Need help now!!!
My SS came home yesterday from his mother's house. Last night while we were drawing on the chalkboard, he tells me about what happened at his mom's that weekend. His mother and step dad got into a huge fight right in front of him. They were hitting each other. He slapped her across the face, slammed her hand repeatedly in the door (she has bruises) and took their baby over to the neighbor's while this was happening. But my SS was sitting there the whole time watching this and crying and they didn't even care. He's afraid of his step dad now... he says he doesn't want to be over there anymore. (Oh and there was a time when step dad has pushed SS over and over and my husband had to go and pick him up) It really scares me that he is in that environment. What can I do??? Because she still has bruises.. I figure if we do something, it should be while there's still evidence, right?
Do it now
Yes, you need to contact Social Services or the police while the child still has bruises. You could also take him to his Doctor. That is scary. The Step Father could seriously injure your SS.
CALL THE POLICE!!!
I understood from your post that BM still has bruises?
Call the police and report what SS told you before the bruises fade!
before YOU are the accused!!!
Things get turned around!
GOOD point Kim M,
Thing really DO get turned around. It happened to DH and I and we are still in court over it. So YES, report the incident NOW!
My SS was not hit this
My SS was not hit this time.. I want everyone to understand that. It's just that they are getting violent in front of SS and he's really afraid.
you need to report it asap
domestic violence in front of a child is considered child abuse in some states and in some places carries an aggravated charge. get the child out of there!
He Also May Need Counseling
I agree with those above that this should be reported immediately. You may also want to take your SS to a counselor so he can tell his story to a professional and it can be documented for future reference.
Black and Blended
call your local domestic violence project if you have one
I want to warn you that it is SUPER difficult to get CPS to act sometimes. The police aren't enthusiastic at times either. And even children's doctors are hesitant. Abuse charges are uncomfortable for them.
But...
SO WHAT! Don't be discouraged if you're met with ambivalence. You have to do what's best for your SS. Witnessing domestic abuse of his mother is very traumatic and encourages a cycle of abuse throughout SS's life.
Before we sought custody, BM actually physically pushed SD down and threatened her. SD ran to a neighbor's and called us absolutely frantic. I called 911 b/c we were a good 35 mins away and I was afraid of what BM would do if she found SD before we got there. God bless the neighbors. They talked to DH and promised to not let BM leave with SD til we got there.
BUT the 911 operator? JERK. Told me that it's not their place to tell a woman how to discipline her child! Told me if we got there and needed an ambulance to call back. Gave no further instructions.
Then we took her for an xray b/c sd complained her back hurt from BM pushing her down into a chair that then fell over backward. We had to ask the hospital to call CPS. TWICE before they did. It was like they wanted no part in it.
THEN... CPS called us back later (8 pm Sat night.) Said to file a police report. We go down to the station the next afternoon (Sunday.) The officer acted like we were over reacting. Then he said, "Well you should have called us yesterday, b/c you probably won't have a case after waiting."
I told him, "That's funny...b/c I DID and your 911 operator treated me like I was wasting his time." He said, "Oh... well he should have told you to call us if you took her to the hospital. So I doubt anything will come of this."
Great.
But...at least we documented it.
Now here's my broken record. We also had just so happened to already have set up an appointment with a prominent child psychologist in the area. So that appointment was the next week. And that started the whole build up to custody.
Call CPS. NOW. And the domestic violence project who should know how to help you.
If there is a pattern of abuse of BM by SD the court will take her kids away. Period. The bummer is.... there has to be a pattern. It's a long difficult process. Be prepared for the long hull.
GOODLUCK!
Peace, love, and red wine
scary situation
I know this is a very scary situation, but this is also a delicate situation, from reading your post it sounds like the SS was not hurt but saw something very frightening. I know you are afraid for SS, but from past experiences the likeliness of CPS getting involved is very slim to none. I have been told by CPS before that kids have to be very seriously hurt before they react. not just a bruise, and if a SP calls usually it will backfire on them (usually SP gets blamed for the abuse or SP gets blamed for filing false reports). What is your relationship like with BM do you get along or will she get mad for getting involved in her business? because that is essentially what will happen, if you file a report you are filing it because SS witnessed domestic violence and you were concerned for the child and his mother getting abused. Now do you think she will deny the charges or will she be greatful for the help? You should think about this because once you report it most likely you will be in for a long court battle. be prepard
It is a scary situation and
It is a scary situation and one thing I might not have said is that children's services have been involved before. Twice actually. A neighbor reported them before and she ultimately lost custody.. (that's some of the reason we have custody and she has visitations) But another time it was because BM and SF were fighting and he was hitting her and she called the cops on him and so children services got involved and investigated to make sure that it's a safe environment for the child. (and yes the SF has hit SS before)
But either way no this is not just for SS. BM needs to get out of the situation also. She used to call crying to my husband about how she's being treated, but this is what she grew up seeing from her parents so she accepts it. But I'm not having my SS lose his mother. No me and BM don't get along, but NO ONE deserves to go through this. And I am worried about not only SS getting hit but seeing that. This will cause so many problems for him. So Just so everyone knows.. I did file a report today with Children's Services and hopefully something will come of this since this will be their third investigation. I want SS to see his mother, but I don't think the SF is right for him to be around. He's really afraid of SF. So we'll just see what happens.
Former abused woman spoke...
At an event I just did. She said it took losing custody completely before she got out of her abusive relationship. I think if a neighbor's has reported it, and there is already the history/pattern then you should call CPS again. And again, and again. B/c in this situation with a pattern and history of domestic abuse they will intervene. Also, please call local battered shelter/domestic violence people. They are dedicated to your cause believe me.
Peace, love, and red wine