SS10 Called CPS on Future DH - Charges Filed - CPS Wants Him Back With Us Anyway - Please Help
SS10 has been running away from home everyday for the last week. On Tuesday SS10 ran away and told police he was kicked out of his home, didn't know his: name,parents names, address, phone number or where he lived. He also said that his father beat him so bad that he bled. They checked him and saw no signs of abuse. They recommended a spanking and SS10 eventually admitted his was lying so he could get off his two week punishment.
Yesterday, he ran away again and said he hated his life. He ran to a neighbor's home and told her all sorts of lies, so she called the police. The police came and he told them we made him eat rotten eggs, abused him, and made him read so much he lost his memory. All of this was proven untrue! The police checked his butt and saw light welts from the spanking he got the night before and what looked like what they called "self inflicted bruises." They charged my fiance with abuse but filling out the paper work took so long that the cops who responded on Tuesday started their shift and came to tell the new officers that SS10 is a liar and that they are partly to blame for recommending the spanking. So they reduced the charge to a misdemeanor. After the police wrote the report they tried to take SS10 to his grandparents (my fiance's parents) for the night but they refused to keep him so they bought him back to us but we told them to keep him. Since he has a deadbeat mom who doesn't even use her supervised visitation; he's at the neighbor's but the social worker wants him to come home, even though my fiance has told them he no longer wants him in the home.
I want out because the lies SS10 told were so outrageous that the police took pictures and remarked that he must have mental issues and be "playing a game." However, my fiance doesn't deserve this; he is a wonderful man and he was very anti-spanking until the cops recommended it. SS10 smiled as he showed off his self inflected bruises and unintentional welts.
SS10 thinks he's the king of the world and has the neighbor he's staying with thinking that we are sadists.
We don't want him back but social services is insisting that we take him.
Thoughts?
NOTE: We abandoned spanking
NOTE: We abandoned spanking for punishment and he still ran away to get away from his grounding. Officers said to spank so fiance spanked him even though we'd stopped. Nothing works with him and my fiance asked CPS to take him and get him help but looks like we're stuck. We have been told that he may have a conduct disorder.
Really looking into. I cannot
Really looking into. I cannot live in the same home as this kid. As an educator, these lies jeopardize my career.
Omg!!! I feel so sorry this
Omg!!! I feel so sorry this little shit is putting you thru all of this!!! I have a SS11 (just turned 11) who is going down the wrong path as well!!! I feel your pain!!
Thank you! I am glad we are
Thank you! I am glad we are not alone. This is torture.
Social Services has their
Social Services has their heads up their asses..... ask Just.his.wife...
Why would they give is back a
Why would they give is back a kid we said we do not want when my fiance has a pending child abuse charge? If he really was an abuser and decided to really hurt SS10, social service would be liable.
They threatened my DH that if
They threatened my DH that if he did not take his 17 yo daughter back, who broke her sisters NOSE in the house, that they would file abandonment charges on him.
Thing is: they threaten a lot. They don't DO it. Your fiance needs to call the state agency and ask to begin the process of signing over custody of the child to the state. That he is out of control "to the point of self harming" (trigger words and hey, he is bruising himself)and can not be handled in the home you are requesting he be placed in foster care.
Your local office doesnt want to do the paperwork, better to threaten the parents and get the case closed. Call the main state office and start the procedure.
Oh yes! His mother lied to
Oh yes! His mother lied to the police on my fiance quite a few times during their custody battle and when they'd have arguments while together. He's just like her; my fiance spent 50 grand to get custody of her spawn.
My fiance has full custody.
My fiance has full custody. BM is only entitled to supervised visitation and she doesn't use it. I read about CPS taking kids and thought they easily did but now I am being told by everyone that they normally don't. I am going to have to break my engagement over this. I have already taken my ring off and halted planning. If I have to choose between loving my fiance and possibly losing my career; I choose me. I am only in my twenties and just beginning and I certainly don't love this kid, so if I never saw him again I'd be fine.
You CAN refuse to take him
You CAN refuse to take him back from social services. Tell them that the lies and reports are putting yourselves at risk and you cannot handle him; he runs to the police when he is grounded.
They will have to put him into care and will have to evaluate him and provide services.
