WOW.. the BS with Skids really never ends does it?
Well.. now we are having bedtime issues.. I mean, really.. is there any area where these kids just roll with the rules of the house...??
Lately SS's 10 & 13 have a new trick up their sleeves.. this one makes me want to puke..
In our house it's upstairs at 8:45, brush your teeth and put your Pj's on.. then lights out at 9:00 (if not, they are horrible to wake in the morning).. It has been the rule all school year.
Well, SS's now think that 8:45 is go lay on your dad while he watches Fox news and pretend to be sooooooo interested in politics so that he will not pay attention to the time and make you go upstairs.. and it's working. I noticed this about 3 weeks ago and let it slide for a while thinking DH will grow a brain and figure out their latest manipulation.. nope.
So.. about a week ago I walk downstairs at 8:50 and say "it's up to bed now".. DH says "wait.. we're talking".. SS10 glares at me.. I'm like ok and walk away. 10 minutes later I'm like "ok, it's 9:00.. up to bed"..
Now bear in mind 2 things.. my daughter who is 9 goes to bed at 8:30 and I would like to have her asleep by 9:00.. These skids are so fricking loud and inconsiderate that if they don't stick to the schedule it keeps her up. They can't simply walk upstairs, brush their teeth and go to bed without yelling at each other or slamming drawers or cabinets.
Issue number 2.. I wake up at 5:30.. I want to be in bed and have some downtime before I go to sleep.. if the skids drag their bedtimes out to 9:15/9:30 then it also sets me back.. plus if DH wants some quality time with me he just won't get it the later the night gets (if you get my point)..
So anyways.. I push the 8:45 bedtime issue and DH gets pissy with me stating that "if his boys want to talk, then he will talk to them".. what he doesn't get is that I am not asking him to deny them time talking to him.. I am simply saying that he should enforce the rules and if they want to talk it needs to be prior to the time they are supposed to be in bed. He doesn't get it. He doesn't see that this is a manipulation tactic by them because they don't like the bedtime (they have openly bitched about it numerous times).
These kids are completely disrespectful to any rules and blatantly defy anything I tell them to do. This is just the latest in a long list of crap they pull and quite frankly I am about ready to snap.
So.. last night I was totally wiped out and 8:45 and at 8:50 I walk downstairs to see SS's all nuzzled up to daddykins.. ok, let me stop there.. they are NOT affectionate, nor do they show any type of love or respect for their father except at 8:45 at night.. their normal demeanor is disrespectful and flat out unappreciative... anyways.. instead of saying anything about "bedtime" I ever so sweetly sit on the couch next to DH and say "hi" to everyone. SS10 glares at me, looks up at DH and asks him a question about the weekend.. (it's fricking MONDAY night!!) and then proceeds to practically crawl into DH's armpit. DH says, "ok, kids, it's bedtime.." only to be completely ignored and SS10 glares at me again.. ok, at this point I'm thinking "game on..." I just chill there and say nothing while SS10 tries again to restart the conversation about basketball.. DH again says "it's bedtime".. it's now 9:00.. SS10 glares at me again and just lays there on DH.. finally DH pushes SS10 off of him and says "up to bed".. They stomp up the stairs and are calling their dog to come sleep with them, yelling at each other and whistling.. yes, fricking whistling - after I told them to keep it down because my daughter was already in bed!! Then they are opening and closing drawers in the bathroom and slamming them.. the damn toothpaste is on the counter and so is the toothpaste!!
On one hand I am happy DH finally made them go to bed.. however.. I am not too happy it wasn't until 15 minutes past the time "we" set for them. If this was a random thing I would be ok with it.. however, it isn't.. it happens all the time and the outcome isn't always DH doing what's right. Usually we end up fighting and the Skids win and get to stay up.
Sooo frustrated
Sounds like he didn't realize
Sounds like he didn't realize what they are doing, until you came and sat next to them. This is what I would do from now on! Adjust your schedule so that you are on the couch next to him before they make their move. Beat them to the punch.
Actually, I wouldn't do
Actually, I wouldn't do anything at all. Go ahead and go to bed. Then when he tries to be "intimate" with you, just explain to him that he should've told the kids to go to bed earlier. This will definitely work...he'll be putting their asses to bed at 7pm...LOL.
Tried that.. He gets pissed
Tried that.. He gets pissed and says "you can't be that tired... Its only a 30 minute difference"....
