Honestly, you are lucky that your future husband has been so honest with you versus surprising you when you're married of all these fun facts. I understand your frustration, but your future husband did not choose to have a child that you had.. He chose to be your partner, but rightfully so he should in no way support a step child. That is your step child's father's responsibility to provide a certain lifestyle for your child. Due to it being stressful, you dropped the case, if you wanted to push the fact that your child go to a private school you should have went through with the case.. Although stressful, it would have benefited your child.
The whole assets going to nieces is weird to me. No assets should be going to your child from him, and I'm assuming future husband is scared to make you beneficiary because he assumes it would go to your child. Once the both of you have children, I would hope he would make your joint children a beneficiary, with a neutral party, such as a lawyer, to ensure that assets are going to the right people. By making your joint children beneficiaries, you will benefit as well. But no, he should not support YOUR child. That is your ex's responsibility, and yours.. NOT your future husbands! Sorry this is harsh.. Good luck though!!!!!!!!

Sorry, but I agree with him 100%. Your child has a father. If he's not as wealthy, that was your choice to make a child with that man vs. your possible future husband. His money should benefit his child and as he states, his nieces if he has no child. I really have to agree.

Believe me I understand that it will be hard to see kids with different "lifestyles" to a certain extent when they are both yours. Well, then, maybe you should work and make up the difference to one of your children...that's up to you...but it should not be up to him to make up the difference. I know in our case, my husband pays CS and ALL kids that his ex wife have have the "same lifestyle" thanks to HIS money, as her mother and stepfather make peanuts. Meanwhile, our son lives a much more modest lifestyle because of it...not fair at all since BOTH kids are actually my DH's and I make much more than crazy witch. Really. But it is what it is. I think again, if you find it unfair to have to kids with two different lifestyles, then you need to make up the difference yourself.

It's good that he is talking to you about all of this before you get married.

He does not owe anything to your kids, but he should be arranging for you to be financially secure upon his demise. If you are living in a home that is beyond your ability to pay for without him, it could leave you in a very bad position if he dies and leaves you nothing.

My SO is not married, but chances are, if we get married, we will be living in a home that is more than I could afford on my own. And,chances are, he will die before I do... so if I am at all dependent on his income, it will leave me in a very bad position if he has his daughter as the only beneficiary. Before I marry him, we will discuss his will and his beneficiaries. He has a right to make only his daughter beneficiary, but if that's what he chooses, I will get a life insurance policy on him with me as the sole beneficiary.

I don't know if I will marry him if he doesn't trust me enough to take care of me in the event of his death, and if he would be fine with leaving me struggling in order to have his daughter get all of whatever inheritance exists. I think part of what a person is committing to in marriage is trust, provision and protection in addition to love, loyalty, and respect.

Money is an ugly topic - especially when you come with baggage from the past. I know in my case I won't pay for my SO's kids the same way I pay for mine. They have two parents and those two parents should be figuring that out. I would be irate if he told me that I needed to spend as much on his kids as I spend on mine.

I think the fact that if you two don't have kids and he wants to leave everything to his neices and nephews without taking care of you is a bit assinine. I told my SO that once our kids were grown, he'd be my first beneficiary with provisions for my son, then his children and my neices and nephews. In that order.

The punishing aspect of what he says is ass. That's just crap. I agree with Blue Bell on how that was worded.

Just out of curioustiy - if your husband to be from a foreign country? The way you make the things he says sounds very much like some of the men I work with from other countries. It's a very differnt culture and kids by other men are absolutely an affront to them.

I agree with everyone else--your current partner has no obligation to financially support for your child, unless he adopts him as his own. Your child has a father that provides for him financially, meaning there are two parents involved. Whether or not they are wealthy is a moot point. I also applaud your partner for laying out his expectations of this relationship, and quite frankly, he has shown that he is very mature and has thought this through. Now it is up to you whether you're willing to accept this or not. His standard and expectations are very healthy, actually, and will make for a great marriage/relationship.

