I would not do it behind his back.

If there is going to be an argument about it better to have it up front and be done with it. Is there a substantial difference in the sizes to make this all worth while?

In the end I'm with you providing you do it after the BM makes a final decision and you hash this out with your husband. Common sense tells me that if a room is to be left unused most of the time it should be the smaller of those available.

Perhaps if you remind him the situation can be reversed if after school is over and the girls wants (and is allowed) to move back. Maybe your son would prefer to wait until then to make sure he doesn't have to move twice.

Perhaps your boy could care less in which case this whole thing is manufactured to cause trouble. Wait wait wait - just saying not accusing.

I think you are proposing being incredibly disrespectful to your DH. Doing something behind someone's back so they don't have to deal with it like an adult is what teenagers do. You need to expect more of yourself as an adult woman and a mother.

SD has been gone TWO WEEKS. That's a vacation, not a permanent relocation. Wait and see... and TALK to your DH. I would bet you'd be hopping mad if he did this to you, so try to treat him the way you want to be treated. Simple common sense like that can go a long way in a marriage.

am i the only one wondering why bm gets to determine where this child lives? if she signed sd over 5 years ago because she couldn't handle her then, what has changed other than sd being older and stronger? is the change of residence going through the courts? it just seems to me that this child is going to be allowed to come and go pretty much as she pleases. what exactly is in the best interest of the child? i dunno, lots of unanswered questions, but i'd say if sd moves in with her bm, i'd let dh know that rooms were getting switched that day. i know we do not have an open-door policy in our home where a child can determine where they will be living, and if my ss went back to live with bm, we'd be letting him know that it would be permanently. too much unsettledness imo.

I agree with coca too much back and forth. If she is moving then she has no rights to that room. She has 2 rooms not fair for a nice big room being empty when it can and should be used for another child full time.

I would just tell my dh and so ot which i have. He didnt take me serious til i startes moving my son. I did it on our day off right in front of him. He didnt say much i think he was a little shocked.

One thing you need to remember us your son only has you to speak up for him but sd has too many people on her side. When wilk ut be your sons turn??? Who cares if dh gets mad is he the only one allowed to be in hus kuds side and your not allowed to be on your kuds side?

Cocoa brought up a overlooked point. A child of her age can be allowed to move out, and back, once. Then its all over until she graduates. IF s/he goes to college the subject can be considered again.

So when this move becomes permanent she's not allowed back.