Whatever dude... Go cuddle up to your little manipulators.
why does ss glare at you when
why does ss glare at you when dad tells him it's bedtime? oh yeah, because anything the bioparent says or does that the skid doens't like is somehow the stepparent's fault. apparently you can control what comes out of dh's mouth, so clearly you are to blame if dh tells ss it's bedtime. i just love that. i got blamed for anything fdh did that sd didn't like, too.
Of course it's because I'm
Of course it's because I'm the stepmom... He hates anything I say or do unless it benefits his self serving ass... I wish I could video tape his glares and show his dad how he snarls at me. I absolutely hate it and want to slap the look right off his face... But I can't.. He's so the type that would call child protective services on me... I just love this crap. Really..
Smile @ him when he snarls @
Smile @ him when he snarls @ you. Totally disarm him. That 10 yo brat will be like "wtf is she smiling at me for?". Promise you he will be freaked out. Lol.
yup, especially if you don't
yup, especially if you don't let the smile reach your eyes. just a cold mean smirk...
Hmm not sure you should hear
Hmm not sure you should hear my advice..but that too would be game on for me! The problem lies with your husband for these behaviors. lm sorry to say this, your husband accepts these behaviors and may or may not see the problems that this is creating. Have you tried talking to him about this & when that fails, giving him the third degree treatment? You may need to break this bad dad bone before it breaks you. Be strong, stubborn, & allow them all to bring it on
Here is my advice for its what i would do if i were you but its immature... l would clean up the toothpaste mess with DH pillow! Come bedtime, find the fuse box & kill all the power! At least til all the little butts are in bed. Oh and for waking up crabby kids, i have found that a whistle works wonders. lm the sweetest wife/step mom until they cross me. You have a legit point when it comes to rules & yes they should be followed so don't let any man or step kids step on your toes without you putting your foot down. Ive as a step mom been through what u are dealing with but had to put my foot down before being able to get anywhere with my new family. lf all else fails, lets swap step kids & make wrong right 
lol everyone that knows me, say i should be a drill Sargent. Please keep us posted & i would like to hear more from you. Thanks & good luck!
We have fought tooth and nail
We have fought tooth and nail about this many times.. DH claims that I'm jealous most of the time and that's totally not the case. What kind of a sick person is jealous of a dad having a relationship with his kids?!?!? Total nonsense!
He will say this rubbish right in front of them too! "you need to stop being jealous or I'm gonna get mad.". Really? Well, you need to stop being manipulated because I'm already mad. Seriously..
My DH thinks I'm jealous when
My DH thinks I'm jealous when I have told him that his daughter should not be still wanting to sleep with us and that it is not appropriate for an almost 12 year old girl to lay her head or waller around on his crotch or kiss him on the lips and tell him "I love you Daddy" 10-15 times in an hour when she is in one of her touchy feely manipulation modes.
This is the DH of Starla. I
This is the DH of Starla. I have to tell you that your DH is being manipulated and if he doesn't get his heads out of his you know what, you both are going to be paying for it. Boys that think they can pull one over on Dad will just keep pushing. He needs to understand that he is rewarding them for breaking the rules and that will affect their behavior patterns with everyone else that they interact with.
His reaction to your reminding them it is bed time is a defensive one brought on probably by the fact that his sons are so detached from him. My own experiences with this have taught me that a man has to gain the child's respect through consistency. If he lets them stay up one day and then enforces the rules the next it only encourages them to test their limits.
My wife is the person who brought to my attention my own inconsistency when dealing with my children and has made all of the difference in the world.
I wish you the best of luck.
In my case my DH doesn't want
In my case my DH doesn't want to make Sd11 mad because he thinks she'll want to go live with her mother so he lets her do anything at any cost...my story summed up...he is in complete denial of reality.
I have two choices...stay out
I have two choices...stay out of it or try to cause change and get a divorce...sadly that is the way it rolls in my situation.
A family needs structure such as the husband and wife being the foundation of the family and the children being the extensions that grow from the nurturing and guidance of the husband and wife. Husband and wife are the coaches and the kids are the players. In our home, SD controls husband...husband is manipulated into thinking that SD will leave him if he isn't her puppet...wife is alienated by both husband and SD...no one has any structure or role in the home..just chaos and stress. Kinda like a little league team that has no coaches or a workplace with no supervision.
Until there can be change, there must be recognition of a need to change.