SIL and College Education
Less than 1 year ago my DH and I paid 9K for SD28 wedding. She married a man who was 38 years old (now 39). SD and I do not get along great. I am pleasant with minimal contact and communication – that is all.
SIL is trying to finish college and is attending a PRIVATE college. Unfortunately, when he got hitched to SD, he got a reduction on his tuition money from the military. Now he says he does not have enough money to pay for his schooling and may have to take a semester off – or he could transfer to one of two state universities. (One happens to be where my BD attends and is paying her own way on loans).
This weekend I received an email from a donation site asking to donate to SIL’s college tuition (included his long blog story of why he needs the money). I was flabbergasted. SIL created a donation site, where you can give him money?? (I still have a BD finishing college). I asked DH this guy is nuts? Does he think we are going to contribute to his education? He is almost 40 years old, we still have a child in college and we just paid for their wedding less than a year ago. I had never heard of such a thing in my life, sending me an email requesting to donate to his college fund. Let him ask his parents (his dad is a doctor! But there have been some estrangement issues there)
DH, in his passive response said: “well, I don’t think he sent it just to you.” (Meaning, SIL probably sent it to other people too…) I said, yes, I know that – I still find it tactless sending a parent-in-law a request for money.
I’m pretty sure the email went to DH office email too and if DH donates anything I will be very upset.
Has anyone ever heard of such a thing in their life? Is this crazy? I feel like sending the SIL an email back saying we cannot contribute to your education, we just paid for your wedding! I'm really in shock...
Send him an email asking him
Send him an email asking him to donate to your vacation in Europe or your retirement home in Florida. What a tool.
OMG! That is awful. I can't
OMG! That is awful. I can't imagine anyone being ok with an adult asking for money to finish his education. It is tacky and I would be humiliated.
I would reply back that it is
I would reply back that it is inappropriate to ask such a thing....Take a loan or get a job....
It's a new world where the
It's a new world where the anonymity of the Internet allows these silly things to go on. I'd ignore it. Tell your husband to do the same or sleep on the couch until he gets a second job to pay off whatever he sent.
It is very nervy but nothing
It is very nervy but nothing surprises me about adult "children" who think parents are to help them throughout their life financially. I would just ignore it and carry on living your life as you wish.
But quietly prepare DH for
But quietly prepare DH for the moment when they do the same for the SGKs-to-be...
I'd be so tempted in your shoes to forward that email to SSIL's parents. But they no doubt are fully aware of his antics. And I agree with other posters, non-reaction is the best policy.
Oh, a new kicker. To my
Oh, a new kicker. To my understanding SIL was $4,300 short on college funds - per a social media site. I notice that the Donation site is asking for $14,500! What? WHAT? What happened to the $10K you already have for school from the military? I guess they are planning a vacation with the additional donate money from idiots. I am in SHOCK. The nerve of people. Not getting a dime out of me and I am not responding. If I ever find out DH contributes -- it will be a divorce. Then he can spend the money on lawyer fees. Oh, the SD and SIL's 1st anniversary is coming up and DH insists on sending a Anniversary Card with $75, cause he did it for SS on his 1st anniversary. Really? I guess that is the school donation. I really can't win and DH loves to piss away our money on HIS grown adult children. I have decided to run up our bills so he won't have the money to spend on anyone but our own bills (HA!)
Almost 40 and pulling such
Almost 40 and pulling such childish pranks? So, so sick of this! Mine are almost 50 and behave like teenagers. But I have disengaged via attorney and hope to soon disengage forever!
It is sad, isnt it? My DH's
It is sad, isnt it? My DH's daughter is 23 and is actually throwing tantrums because we got married. His sons are like pre teen boys. I can see them being this way forever.
my cousin is 24 and she and
my cousin is 24 and she and her dh were going to get a divorce a couple months ago. they seem to be back together or close to it now. she sent a bunch of people in our family messages asking for us to donate to her so she could file for divorce and she would pay us all back when she got a job. i completely ignored it, as did my aunt. i was shocked that she would ask everyone else to pay for her divorce, that never even happened! i doubt anyone gave her money, but if they had, how likely is it that she didn't spend it on something else? i just can't imagine doing something like that. i got divorced at 22, and i paid for it all myself. then again, i had a job, not a habit of asking for handouts.
I will never understand this.
I will never understand this. I am in a lot of debt bc I took out student loans. I am so sick of people saying they cannot go to college-TAKE OUT A LOAN like so many others. If you cannot or will not, do not go. I never asked my parents for help. No one owes anyone a college education.
DH's kids are so lazy and umotivated, that this has not been a problem, but at one point his daughter mentioned going to our local community college. She said she could not go due to the cost, and hinted for DH to pay for it. No way. She never even got the application, and I guarantee if he had given her money (he would have had to take out a loan), she would have not finished the degree.
My sons are both military.
My sons are both military. Your money contributed for college does not go down because you got married. Perhaps the amount of money he could get in grant money or loans from government student loans may go down because they have two incomes. He is being very misleading unless of course, we are speaking of someone from a different country.