If they're not given consequences they aren't going to listen. Not eating right at the dinner table? Ok, you get taken from the table and set in your room for ten minutes. Misbehave again? Ok, your dinner is taken away and you get nothing else to eat that night but plain bread and water. Yelling and screaming by itself usually doesn't do jack.

Discipline doesn't belong to the person that is closest, but you can still do something about it! If I saw SOs kids doing something that needed to be addressed, I would say something to them immediately. I would then go to SO and tell him to deal with it. He does and the skids learn that they can't get away with anything in our house even if it's me that sees it. SO and I have come a very long way in him reacting to when I say they need discipline. There has to be respect between you and your DH so that he takes your concerns seriously.

My SOs kids also eat like hippos. That is the reason I don't cook for them or eat with them anymore. Both of those boys eat waaaaay too fast and also chew with their mouths open and carry on full conversations. SO does try to correct them, but since it's already a formed habit (it's easy to assume this is how they do it their BMs) it's a lot of reminding on SOs part with little improvement. What I would like to see him do, is send whichever kid is the offending kid at the time to a separate room to eat alone when their disgusting eating habits continue. They need to learn to recognize that they are doing it. I haven't mentioned that part to SO because I know he'll think that's too extreme since his kids are only here every second weekend anyway. But if you point it out and make it a bigger deal than they think it is, they are more likely to correct the issue. So far it's not a big deal to have a parent point at their closed mouths... so they don't pay much attention. After SO points at his own closed mouth, the kid chews with his mouth shut until the next bite. Sending a kid away for a meal isn't too harsh and it will get the point across.

Put your foot down and set rules. With them and their dad. You shouldn't be treated like this. I hate to say it, but if nothing changes, even your anxiety meds won't help. Trust me, I've been there.

Did you speak to BF about putting them in camp?

If dad's answer to everything is "I'll just send them home", say ok and pack their stuff.

First, throw all crayons and markers in the trash bin. Hide all pens and pencils. Take their teddy's. If they weren't attached, it wouldn't be effective. I always take the very favorite thing when SD pisses me off.