I had three kids on my foster care caseload where the parents tried and tried and finally had the last straw and refused. Now they will PRESSURE they may even insinuate "oh GOOD parents would take darling home and we will give you some services", but those kids on my caseload their parents stayed firm and refused because they could not put themselves in that risk (what if SS decides to take it up a notch and runs to police and has more severe self-inflicted wounds and cries rape??? DH was almost charged with child abuse once because of the child's lies, do not let yourselves get thrown in jail or have a record that is falsey charged because that does not go away!)
At the very least, I would demand full services of the state, including counseling/therapy, psychiatrist, behaviorist, and social worker monitoring the child's case, but like you did, the smartest thing is to fully refuse to have him returned due to both your legal future safety and demand that they get him help.
Thank you for this! I am
Thank you for this! I am going to let my fiance know he has the option to refuse to have him in the home.
We will stand our ground today.
They are refusing to take
They are refusing to take him.
No spanking,WIF,well
No spanking,WIF,well then,just talk to him...not,no f@#king way,beat his ass !!!!
That's what the officers told
That's what the officers told us to do and now my fiance has been charged for it.
UPDATE: The neighbor bought
UPDATE: The neighbor bought SS10 home and she and SS10 decided to lecture my fiance. SS10 said to his father: "you are a bad person and a bad parent but Susie (the neighbor) says you can get help.: Susie (the neighbor) turns to my fiance and says " please call me and tell me what the outcome of the CPS investigation is." I walked out into the living room when she said that and my fiance replied " I will let the social worker tell you if she chooses to." I could not believe this woman had the audacity to disrespect my fiance that way. She ran off when I came to the living room.
20 minutes later SS10 walked outside and decided to visit a friend because he wanted to. So my fiance called the police and they came over and boot camp style yelled at SS10 and asked him "who he thinks he is." The officer yelled "You are 10!" They said if they get a 6th call he will be taken to juvenile hall.
On the way out the office said " Personally, I think you should be able to legally discipline your child and not have to worry about police; social services is likely not going to remove him from the home; we ask them to remove seriously abused children from the home and they don't, so even with you spanking charge you are kind of stuck with the kid."
If we tell him bedtime is at 8:30 he will sit there until 9 because he believes we are afraid to discipline him now.
Social worker will be here for interviews in a few hous. UGH. Want him out of this home!
Oh he did already. The
Oh he did already. The neighbor called my fiance at work demanding that he pick his son up because he'd been lying to her. She threatened to call the police on my fiance if he didn't show up. However, she pretended to be the loving savior t0 SS10 the whole time and all he can talk about is how wonderful Susie is and how we're bad people.
UPDATE 2: So the social
UPDATE 2: So the social worker stopped by. We will be visited by an in home therapist one a week from now on and the social worker will be stopping by as well. SS10 will get to go to camp because they believed the grounding to be too harsh. Moreover, he can no longer be spanked. So...looks like a lot of the attention SS10 wanted he will now be getting.
Good Lord. Get out while you
Good Lord. Get out while you can!
Oh my Lord!!! I am so very
Oh my Lord!!! I am so very sorry you all are going thru this!!! What a little shit!!!! I will pray for all of you!! I replied to your other post but had time to really go back & re- read your posts-- please. I know it would cost some money-- get cameras installed into the home!!! Protect yourself!!! You may need to temporarily move out just to protect yourself!!!! That kid needs tough love- but geesh- how do you get backing in this atmosphere?!? I'm so horrified for you!!
My SS11 is a big pain in my ass. BM acts like she has no real problems with him-- but we are finding that to be a big lie. My eldest SS let it leak out (while SS11 was getting into trouble at our house this week) that BM has threatened SS11 with calling the cops & having him placed in foster care!!! Now, we know it was just a tactic she used, she's a social worker- she deals with this stuff. BUT it have me validation that I'm not the only one he gives such a rough time too. He lies do badly (& he's good at it!!) & up until this week, my DH would believe him against me!!! Until. I got smart. I videotaped his ass!!! Let's just say that my DH is still kissing my ass. It's hard to rebunk what's in tape. Caught his lying little thieving ass!! DH is still on my shitlist tho-- two years!! I've been dealing with this crap for TWO long years!! Honestly-- I kinda feel like I've got one foot out the door still. Even tho DH knows the hard cold truth!!! It's all this pain & resentment I've got built up. DH is to blame. He let it go too far & for far too long. It hurts!!
