My nightmare possibly coming true....
Sd9 might be about to start her period. Fuck. Shouldn't I have a few more years here? I didn't start until 7th grade, she's only in 4th!
She's been complaining of stomach pains for two days now and crying constantly....the daycare lady pointed out to me yesterday at pick up that it sounds like she's aboutt to get her period. I damn near hyper ventilated when she said that.
For anyone who doesnt know my story, SD and I do not get along. She's very rude, selfish and mean. She lives with us full time, and her bm is not in the picture at all. So this will fall squarely on my shoulders. Her current hygene is attrocious. She doesn't wipe after she goes to the bathroom, there's poop and pee CAKED on all her underwear. She doesn't flush the toilet, she doesn't wash her hands ever, she wipes her nose on her sleeve or arm...or the chair. And that's if she wipes it at all, sometimes she just let's it run down her face and drip off her chin. She will cough up phlem from her throat, chew on it and then swallow it again, instead of spitting it out. She is also a complete and utter attention whore.
Not only am I dreading having the initial 'talk' with her, but to have to deal with her unsanitary ways while on her period a week a month, and deal with her drama queen attention seeking ways every month. She is going to be over the top. She's going to expect the world to stop for her......never mind that 50% of the human race deals with this and never skip a beat.
I do feel bad that I don't have more compassion for her, but she's done everything in her power for years to make me miserable. I'll do what I have to do, but I am not happy about it.
Moms who have been through this.....what's the basics of what I need to go over with her? How to use a pad, and how to properly dispose of it obviously. But what else should I cover with her? I feel like the safe sex talk is a bit too mature for a 9 yr old.
Get the school nurse to help,
Get the school nurse to help, especially with her overall hygiene issues.
Enlist help and have the
Enlist help and have the puberty talk starting now and often use disease and illness and anything else you can think of to encourage better hygiene and get dad in board to get his kid to clean herself (my SO makes his kids clean the toilet while hebwatches when they gross it up I do the same to mine) though they all are pretty good about not making a mess and all like showers. It could just be she really has a tummy ache and constant pain discomfort will cause someone to be whiny (it does me after so long maybe she's constipated?)
We are on her constantly
We are on her constantly about her hygene, she just doesn't care. We've had the pediatrician talk to her, and it made mo difference. She just flat out denies that she does these things. Even when confronted with stained, disgusting underwear, she still denies it.
I was making cookies with the kids last weekend and asked them to go wash their hands since we had to roll the dough into balls with our hands. She decided that is wasn't worth it, and didn't want to wash her hands to she just went to watch tv. I just don't know what to do with her anymore.
My first thought was that her stomach hurt because of something she ate. We were at a b-day party on Sunday and she ate a ton of junk food. And she of coarse didn't wash her hands all afternoon while playing outside with the kids, so I figured that she just picked up a bug of some sort.
When the daycare lady said that of might be her period, its like the world stopped turning for a minute. I have had this looming feeling of dread ever since.
I have a 9yr SD too. She was
I have a 9yr SD too. She was also having really poor hygiene issues & She recently thought she started her period when she went to the bathroom and their was blood in the toilet (long story short she hasn't started.) We talked with her about keeping her body clean, and her hair brushed, teeth brushed, etc. Then we took her to the store to let her pick out EXACTLY what she wanted for her hair and body to keep it clean. She was so excited to pick out the stuff that she wanted. SO FAR things have gone really well.
I don't think you need to
I don't think you need to talk about sex at all at this stage, unless she wants to know and asks. Just explain that periods are part of growing up, for a girl, and it means she will be able to have babies when she is an adult.
I sympathise with you over the poor intimate hygiene. My SD15 wears a pair of knickers until they are walking around by themselves, then usually discards them somewhere in her room, not in the laundry basket. There is a special bin in our bathroom for disposal of sanitary products, which is clearly labelled, however, SD15 has been known to dispose of them in her underwear drawer, and also left around the room for someone else to find. Lovely. :sick:
That's pretty much what I am
That's pretty much what I am envisioning. Blood stained clothing everywhere, blood spot of the sofas. Unwrapped used products left on the top of the garbage. Unflushed toilets stained red. Having to field questions from ss10 and bs3 about all the disgustingness that they will see in the bathroom. Being told at bedtime that she's it of products and needs more right now. Calls from the school that she's stained her clothes and didn't bring anything to use or change into.
But even if that's not whats going on right now....its coming one way or another. It's almost enough to make me want a divorce....
