I've had enough!
Hi there. This is my first time posting. Just looking for a little relief from what I am going through. I've been married 5 years. I love my husband. It seemed we found the kind of person each one of us wants to be with forever. A few months after we started dating his EX filed a false child abuse report against me with CYS. It was of course found "unfounded" on not on my record. Ever since then it has been othing but trough and she has poisoned his kids against me and my children. His children are now 13 and 7. Mine are 12 and 10. When they come on the weekends it is nothing but stress. The EX wants him back and I believe is committed to destroying our marriage. His kids only want him around so that he can go back to their mother. The stopped coming on the weekends for a while when we realized they didn't even want to be there. In November they came over for "another chance." Well, two days after they went home from what I thought was an ok weekend, we find out the daughter is once again spreading rumors that I abused her and my kids abused her. All lies again of course. We confronted her that very evening and of course she could give no reasons or show no bruises that she told everyone she had. We haven't seen them since then. Now all the sudden they are coming down this weekend. I have no desire to even look at her especially after telling all the lies about me and my children. I wish I could not even be home. And my kids don't want them there either. I am so torn about this I have no idea what to do. I have scheduled an appointment with a counselor to help me deal with my feeling toward them. They and their mother have given us nothing but grief for 5 years. When they aren't around, we are a very happy family. When they are the trouble starts. Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Can you just leave, with your
Can you just leave, with your kids every weekend and go somewhere? A pain in the butt, I know, but probably less of a pain in the butt than being accused of child abuse!
He actually offered to go
He actually offered to go stay at his mother's on the weekends with his kids and I said "no" because I thought we are married and should be together. We also have a 1 year old together. We both work all week and our weekends are the only time that we get to spend an entire day together. BUT, with his kids there, it won't even be like we are together because it is like walking on eggshells in my own house. I'm now thinking him going to his mothers is a good idea and now he doesn't want to do that he wants us all to try again. Problem is, we keep trying again and they keep hurting us! We have tried to lay down the law, they and the BM keep just trying to come between us. The weekend visits did stop until this past weekend when SD12 was in a very minor car accident with her mother and my mother in law made her call her dad and let him know she was ok which we already knew. That's when the EX told her to ask if they could come down this weekend. It wasn't even her idea. She was forced to call him and forced to ask him to come visit. I know in my heart things haven't changed. She told us to our face in November that she didn't want to come down anymore. And she and the BM have both called me the most hateful person they know to take their dad away from them. You don't go from hating somebody to wanting to spend the weekend at their house just like that!
Someone needs to give up the
Someone needs to give up the fairy tale fantasy of one big happy family and deal with the reality of hatred and false child abuse allegations.
I agree with you; we will
I agree with you; we will never be that big happy family. He keeps telling me that since our marriage is starting to suffer from all of this we are giving them exactly what they want. Well, I just can't keep doing this over and over again so some choices need to be made. He pretty much raises my two children as their father because their father isn't a father at all to them. And he keeps saying, what if your kids were doing this to us...would you give up on them like you want me to do? I don't have an answer for that one??????
Lol. My husband used that
Lol. My husband used that line on me a few times...I just told him no, our marriage is starting to suffer because he procreated with CRAZY and has two kids who now act like CRAZY.
And it's nothing on me that I want to keep my distance!
Lol. My husband used that
Lol. My husband used that line on me a few times...I just told him no, our marriage is starting to suffer because he procreated with CRAZY and has two kids who now act like CRAZY.
And it's nothing on me that I want to keep my distance!
Also, I wouldn't give up on my kids for doing that...but they're my kids! I wouldn't tellmy partner, oh, you need to come along for the ride!
I think after everything it is perfectly reasonable and sane you are not around the kids.
He's not telling me to come
He's not telling me to come along for the ride. He keeps saying he wants me to do what makes me happy. I'm happy with him!! But not with them!! I'm sure that is all too familiar around here though! LOL
I'm just at a loss at how to
I'm just at a loss at how to handle it all. When you work all week and DON'T look forward to the weekend, that's pretty bad.
I would have you and your
I would have you and your husband read "The Smart-Stepfamily" by Ron Deal. It helps to show the two sides each perspective and it takes a "slow cooker" approach to blended family life. It's ok if you do stuff with your kids and he does stuff with his kids and it's ok for you to do things separately for as long as it takes.
