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Email to FDH I wrote about SD20

goincrazy.com's picture

Submitted by goincrazy.com on Thu, 10/11/2012 - 4:01pm

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I couldn't even wait until I got home, I was going to explode. I wrote him this then I called him and read it to him. I even sent it too so he would have a hard copy }:)

What do you guys think? Good or bad? Right or wrong?

>>>>So I want to offer my opinion on sd20 and her "breakdown" I don't care if you want to hear it. I am NOT trying to argue with you or start a fight but I NEED to get this off my chest.

YOU ENABLE HER, she doesn't have daycare or housing assistance bc she has it so easy living with you that she doesn't need it, and knows you are a pushover so why should she put forth any effort to get out on her own?

SD20 is in a shitty situation and her baby's dad is a piece of shit. Guess what???? SHE PUT HERSELF IN THAT SITUATION, stayed with a drug addict after he stole from her family. She makes bad decisions then can't handle the mess SHE created.

She thinks she has it rough???? She has free rent, free car, (mostly) free insurance, free health insurance, free electricity, free heat, free water, free cable, free internet, free daycare, free school, free cash every month, free food, free laundry, a (semi) clean house she doesn't help with, someone who grocery shops for her and her kids, free hot dinner every night that she doesn't have to cook for her or her kids....ETC ETC ETC

Get my point????

I'm not being a bitch and picking on her. Someone needs to be honest and tell you the truth bc you are blind when it comes to your kids.

I agree she's in a tough spot and she WILL get through it and its going to be really hard but you know what?
She needs to stop playing the victim and be strong and do something for herself to better her situation.
And you ENABLING her is NOT helping.

Everyone breaks down sometimes, and since she's having trouble dealing with her situation maybe she should go to counseling she gets for FREE through her health insurance. Maybe she should stop by the DR on the way and get meds for her migranes too instead of sitting there crying about it and not doing anything about it.

It's frustrating. SHE makes bad choices and we all have to live with it.

And maybe, she's so skinny bc shes on some shit???
Maybe not but you don't hang out and party with user's unless you are using. I'm just saying, I don't put it past her.

I love you and I'm sick of fighting over the kids.

pissedoff205's picture

Submitted by pissedoff205 on Thu, 10/11/2012 - 6:12pm

I am so sorry you have to endure all this crap but just know that you are not alone one bit. I have a 20 yr old SD and shit hit the fan two weeks ago and DH just sat there and let her talk to me like I was a nobody. Talking about if she stayed in the house with me he would have to call the police on her. She told me I was insecure. DH just sat there. You are not wrong for your email. That use to be the only way I could communicate with DH. I know talk to him and dont give a shit if he gets mad or not. How rough could she have it with all the free service she is getting. I feel sorry for her child. My DH told me I was picking on SD to. You sure we aren't married to brothers. lol :jawdrop: I hope he hears you and am listening to you to. We have went to two councelors. My Pastor and a certified university councelor. Both pratically said the same thing but my Pastor told my DH if I said it more than twice he needed to listen to me. Both said that SD and her dad has had eachother for 20 years and then along comes me but my BD, 13, dont act like her. She is his miniwife. I am so tired of being on the same level in our marriage as her but things will change in my house to. Whheeewww sorry I had a flashback of my own. lol You hang in there if you want your marriage and pray more. I feel your pain and no what you wrote is not bad. You are only trying to save your marriage. I hope your DH realizes that. I will pray for us all. She needs to grow up and get her own apartment. I have come to learn that to us, these SKids are grown but to the man they sees them as "daddy's little girl". It is sad bc your DH is an enabler. Lets hope it sinks in. He may get angry but if he does believe me he is thinking about what you are saying. Not many women would put up with being second to SD PERIOD!!!

PickmePickme's picture

Submitted by PickmePickme on Thu, 10/11/2012 - 6:19pm

You go, girl!!! Sounds like SOMEONE needed to say it and you did just that. There is nothing wrong with helping someone who actually WANTS help...not just demands it and has everyone take over for her. You did the right thing.
Good luck!

Drama3zone's picture

Submitted by Drama3zone on Fri, 10/12/2012 - 2:43am

Hi - ive found it helpful to write stuff or even text to DH even though we live together - because in heated discussions he often says he can't remember or misunderstood - or I end up loosing my head and looking like the troublemaker while BM and SD's whiste innocently!! Well done, you've said your truth and it is clear and fair - I think the problem is that parents do excuse their kids behaviour as they have that unconditional thing going on where the step relationship is conditional. And it is wrong for a parent to expect their partner to just deal with their children's less than helpful bahaviour! I feel for you - going against you is the fact that she was there before you moved in - and I appreciate that e go into the situations blind - how did he take it??

goincrazy.com's picture

Submitted by goincrazy.com on Fri, 10/12/2012 - 8:38am

Thank you all for your responses and advice. It really does help. I have said all of these things before but with the recent "breakdown" he was feeling sorry for her not not seeing the situation for what it is.
He said he's glad I told him how I felt, he was not upset and he said he does agree with me. He said he doesn't want to kick her when she is down and that even though he's not happy with the living situation either we have to stick it out till May and no if's.ands, or buts she will be out. He said he's done more than enough and went above and beyond helping her and supporting her and her children, In MAy he's done.......

He didn't give me any new answers to anything and we haven't solved the problem. He's actually been helping more this week with the kids to give her a break which really annoys me but I took the opportunity to meet with friends and get my nails done and made him do it by himself. I understand they are his grandjids but they also live with us and we get NO break from them. I don't understand why other family members can't help out. I'm just counting down the days and looking forward to therapy...hopefully we can begin to resolve things