Hang in there girl. Come & vent when you need to!! We are here for ya! Keep us updated please!!
How did the kid get this way?
How did the kid get this way? Your BF has full custody, and BM doesn't even see this kid. So... how has BF been parenting up to this point? It sounds like he lost control some time ago...
If BF left welts from the spanking, it was TOO MUCH. I can understand the charges. Spankings shouldn't leave welts and/or bruises.
It sounds like your SS, who is still very young, has some serious issues. Having dad abandon him (just like his mother has done) will ONLY exacerbate the situation. This boy needs help and love. When people choose to have a child, they accept the responsibilities and obligations that come with parenthood. (Or rather, they SHOULD.) Just because BF has so far raised a maladjusted, manipulative handful does not mean he gets to now bow out and abandon his duty. I've seen many parents who are lazy parents, don't have boundaries and rules with their kids, and then when (not if) the kids get out of hand, they want to discard them. UM, HELLO, those kids didn't turn into monsters all by their little lonesomes.
This kid needs help. His father needs to be the one who provides it. If you fear it will damage your career, perhaps you should rethink the relationship.
Don't spank. If he has a
Don't spank. If he has a conduct disorder, the spanking will only make things worse -- he'll fight back and get more & more aggressive.
I feel terrible for you. I hate to tell you this, and it's not what you will want to hear, but I would get out while I can. I know you love your boyfriend, but he's the bio-dad and he is 50% responsible for the genetics in this situation, and unfortunately, he is probably going to have to raise his son whether he likes it or not. If he can afford a special-needs boarding school for behavior disorders, then that's probably what he'll have to do. They cost about $60K per year. I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know if your BF can just sign off his rights to his child or not. Maybe, maybe not. I'm not a lawyer, so I don't know, but chances are that his guilt might prevent him from actually going through with something like that.
These kids with emotional issues or behavior disorders are VERY expensive to raise. So get ready. Buckle up tight, and hang on for dear life. That's why I am saying you should leave now. If you don't, then write back on this blog in 5-10 years and let us know how it's going. Sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear. But the guy has a child with problems, like it or not.
Sure, the BM might have something to do with all this, but that's sort of a moot point now, right? I mean, she's gone, and the kid is your BF's responsibility. Not the neighbor's, not yours, not the state's, not CPS's, not the BM who ditched her own child ... his now. He even paid big bucks and fought for custody -- you said it yourself. So get ready .... 
I am going through the identical thing
Only my SS is 15 and I hate to say the older he gets the more lying and manipulative he gets.
Too
Don't leave your husband this is a child and they can't should not hold that much control over your life. I generally ignore and don't engage with my SS and leave him to his own self. I kind of think of myself as a babysitter. He has food water shelter.
Around here, if you refuse to
Around here, if DH refuses to take him home, he will be charged with neglect. And DH would also pay child support to the county if they do place him. It's not the taxpayers' job to pay for a kid that DH can't handle, unless the court places him.
Not to be harsh, but generally you can't just give up difficult kids to the system without some consequence.
Does this kid have a therapist? Or any other services for troubled kids? There should be some available in your area.
This is one reason why spanking is not a good way to deal with misbehavior.
This thread is from 2012.
This thread is from 2012. Just saying
This thread is from 2012.
This thread is from 2012. Just saying
I would contact private
I would contact private psychiatric hospitals they can do a phone screening and arrange an admission for evaluation. It cannot be a state run hospital. If that doesn't work I would take him to a child psychiatrist and after an evaluation you can discuss the process for inpatient admission. SS would be evaluated they would start treatment and his behavior would be documented that way there is a record so if COS became involved again you would be able to show them he has mental health issues.
The kid is staying with a
The kid is staying with a neighbor? Why hasn't daddy pressed kidnapping charges agains that neighbor for kidnapping his son?
I would own that busy body neighbor and have her ass in court for defamation of character and it would be my sole mission to own her ass and every penny she would ever earn, and put she and her family under the local overpass slinging "Will work for food" signs. Anyone weak enough to be that manipulated by a toxic 10yo and join with that toxic POS 10yo to ruin the lives of someone who did nothing more that spawn a lying manipulative evil little POS.
Grrrrrrr!