Also your skids are being PASd in the extreme. I would read "Divorce Poison" by David Warshak it talks about PAS and talks about how to combat it.
It's important for everybody in the family to get their needs met so try to come up with creative ideas with your DH that will work for your family.
My SDs were PASed by thier mom and they needed counseling to handle it. If you don't see the skids very often then it will be hard to use this approach.
From what I've read on this post it's completely appropriate for you to separate while they are there. Is your DH punishing his DD for the lies she told? This is VERY important that he discipline his children for bad behavior and disrespect.
I feel my advice is all over the place, but I hope you can take something helpful away.
Also, use this site to VENT AWAY! You have to be able to do that so you don't do it to your family members!
I will look for those books
I will look for those books thank you.
And no, she was not disciplined for her lies. Everybody in his family says "oh she must be having a tough time to make up these lies." Who cares how it hurts me and my kids. And he says he can't discipline because they are only there on the weekends and do what they want at the mother's anyway.
he says he can't discipline
he says he can't discipline :jawdrop:
that is completely wrong!
he is encouraging and perpetuating this behavior by disengaging, he, in fact, is the only one who can actually do anything for his child that will help her grow!
i would get that man into counseling, he has to step up his parenting skills.
so if she killed someone would they not expect some sort of punishment? oh...sure, but then the disciplinarian would be the government and they wouldn't have to get their hands dirty!
he isn't doing her any favors!
i would be looking into parenting classes and forcing him to go!
is he willing to work on this with you? is he willing to step up for you and for his daughter?
i'm sorry you have to go through this. when my DH were dating he lacked parenting skills, mainly because he felt bad for the kids and all they were going through. but i knew i could never live like that if it continued. thank God he listened to me and stepped it up!
if he is unwilling to change and work with you i suggest the book, "the dance of anger" by harriet lerner.
i wish you the best and i really hope he opens his eyes.
Take him up on his offer to
Take him up on his offer to go to his mom's . I would not risk losing MY kids for anything, and if liar liar SD keeps accusing you something might stick. It's too toxic for you to be around. IMHO you don't need counseling, you need to stay away from the poisonous skids!
If he's willing to spend time
If he's willing to spend time with at his mom's, don' stop him. You need to protect you and your kids. He needs to spend time with his kids.
How often are the kids suppose to visit?
We have told them those very
We have told them those very things over and over. It makes no difference. They act the same. So they were supposed to come down from Friday to Sunday. They didn't even last 24 hours. They started their moping around and "not feeling good" shortly after they got there. And finally my husband took them home Saturday afternoon because they didn't want to be there. I feel horrible for my feelings toward them because I was happy when they left. I didn't say two words to them from Friday to Saturday, except hello when I walked into MY house. And another thing that pushes me over the edge is they are not clean people. So as soon as I got home from work, they were already there, my house stunk because they don't bathe. His daughter shares a room with my daughter; my daughter should not have to have a room that stinks! And my daughter was the smart one...she went to her friends for the weekend so she didn't have to deal with them!
When they are at our house,
When they are at our house, we make them bathe and such. In fact, as soon as I got home from work I made them both get showers. But, the damage was done. The house stunk and their clothes and shoes etc all stink. It's their mother who doesn't make them bathe so when they get to our house, it's disgusting.
Oh goodness. Ive been dating
Oh goodness. Ive been dating my BF for about 8 monhts now, and ive already seen that she is committed to destroying our relationship. They have 2 children together ages 4 and 7. When she found out he was dating me, she tried the same stunt; when he spakned his child for being rude in day care, she took out child abuse charges and a 50b domestic violence charge. The kids have been taken away since Dec, he only sees them on sundays. I use to get along ok with them, buts it really awkward now bc we never see them, and i dnt want to be at the house, so I left with the puppy this past sunday. I recently had a misscarriage due to the stress she has caused, and have been thinking about leaaving. It seems to be too much stress inlovling baby mammas.
We never spanked them,
We never spanked them, nothing. They just made the whole thing up. And tried it again in November of last year. And that time she included saying my kids were kicking her in the stomach. Just is all playing a huge toll on me!