ADVICE NEEDED NOW!!!

Forums:

:jawdrop: Oh no! Once again I need my fellow step peoples advice!! I have NO IDEA how to approach this one....

Situation: Today SD10 put up an 8x10 old photo of her Mom and DH and her when she was a baby up on her wall of her room. As you all know...I hate (with good color of right) her evil Mother and almost puked when I walked in the room....now just so you all know...she is not doing this malicously. We have never bad mouthed her Mother and as far as the kids know...we are all very amicable and they have never known that anything bad has ever transpired. (We have been really careful). How do I say to the kid that DH and I dont want to have a picture of their Mother anywhere in our house ever???? (In the nicest possible way.) This is the weirdest situation...HELP PLEASE!!

I don't think you can. If

I don't think you can. If it's in her room, let her have it. It probably brings back good memories for her. You can't erase her past. If you take it down, you will just open the door to her questions, and have to figure out how to answer them.

Close the bedroom door and ignore it, even though it sucks! Keep the kid in the dark about how you all really feel about each other. It's not her problem.

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You cannot tell this little girl to take down her picture of her DM! She won't understand, and she'll think you're a witch.

I get that it's weird for

I get that it's weird for you, and probably bugs you.

But I don't think you should say anything. It's SD's room, she didn't try to put it in the living room, and it's her parents. She loves them, and it doesn't take away from her feelings for you.

I'd just make sure the pic isn't in the line of sight as you walk by and let it be.
Just one of those "stepmom" things.

Yes, I agree with everyone

Yes, I agree with everyone else.

As much as it would bug me - this is one of those things where you have to suck it up and be the bigger person, as you say - she hasn't put it there with malicious intent.

Close the door, don't look at it.

OR - look at it and remind yourself how much prettier etc than BM you are LOL

(just kidding)

true:)

Much as it sucks to see that

Much as it sucks to see that picture up in your house, I think this maybe one of those things you ave to learn to detach from. Do you have any pictures of you, DH and the girls? Maybe get a nice portrait shot and have her hang one of them in her room as well, then she has not just her past but her current life reflected as well.

This will only be a problem for a short time -- she is getting close to that age when posters of Justin Bieber and Twighlight will be covering every spot in her room.

So true! Get ready for those

So true! Get ready for those crazy posters. Then there won't be enough wall space for family photos. Problem solved.

Yeah, they were, like,

Yeah, they were, like, totally last week!!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Thanks everyone....I totally

Thanks everyone....I totally appreciate what you are all saying...I can probably live with the fact that bitch face is on the wall...its just that DH has to see it too..its a family portrait that was taken that has him and the baby and BM and his parents and sister in it. I'm not going to lie. Im a bit jealous of it being up too. Does it invoke feelings in him of a happy time...sigh....I do hate her face too....hahah

My SD does that was well.

My SD does that was well. When she is not here, I put it in her panty drawer so I don't have to keep dusting it. When she is here, whatever brings her comfort is up to her. Not only is it your house, it is hers too. My suggestion is let her have that one little room to herself. Whatever brings her a peace of mind, is her business. I never show the HATE I have for my SD BM. That is my business. But that is still her mom.

As much as this kills me

As much as this kills me (like seriously I want to die)..lol...DH and I will allow her to keep it up...did I mention its 8x10 (massive people)..thank you all so much. I really just needed to hear it from other Steps. Cheers!! I believe it is the mature thing to do and it is her room and her parents. thanks for the nudge in the "right" direction. Its about her...not my hate.

You did the right thing by

You did the right thing by letting it roll off of your back and leaving it in her room. Maybe the BM has a more updated picture that can take it's place?

DH's kid's room, is her room. If she wants pictures of harpy that spawned her then that's her choice. However, she's never kept a picture of her mother or her sisters (not DH's kids) in her room in the 5.5 years DH and I have been together.

She does have a great picture of her and DH together. When she's mad at him she places it face down on her dresser! }:)

It's not about pretending..

It's not about pretending.. it's about remembering her childhood and what her life used to be like.. it's about remembering her mother and father when they were a family, not pretending that they're still I'm love. She's not displaying it to be inappropriate, she's a child.. she's just doing what brings her comfort. It's not about what you want in your home, your step child was torn away from everything that made sense to them and thrown into a new environment.. a photo of what her family used to be is comforting to that child because that's where she felt safe before. She's just trying to make her new home feel safe and comfortable.

SD5 has a picture of her BM

SD5 has a picture of her BM and DH on their wedding day. It's in a little frame on her bedside chest. I was a stepdaughter too, and I don't ever want her to feel like its not okay for her to love her mom, miss her mom, or be proud of her mom. Whatever happened between BM and DH, it has nothing to do with SD5, and while this is my home, it is her home too. If a picture of her mom is needed to make her feel at home here, I can live with it.

I agree, I am the same, but

I agree, I am the same, but the couple picture of both parents together is a different thing than having a picture of mum or mum and daughter together, I find.

You shouldn't ask her to take

You shouldn't ask her to take down the photo, that's like telling her that it's not ok to love and her remember her family like it used to be. My siblings still carry around our old family photo in their wallets, kids like to remember that their parents were once happy together.

Lynn, I'm sure it is so

Lynn, I'm sure it is so awkward having that picture hanging. However, allowing that picture to be displayed does two things. It shows your greater love for your SD, and I believe it opens a door for you to talk to her, and be a parental figure. Good job. While it isn't fun for you, personally, way to be the adult. This might just be one of the things she remembers fondly about you, and her BM. *It does suck, so seriously, kudos to you!*

I understand it makes you a

I understand it makes you a bit jealous, maybe putting it in a nice little photo book would be better than on he wall?
I also think it would be better if she had a picture of her mum only and not from the former happy couple together ,maybe you could ask SD for it, but in the meantime I would try not too stress too much about it.It is good that SD hasn't done it to tease you as some kids have the skills to do such things to cause a reaction and to stir things up.
She didn't think anything wrong about it, so try not to be upset.

thank you all so much for the

thank you all so much for the advice and the heartwarming messages...just speaks volumes again for this website and the quality of people on here. i'm glad i found it. couldnt do this alone!

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