Fack, Peanut. Don't worry
Fack, Peanut. Don't worry about the school calling for that type of thing- EVER.
My SDs are the most disgusting things going. SD-17- at the time 13-14 would have stains clear up the ass of her pants and nobody called. EVER.
SD-12 stank to high heaven of rotten pads and nobody called. So no worries about the useless school!
The day care lady? Srsly?
The day care lady? Srsly? Until her pediatrician tells you that your SD is getting close to menarche, you can chill. If you want to know for sure, take her to the doctor. In the meantime, address the hygiene issue.
Is the child close to 100
Is the child close to 100 lbs? Supposed to be a "magic" menarche number.
My SD-12 started her pediod @ 10 y/o & was 90 lbs.
i've never heard that, but it
i've never heard that, but it makes sense to me. i started at 11 1/2, and i was about 100lbs then. my daughter started at 12, about the same weight. sd20, who has always looked like a 6 year old, didn't start until she was 14. i did her laundry when she was here, and i swear her underwear had to be a 2 or 3T. so that would explain why she started a little later than a lot of girls. it probably took her til 14 to reach 100 lbs.
Ask her pediatrician and/or
Ask her pediatrician and/or school nurse to help you address the hygiene issue.
Has SD ever lived with bm?
Bm abandoned SD when she was
Bm abandoned SD when she was 3 month old. SD lived with grandma from 3months until she was 4. When she was 4 grandma realized that bm wasn't ever going to get her act together so she sent her to live with Dh.
It really is sad. I'm sure he
It really is sad. I'm sure he thinks he's "protecting her" and spoiling her.... But he's just setting her up to have a harder time as gets older.
He never let's me parent her over anything discipline wise. Last night, we were out at the mall getting the baby's 5 month pictures done, and she was sitting Indian-style in a skirt. And the skirt was all bunched up around her waist. I super nicely just said, SD you are in a skirt please put your legs down. Dh snapped back, she's fine, she's wearing shorts underneath. So I start to try and explain that's not the point. That's she's getting too old for that ki.d of behavior and that the shorts are only as backup in case she forgets. He totally blows me off and undermines me in front of her. What does he think, that she's just one day going to turn into a lady the day she turn 13? She needs to be taught, she's not going to just wake up one day and instinctually know to keep her legs closed in a skirt. Does he think its cool to wear bike shorts as an adult every time you wear a dress or skirt?
Oh wow! I thought MY SD14
Oh wow! I thought MY SD14 had bad hygiene. She's a saint compared to yours.
I'd also enlist the help of the school nurse and or her pediatrician to guide you. I didn't have this issue with either my DD or SD since DD is always very clean and SD started her period before I met her.
I wish you the best. And by the way, I'd teach that kid how to wash her own nasty underwear if she's not doing her own laundry yet...DISGUSTING!
Do you have a "Public Health
Do you have a "Public Health Nurse" in your community, Peanut? I called the one in our community for my situation.
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I could have posted this myself!!!
It's not unheard of for a 9
It's not unheard of for a 9 y/o to begin menstruating.
It may seem extreme, but there are many medical sites from where you can download pictures of infected wounds, maggots, gangrene, ulcers, pus, etc. This can be a great motivator for a kid to start caring about hygiene. There is a short book out there called "My body and me", and it does a great job explaining the basics of menstruation and hygiene essentials. Of course you should follow up her reading of the book with letting her know that you are able and willing to answer questions. Do you make her smell her underwear? Everybody relax...this isn't abuse or damaging. Tell her to take a whiff. Tell her that that is what she smells like.
Obviously, this is a last resort to be used when all other courses of actions have failed.
Does she get frequent UTI's? I would assume, considering the state of her underwear. Have you told her that if she cleans herself that she would get them less often?
I feel for you. This is never an easy problem to deal with.
Hey girl, I am ALL about
Hey girl, I am ALL about telling skids to take a whiff of their gitch. }:)
Esp, when they are soooo starchy, the panties can stand by themselves!
"Do you like the way that smells?" :sick:
"When you wear them & they get WARM, don't you think everyone else can smell them too?"
Do you want boys in school to be able smell what you smell like down there?" :jawdrop:
THEN WASH YOUR CROTCH & CHANGE YOUR GITCH!!!! :jawdrop: :sick: :jawdrop:
Shockingly, no. She doesn't
Shockingly, no. She doesn't get UTIs, and I am so shocked by that. She's constantly sick with something (cough, runny nose, stomach ache) but never a UTI. I don't see how with the nasty underwear she has, but I do make her shower A LOT, to that may be what keeps her from getting them. I also make her change her underwear twice a day (morning and night)..... But that makes it even more rediculous that her underware gets so nasty in 12 hours.
