SS16 with Aspergers? Any advice, please.
OK, so I know I should be sensitive to his condition, but I really want to ring his neck sometimes. I guess I like him 30% of the time. He is "likable", but I'm getting so sick of the talking back, weird noises (i.e. pterodactyl and other dinosaurs) insensitivity to others, clapping, inability to verbally communicate quietly, and other such annoyances.
Does anyone else know about this condition, and what I can do to deal with it, because I just want to tackle him 70% of the time. Do people with this condition really think that they are the center of the universe, and that the world should change just for them?
Example: We were over at a friend's house for a party. At the party was the owner of a local business. SS16 was acting like a total irresponsible terd, and cost him a summer job. The business owner said to him "first impressions are most imprtatne, and you just blew it, kid" His response..."It's not my fault if she doesn't understand me. I'd rather be unemployed"
Any advice would be great.
I have no advice for you
I have no advice for you other than you have a "forever kid" on your hands. I have known a couple of parents who dealt with asspergers. One is a stepdad and your post parrots his feelings.
How long have you been the stepdad? Does the mother treat him like a normal kid? If so, that is part of the problem. These are not normal kids and the mothers tend to ignore that.
I am betting you can find a support group for aspergers family members, I feel for ya!
Please don't feel too bad
Please don't feel too bad that the constant noises drive you nuts. My 11yr old does the same and some days it really is just too much to handle.
Here is the best website you could ever find for people with Asperger's, kids with Asperger's, parents of kids with Asperger's... (by the way, anything related to autism spectrum).
www.wrongplanet.net
There is a forum specifically for parents where you can ask questions...most there actually have Asperger's and can really help you understand the condition, the quirks and how to make it better, deal with it, etc...they are truly an amazing group of people and always willing to help.
As far as the issue with the employer, it is unfortunate, but it does happen. We really have a very different view of the world. While someo might think that the other view, ie. go with the flow, obey always, blah, blah, blah...is correct, our brain works differently and we truly see things in black/white and do NOT tolerate injustices, etc...most people with Asperger's value morals more than the general population...and no, this is not meant as something mean. I promise you odds are that he will NEVER follow the bad kids around, do drugs or any of those other things...so try to think of the positives...I promise you, they are out there.
By the way, there is a book called "Asperger's on the Job" by Rudy Simone...it is a very good book that can help your SS feel understood and at the same time, help the entire family understand how to find jobs, etc. that are a match for his personality.
Good luck! IM me if you have any other questions.
PS - there are PLENTY of ASPIE kids and adults that can hold down jobs, etc...he does NOT have to be a forever kid...I believe that the constant generalizations are part of the problem. I promise you there are more adults with AS than you could ever imagine...the difference is today they are diagnosed. I know plenty who work with me...I am "undiagnosed" but 100% sure that I should have been (PS in 4th grade they put me in special ed, couldn't figure out where to fit me and other issues)...I had a stable job for 20yrs! I was laid off, but not related to my issues and I am back with the company 4 yrs later.
Also, UNDERSTANDING is the BEST gift you can give this child...that does NOT mean "putting up with anything and everything". When someone takes the time to listen to you, to truly understand you, it is MUCH easier for you to learn about yourself, your faults, etc. and work on them...I promise you it works...It has helped my relationship with my DH greatly.
My Aspie neice is enjoying
My Aspie neice is enjoying her cashier job at the drugstore!! She is 22 now. I think your SS will improve too as he gets older.
Herewego, I had no idea you had this? Just goes to show, it gets better with time!!
That looks like an interesting website, I will check it out, thanks! And to op, good luck
Stepintexas: I've been SD for
Stepintexas: I've been SD for about 3 years. Mom is quite aware of his tenancies, having gone through counseling with him when he was younger. To answer your question...no.
Herewegoagain: Thank you for your insight. Your comments have inspired me to seek ways to understand better as opposed to giving in to tackling. (Which I would honestly NEVER do.) I checked out the website you suggested, and will use frequently. He IS a good kid, and when faced with serious moral and/or ethical decisions, he chooses the right path.
The little annoyances make my stomach quiver when in the moment, but when I'm calm, I really do see the positives...maybe I should meditate more often.
Most Evil: I agree...He will improve, and I must remember that 16 is and has been awkward for most people.
If nothing else, this experience has made me a bit more patient...Thank you!!
And i think i have it
And i think i have it bad....NOT !!!!!!!!
Please Read "Look Me In the
Please Read "Look Me In the Eye" by John Elder Robison! I think you will LOVE it and it might give you some understanding! It's not only eye-opening, but really funny as well!
I think Aspergians do feel they are the center of the universe, in a way, but apparently they can't help seeing the word the way they do. This book is incredible, please read it.
Also, there is a movie called "Temple Grandin" starring Claire Danes that I found to be life-changing in helping me understand Asperger's. See:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1278469/
You won't regret looking at these two items, if you haven't already.
Yes people with Asperger
Yes people with Asperger syndrome can be a challenge if they have not received help for it. My SD hums nonstop, bangs her head into the wall repeatedly, unspeakable aggression, totally in her own world, & so much more. Its only normal for you to feel the way you do but how you handle it is what matters. I have wanted to take her out & beat her to a pulp after she hurt the animals & people. I'm under the assumption but could be wrong that people with Aspergers seem to have another condition they are dealing with too. It would be great if you could get your SS into a place that works with Asperger patients if you haven't already.