caught between no choices and on choices...ugh!!
I am a stepmother of three boys (ages 20, 17 and 12)who we NEVER SEE unless they have to come over (court appointed) nor do they call unless, they need money. My husband calls them and talks with them and we tell them to come over whenever they want but they never do. Now, my oldest stepson attends University of Tampa and middle stepson is getting ready to look at colleges. We pay a parental portion for college per semester(which we don't have to, not court ordered...and it's only 1000.00) for oldest stepson and I'm sure husband will want to with upcoming stepson. But, this is my issue. I DON'T WANT TO PAY ANYTHING... why should we pay anything when they can't even come to visit or call. I know this sounds awful but I'm sick of being just a bank. I talk with my husband about it but he's so worried about his son getting mad at him and ex-wife giving him crap.
I can feel myself getting resentful and angry at situation which is affecting my relationship with husband. I try to talk with him but he won't listen and his way is his way...
Help!! Am I being a bitch?? I need some comments...what would you do?
Honestly? Separate your
Honestly?
Separate your finances.
Then figure up the bills: Hubby pays a % based off his income, you pay a % based off your income.
Your DH must pay his portion of the bills: no exceptions. If after he pays his portion of your household bills, he still has enough $ left to pay for HIS KIDS, then he can.
Using this method means none, zero, zilch, nada dang dime of your hard earned money goes towards the ungrateful brats.
And when hubby does not have the cash to go do what he wants to do, because he is playing ATM to the ungrateful brats, perhaps he will re-evaluate what he spends his money on.
There are so many posts on
There are so many posts on here, so many posters who would be grateful and happy their skids never come over, it's unusual to see the opposite complaint.
Stop caring if they come over or not. Many parents are dismayed at how little contact they have with their college students while at the same time forking over copious bucks for that college lifestyle. It's normal.
If DH had always planned to pay for his kids to go to college, and they were raised that way, that's fine. Now if a kid is flunking out, partying all the time and wasting parental money, then IMO the money train should cease immediately. How often a college student calls and visits is not a strong criteria - if a kid is doing well in school and the investment looks to pay off with a degree in sight, cutting off funds because kid does not call or come over seems a little farfetched.
Does DH text or email with his kids? Why do you want them to come over so badly? How long have you been married, do you feel the kids owe you something?
Kid in that age group are
Kid in that age group are very wrapped up in themselves so I wouldn't think too much of it. As they mature they'll probably become more available especially after they have kids of their own. Meanwhile I don't have a problem with Dad kicking in a couple a grand a year.
You can separate your finances as suggested above. My wife and I calculated a years worth of bills one day. Compred income as a percentage. I.e. if mine was 60% of income and hers 40% we then split the responsibility for future bills based on the past years worth. She buys all the groceries - I pay property tax etc.
Repeat as necessary but our split has held for over a decade - everything is going up.
If Dad were asking I'd tell him he should be getting custody around now for the 12 year old as he should have for the others. Start of High School. It takes a mother to raise a boy and a father to raise a man.