I am on the flip side of this--I am far more wealthy than my FDH (future dear husband), with a lot more assets. Our children (if we have them) will inherit everything of mine, SS will not. He will inherit whatever FDH decides to give him and whatever his mother decides to give him. If I end up having a really good relationship with him and we BECOME family, perhaps I will leave him some, but it is solely at my discretion. FDH agrees one hundred percent, as he would not want any of my income generating assets to go to SS which will, incidentally, go to BM if he takes care of his mother in her old age or even now.

Even if we didn't have children, my assets will go to my sister and any children she may have. I am not responsible for his tuition no matter what school he goes to either, nor his extracurriculars, or any of his other needs. Once again, he HAS two financially supporting parents, as everyone is allotted in life. My children also have two parents, me and FDH, and because I am wealthy, they will get more in life.

Your daughter has a father to take care of her. Even if her dad were MIA, your CP still wouldn't have to support her.

I do very little $$$ wise to help DF with his kids. His kids will not get anything from me when I die. If DF and I are married, a small amount will go to him. However, the lion's share will go to DS and my 4 nieces and nephews.

He did the right thing by telling you this prior to the wedding. It's up to you to decide if you can accept that or not.

I have to agree with the others. You chose to have a child with one man based on a lower wealth factor and if you choose to have a child with another man with a higher wealth factor, well then you are choosing to have two children with different lifestyles. Its a life lesson. My dh makes more money than I do, but I make way more money than his ex. His daughter does not benefit from my income, which mean in our home, my son gets more because he has a mother who works. SD gets plenty of my dh's money both here and at her mother's house, but my money is for my child.

My dh and I just had this conversation a few weeks ago regarding monthly amounts for 529 contributions. OUR child gets more. Why? He benefits from both our incomes. SD benefits from only his income.

I think its wrong of him not to provide some benefits to you in the event he dies, but that is (again) a choice. He gets to make it. You can either accept it or don't marry him. I have to be honest, I have assets that are mine. They were mine before dh and I married (he earns more, but I was a saver and his ex was a spender so I came into the marriage with more assets), they will be left to my son, not to dh, and not to SD. As for our "split" assets, I'd like them to be split 60/40 with 60 going to our child. DH makes more (which is why it isn't 75 / 25, but I contribute and I think 50/50 is unfair for that reason.

Noone is financially responsible for your child except you. She will already benefit from your dh's wealth. She will inevitably live in a nicer house, go on nicer vacations, experience nicer things just by association. He's just makinga clear line.

The problem with this is, as I understand it OP, that in the event you do not have a child, he is not leaving ANY survivor funds to you so that your child will not benefit from them? Is that correct?

If so, that is WRONG WRONG WRONG. You are his partner, he is willing to have a CHILD with you, but doesn't want to leave you a dime and will leave it to he nieces just so your kid doesn't get to reap a few benefits from mom being left money by her deceased husband????????

I would have cancelled the wedding too.

From what I understand of your post, your CP does not want to financially support or allow access to any of his assets to your child you had with you Ex.

This is not unreasonable to me. He isn't responsible for that child and he doesn't owe that child anything. My SO's skids aren't entitled to anything of mine. Why would they be? They have a mom and a dad who should provide for them. Just because I am with their dad, doesn't mean they become my financial responsibility. It sounds like your CP will be supportive emotionally and on a daily basis, but his assets will go to HIS child/children.

This is the same way I have it set up with my SO. Could you explain why you feel it should be different? I am with your CP on this one.

In addition, there is no reason he HAS to leave you money if he dies and you have no child. You have supported yourself thus far without him and many women are left with nothing who have never been divorced and had lots of children with their husband. He obviously comes from family money as well as what he has earned. Family money is always protected. Sorry. My SO makes 3 times what I do, I am not on ANYTHING of his. if he dies I'm on my own. This is how I live anyway. I can do me, I don't need or want anyone's money after they die. If they leave it to me fine, but its not a condition of the relationship.

"My problem is that I cannot accept both of my children being raised together under the same roof will effectively be unequal."