Ugh. I don't think she's
:sick: Ugh. I don't think she's washing her undercarriage!
My Sd-17 had BV @ 13 partly due to poor hygiene.
Not to be TMI but I got my
Not to be TMI but I got my period at 9. I was starting to get pubies and little boobs in 3rd grade.
By 5th grade I was 5'5" and a 32-C. I was the tallest person in my classes. By Jr. High most people finally caught up to me.
I had my period in 4th grade. I hide it for 4 months because I had no idea what it was and I thought my Mom would get furious.... dunno why. The school nurse noticed me bleeding through my white pants and she called my Mom to come get me. Mom then had a talk with me about periods.
"refusal to clean oneself
"refusal to clean oneself could be a sign of depression"
YES. In young girls, it can also be a sign of sexual abuse. I've seen it 1st hand.
And it was my 1st clue SD-now-17 was being molested.
Aside from a stomach ache,
Aside from a stomach ache, what indications have there been that she might be starting soon? Hell, she could just be constipated.
It will be something to face at some point. Maybe she'll mature some before then, maybe not. I don't envy you.
I had to go through this with SD and DD...no fun, but not that exciting, either.
I'm remember being mortified because my mother made this HUGE deal about me "becoming a woman." I think she even bought me a gift. :?
Just the stomach ache, and
Just the stomach ache, and crying. Like I said, I didn't even think period until the daycare lady said that's what she thought it might be.
But now its been three days, four mornings, and no period. So I think this was probably just a stomach bug from eating at the party with dirty hands.
Now I feel like she's a ticking time bomb....
Try not to see "red",
Try not to see "red", Peanuts, this could be a complete false alarm!! It is very usual to start the menstruation hat early, so i can imagine (and I hope ) there are other reasons for her feeling uncomfortable.In that young age nearly everybody would struggle coping with the menstruation and dealing with it.I really do hope it will be not it!!
Just seems like girls start
Just seems like girls start so damned early these days. 9,10 & 11 are the NEW normal.
13 & 14 are no longer normal & are considered "late bloomers"
I blame the hormone injected meats we eat. 9 & 10 y/o girls shouldn't have to deal with that crap. It is unfair. Let little girls be little girls!!!
Starting to think it is a
Starting to think it is a false alarm. Her stomach pains seem to be almost gone (suprisingly the go completely away a meal times, and yet come back at homework and bedtimes).
But SS mentioned this morning that his stomach was bothering him too. I don't think I've ever been so happy to hear that one of the kids felt sick, lol. It's probably a bug she picked up.
"Her current hygiene is
"Her current hygiene is atrocious. She doesn't wipe after she goes to the bathroom, there's poop and pee CAKED on all her underwear."
Are we talking about my skid here? 'Cause we may as well be. THE SAME.
She has always been small for her age, and far behind the others in her maturity. Did that matter? Nope.
Started her period at 10 freaking years old. No warning! No notice! No symptoms! No spotting! Full-on period!
When she was still leaving poop in her panties, and occasionally wetting herself, why not throw menstruation into the mix!?! HELL YEAH! OMFG
I have found poopy, bloody & crusty panties everywhere in her room you can imagine. In bags, and purses, in a hole in the wall, under the bed, in the closet, in her desk, stuffed in drawers, and boxes. YARK! THEN she decided to try tampons after I said NO! I found those suckers hiding like Easter eggs! FML!!!
She's gone to school, and worn the same pad all day long, never changed it. Don't worry, no one will even bother to report to you, that your 10 y/o smells like dirty vag. Do they even freaking notice?!?!? WTH??
I buy all the cutesy pads I can find to get her interested in her hygiene. It does help a smidge. Kotex makes a really cute tween line with little drawings on the pads. I also make her wear a pull-up with a pad in it, for the first few overnights, for a few months...
Oh, Peanut. My heart hurts for you, and my stomach nauseated for you, too.
This thread has really hit home for me. (Sorry for the long rant) *HUGS* PM me if you need some one-on-one.
This whole thing made me want
This whole thing made me want to throw up..
Get used to it. These are
Get used to it.
These are only some issues you inherit, once you take someone else's kids into your home.
There is no un-doing the damage done, and there's no way to "fix" another woman's kids.