DH Texted...
As some of you know from my first forum post, my husband moved out last Saturday after an argument of me being disrespected in the home. He doesn't see it, and as far as he's concerned Im being ridiculous. When he first left, I sent him a texted and asked if he would like to schedule a time to meet and talk. My primary reason for this was because I have two children of my own who I will need to explain what happened to DH and why is he gone. His text response was simply 'no. I need time. Ill be back on Friday'. I haven't heard a thing until a few moments ago. He said he will be home at 6 to talk. My question is, do I wait for home to come home to discuss things? Or do I continue with plans I made to eat dinner with a girlfriend? By the way, I don't know if he's going to ask for a divorce, request counseling, or we are separating. I've been left in the dark for a week while he has lived with his family. Thank you all!
I think you should wait to
I think you should wait to hear what he has to say. If you go out with your girlfriend he might think you don't care and it could make your situation worse. Keep your chin up lovey. Hope you get the outcome you want and deserve.
See, that was my initial
See, that was my initial response. Im more hurt that he runs to family and friends for support, while I've not said a word to anyone in order to preserve the marriage. His covenant is with me, not everyone else. Makes me sad.
I agree totally with Foxy -
I agree totally with Foxy - he has not thought about you all week so don't change your plans for him - believe me he will be there on Saturday if that is what you request and if he throws a hissy fit then is this what you want to live with forever - when he gets pissed he disappears for a week and then comes back - you are worth more than that!!!
^^^^Amen^^^^
^^^^Amen^^^^
Im more hurt that he runs to
Im more hurt that he runs to family and friends for support, while I've not said a word to anyone in order to preserve the marriage. His covenant is with me, not everyone else.
^^^^^ You should tell HIM this!!!
It is difficult to make a marriage work when one person is talking to everyone else but not the person they should be talking to!
Im sorry you're going thru
Im sorry you're going thru this Lynn123. It really hurts. I want to hear what he has to say, but the same time it scares the hell out of me. My children adore him so it rips my heart out if he were to say it's over.
Thank you both. I know you
Thank you both. I know you are right. I am stubborn and feel like he is calling all the shots. I need to swallow my pride on this one.:( And yes, I absolutely want to save my marriage. I think I am just fearing the worst at this point.
I think that no matter what
I think that no matter what he has to say that you should stay and hear it.
If he says he wants a divorce then you need to know so you can get on with your life.
If he says he wants to work things out and/or a seperation I would suggest marriage counseling to him.
It sounds like you want to
It sounds like you want to address the issues. I would go ahead & agree to meet with him & just get it done. If you go out with friends you'll be wondering about it & have it looming overhead for another day.
While it may (or may not) put him in his place, it creates another day of stress for you too.
I hope it will be a good opportunity for each of you to be open to hearing & considering the thoughts of the other.
Good luck!
OK, so I can understand the
OK, so I can understand the not wanting to worry about what is going to be said. How about keep your supper plans with your friend and tell him that you can't meet until 8.
I would be ready to kick his butt out MYSELF if he has left you in the dark all week. How emotionally abusive of him!
If you want to save your
If you want to save your marriage, then I would stay and talk. what sort of message will it send him if he thinks your plans with a friend are more important? You dont have to ass kiss him certainly, but at the same time now is not the time to play games. Yes, it feels like he is trying to be controlling-maybe he is, maybe he genuinely thought that would be a good time for you?
Thank you all so much for
Thank you all so much for your input. I did text him back. I agreed to the time but asked that we meet at the park since my daughter is home (and I don't know what is going to take place). I definitely feel this was a means of control for him, but at the same time I wanted him to know regardless of his actions im putting my marriage first. Im not moving on my position about our argument. I doubt he will either. So we'll see how this plays out. Ugh.
I'm sorry for what you are
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I don't think you should change plans for him when he would not do the same for you. You should tell him that day/time does not work for you- the same thing he did to you!
Sorry, I didn't finish
Sorry, I didn't finish reading the responses and see that you already met up with him! Well at least you got to talk and hear what he has to say and get your feelings out there. Hope things look up for you!
Thank you christenin. I think
Thank you christenin. I think if we do decide on the counseling, I've got to let him know this will not be acceptable in our marriage! Its the quickest and easiest way to not take responsibility. And its mean.
You should definitely try
You should definitely try counseling before separating/divorce! My DH and I did it (although he only went twice) and it helped. We need to go back though for other issues. It's always something!
What happened? I hope you
What happened? I hope you are doing ok.
Thank you for asking. I
Thank you for asking. I wasn't sure what to expect but he walked in the door and gave me a hug. I think it was a bit awkward because we are both hurt and haven't talked in a week. He asked if he could take me out to dinner, so we went out and just talked about everyday stuff. After that we got back home to talk. On some levels, things went great. On others, we hit a dead end. He feels like when I told him he would need to find a babysitter for SS, that I rejected his son. I look at it as if Im going yo be disrespected in my home and not get the support I need, then I am not going to watch the skids. A few days ago I scheduled an appt with a marriage counselor for this upcoming weekend. He agreed to go. We just keep butting heads on who comes first. I say spouse, he says kids. Grrr. So...overall it went ok. Im hoping the counselor can help us!!
I'm glad it went well. I'm
I'm glad it went well. I'm so happy you are going to counseling. It will make all the difference in the World!
Thank you. I hope so too!
Thank you. I hope so too!
One thing that I think he
One thing that I think he finally got was that, you do NOT run to your friends and family when we argue. We cannot preserve the marriage if one is unwilling to talk and make an effort but will open up to friends and family. I also told him if he left the house again and moved out, even if it's for one night, don't come back. He knew I meant it. I told him it was not fair to me or my children.
This is good! He was trying
This is good! He was trying to manipulate you into seeing things his way.
The good thing about marriage counseling is that will point out to your DH that YOU and your marriage come first. For some reason in our culture people think that the kids should always first. But they marriage needs to. Just as a house needs a strong foundation, so does a marriage. You also need to be a united front for your kids.
Things will really improve once you begin the counseling. Good luck Hon.