Thats YOUR problem. Not his. You made choices and these are the consequences. Don't expect others to have to be responsible for your choices too.

I think it's smart that you canceled the wedding. Whoo-boy.

OP, this all boils down to what you want your marriage to be. Leaving everything to his nieces is bad enough, but ok-specifying that he is doing it just to keep your kid from receiving anything from you is nasty work, indeed.

You can see on this post alone how other people run their marriages. Some people think that this is fair, while some don't. Some people look at marriage as a financial transaction, some don't.

I am from the school that when you marry, you share. Marriage vows says in sickness and in health-they don't say-you can take care of me if I get leukemia, but first sign this prenup so if I kick it you can't buy your kid a candy bar.

Marriage is sacrifice, and yes, that also can include money. I would tell him to kiss my ass, and get an apartment or a house that if he died you wouldn't need to ever move or have to be evicted because you can't afford the payments. In fact, if you had a child together, I would still live that way. Tell him you can't be guaranteed that he won't become a deadbeat dad, and you would be more comfortable being able to handle things on your own.

He should make sure you are taken care of regardless of you bearing a child of his making.

I suspect he's thinking "If I leave anything to her then her daughter will eventually inherit". So if we're talking big bucks here and he's thinking that way he could create a trust which would pay all your living expenses but no frills. Suitable housing, utilities, clothing and food but no vacation trips etc.

Just a flat rate amount large enough for you to purchase whats needed. In the style he's living now.

And now that you've mentioned he is of middle eastern descent and he's obviously in full control of his finances I'd be leary of his controlling nature. Is there a previous wife in this? Talk to her. Obviously I don't know this guy but some of them can get pretty nasty when the woman doesn't comply like a Afghanny woman would. Be careful.

Well I am sorry but if he is so rich I don't see why he couldn't help your daughter go to the same level school as a child that is biologically his.

He is totally punishing your daughter for having her own dad in her life, and you for allowing it.???? which is just sick.

That would not go over well with me. Also he had better leave his damn money to you and not your child??

I would have serious doubts about marrying this man, he sounds like a paranoid ass-!!!

Is he wealthy enough to send your bio to private school without it even making a dent in his standard of living?

I agree it is good to be honest and up front but I think he has gone to far. There is a nasty tone to him leaving you or your current bio NOTHING unless you produce a child. Sounds like a control freak.

Wait. So because he has money, he SHOULD give more? What?

Um, I am on his end in this--the OURS child between me and FDH will be going to private (my requirement) school, which I and FDH will pay for. If FDH and BM want SS to go to private school, THEY can pay for it as THEY are the parents. I and my parents will be paying for the majority of it, because it won't make a dent in our income like it would for FDH. Does this mean we should give money for SS to go to private school as well to equal it out?

Seriously, what is this?

Not my child, NOT my problem or financial obligation. IF SS didn't have a mom and I was legally adopting him, then hell yes I would give, but he does and I am not. I'm appalled at some of the entitled reasonings for why the stepfather SHOULD give money for a child that's not his, especially since the father is still involved. If he wanted to, great, if he didn't, it is NOT his responsibility.

Wait a minute, you cannot handle a few weeks/months stress to get your perceived obligations for your daughter from your ex husband, but you were/are considering a lifetime of a dual standard with two children and corresponding fathers? Seems like odd logic.....

End it with this guy. If he comes back, you get a pre-nup stating he will treat both children equally when it comes to spending, school, vacations, etc..... Inheritance is ok for differences, I agree with that opinion, but ultimately, you get 50% when he dies anyway.

And how old are you guys?? What is his fascination with death??

I agree with the other comments, its good you found out now before you get married.

END IT NOW!

I am confused. Does everyone who has commented saying they would not help pay for their SK pay everything completely separate from their spouse? My boyfriend and I have a joint banking account, home together, cars etc. Our finances are not independent of each other. We could not afford the home, cars, etc we have on our own. So how do you guys do it? (I am curious because I do not want to pay any part of my boyfriend's child support obligations, however, either way it impacts me financially).