was just plain entertaining!
Sounds like DW is SOL!!
Thanks again.
Stepguy, Hey, I am glad you
Stepguy,
Hey, I am glad you were entertained! We aim to please! LOL
My DH and I went through this
My DH and I went through this last year - when SS lived with us full time BM paid next to nothing actually nothing for the first 18 months but when SS went back to live with her because we said we wanted to go to court to get what we deserve she took him back.
She then decided that we had to pay for car and car insurance - as said above driving is a privilege not a right. She claims that it was for him to get a job - all that he got was into a car accident and totaled the car and then she went out and bought him an even more expensive car (we have since found out she is dating a multi-millionaire who is paying all of her bills so she is able to take our CS and buy a car for SS and give him a lot of spending money - God help her in July if her Ritchie Rich boyfriend breaks up with her because we are done paying CS in June.
What pissed us off was she got that car for him so that she did not have to be around and he could drive himself where ever he wanted to go and he has only filled out one application 18 months ago and has not even tried to get a job.
Here is one step further - She wants us to co-sign student loans for over $160,000 for the next 4 years of college but does not let my DH have even a little say in the matter - so why should the bio-dads have to pay if they are never consulted on any of the purchases or where the child goes to school but the BM's just expect us to lie down and put ourselves in massive debt when she is not even willing to do that to herself - seems our BM is more entitled than my lazy SS. SOrry to hijack your post but this gets me really pissed off when BM's make all the decisions and expect us to pay for them.