resentment building
My children and I have lived with my DBF and his children for a year. WHen we first moved in together he only had his children (3 & 5 now) every other week. I made it very clear that I did not want to take on full responsibility for young children. I am in nursing school and have my own children. Well, a couple months later he got full custody of his kids. They are with us all the time except every other weekend. He goes to work in the morning and does not get home until 6-8:30 at night. The past 3 months I have kept his kids everyday. I have tried to tell him that I am overwhelmed. They drive me crazy all day. He saves money by not sending them to daycare and I am not working right now. I am in nursing school and have the summer off. Yes, since I am not working and he pays the bills, its understandable that he would want me to watch his kids....BUT when we were first together I had two vehicles, one the transmission went out and we sold. THe other we traded in for another vehicle plus I paid the first 1500. He considers the vehicle his. We did get another car, but let it go back bc of money, even though I am saving him money by babysitting. I have also used my child support and loan money from school to pay for just as many of the bills as he does. So I do not think it is fair for anyone to say I owe it to him to babysit bc I am not working. Plus, I have told him that I need a break but he refuses to give their BM extra time with the kids, even when she asks. FOr example, he got home late and couldn't pick them up from her house on her weekend until about 10 pm and he had to be at work at 5 am. She wanted to keep them until the next day but he said no. I have left 4 times mostly bc the kids. I feel used, not only as a babysitter but as a maid. I spend 98% of my time caring for him and his children its exhausting. I have no free time, and no time alone with my own children, which they resent. I am not happy staying home taking care of someone else's children. I resent that their own mother isn't responsible for taking care of them. Just like last weekend. She is suppose to get the kids on Friday night but she didn't have anyone to babysit them while she worked. She said she would get them sat morning. Of course she doesn't ever show up in the mornings, not even on holidays. But she kept putting us off all day. He worked until about 8 so I was her free babysitter. She had better things to do. She decided to get them Sunday instead ( they are suppose to come home on Sunday). He only let her bc she said she would take them shopping for school clothes but she didn't. I love him vm. We want to get married, but I don't know if that would be a big mistake. I just really resent having to watch his kids, feeling like their slave, never having time alone with my kids, or for myself.
I'm sorry for you. I think
Good point! "One day you will
Good point!
"One day you will be working after school is over, then what will he do? Nurses can have crazy schedules so you won't always be around. Plus your kids are losing $ on things they need because you are paying for their needs with the money sent to your kids."
Why did he go behind your
Why did he go behind your back and get full custody, after you made things clear to him that didn't want the responsibility? That was a d!ck move on his part. I'd leave.
Do not get married....I
Do not get married....I repeat do not get married!!!! (or pregnant) If you were my daughter I would snatch you up and hide you;) I am in a similar situation and my DH pulls the same excuses. Word for word. Get your degree and get out, fast! It is not worth it when you feel like you do, like "we" do. There is so much more to life then being someone's babysitter. It is such a thankless job, being a stepmother. It does not get better. It is going on 7 years for me. I was married within 5 months of meeting my DH so I did not have time to check it all out. I quit my job, gave up my friends and family to move out of state with DH to be closer to my SS, and I lost my identity. Now I am paying the price.
I too do not work but bring in money from my student aid and loans (cheaper for me to not work and go to school than to work) and that is good enough. You are contributing to the household. However, you give up school than you give up your freedom. I am in the process as well of getting my education and then getting the heck out.
Some advice, put away some of that financial aid/loan money, get yourself a working car, and education all while mustering it up so you can finish nursing school. You get child support and financial aid, sounds like you don't need him. Your boyfriend is just using you. My DH does the same bull, does not let BM have the kids if he is working 15 hour days and SS is with me all day, just so he does not have to deal with the ex. His kid, his ex, his problem. You are being used. I speak from experience!
Oh, and don't get me wrong. I love my DH so much but enough is enough. What about you and your needs and wants out of life? Your responsibility is you and your kids and your marriage. When his kids and ex "problems" interfere with your well being and relationship with your children, it is time to move on. Good luck!
Forgot to add that we have a 16 month old together. I thought this would make things better and us closer....boy was I ever wrong. I just added more work for myself.
Read my post...WHY ?????
Read my post...WHY ?????
Girl, he's using you. He
Girl, he's using you. He wants to have it all but at your expense. Actually, his ex is definitely using you too. How much longer do you have in nursing school? Put your foot down and stand up for yourself; they're controlling you. And whatever it takes, graduate. Trust me, I've been there. -RN