new MIL agrees to watch grandkid Sat night....but ONLY HER GRANDKID, not mine....

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:jawdrop:

MIL stopped by yesterday to bring us a pizza. they had leftover pies at work from a party....so that was very nice of her......then, skid asks her if he can come sleep over this weekend....she proceeds to tell him yes how pop pop would love that, blah blah blah.........

my husband is running in a half marathon this weekend in the city. I have a broken hip and am on crutches. Due to that, we decided we'd ask MIL to watch all the kids on sat night, and we have to be at the marathon around 6am, which means be up and on the road at 5am, etc. a lot for the kids....

so, I mention the situation to her and ask if she'll take our 3 kids.....she says "well, we'll take SKID but I don't know about all THREE".......

now, let me add this: my mother watches ALL THREE KIDS all the time. Every day I work (sub teacher), my mom comes here in the morning, gets them all dressed, feeds them, takes them to school, etc. at least 3x a week. she's watched them all overnight, picks up from school, etc. NEVER ONCE DISCRIMINATING SKID and his autistic meltdowns, etc. She handles it the best she can, same as the rest of us..........

I kind of stood there when she said it and was SPEECHLESS....did she REALLY just say that???? My mom can take care of SKID but she can't take care of mine??????? I told my husband about it.....and even HE was speechless.

My mom was here too, and HEARD IT with her own ears. She works weekends, and called out of work to take care of MY KIDS so that they wouldn't have to be drug to a marathon at the crack of dawn......

What do I do??? Now i don't ever want my kids at my inlaws house EVER.........

My MIL is like this. One

My MIL is like this. One night she was having a sleepover at her house. SHe had SD come and BIL's 2 kids. She came to pick them up from my house. DD was so excited. I didn't realize she was excluding her. DD had her bag all packed and ready to go. MIL says oh YOU are not coming! Mean bitch. I still hate her. DD cried and cried all night. I felt so bad for her.

MIL excludes my DD from every single thing. And she makes it obvious. Poor DD is like oh well MIL hates me. And of all the kids, DD is the sweetest.

Why are these MIL's so mean to our kids?? I think they resent us so they hate our kids. I know my MIL was not happy about us getting married. She was jealous. Crazy bitch!!

What does your DH say about it?

^^^Now THAT is mean of your

^^^Now THAT is mean of your MIL to have handled your DD that way!!!!!!!! If she wasn't included, your MIL should've told you prior so that you could've had DD out of the house when MIL came to pick up skids or had other plans made with DD so it would've have impacted her to be excluded.

That's sad and cruel to do to a child. If I were your DH and my mother did that in front of me, I'd have told her "Fine, if you want to be mean and nasty to my stepdaughter, you're not taking your grandkids anywhere". Obviously, not force her to take your daughter, but definitely call her out on being mean to her!

My heart breaks for your daughter that she's treated so poorly by her stepdad's mother.

I think her DH should stay

I think her DH should stay home and watch his own kid. And OP should tell her DH and his mother that they can work out any and all child care arrangements for his kid from here on out, and stick to it.

MIL will change her tune fast.

I agree. I've gotta take

I agree. I've gotta take care of skid cuz he lives with me, but my mom certainly does not. but she does it to make all of our lives easier. Maybe this summer while we're all off for summer break, DH should find someone else besides me to take care of his kid 24/7.

Aggravated1, everyone on here likes to bash me cuz my skid is AUTISTIC. And I don;t like him. Like because he's got a disability, i should automatically just love him. they don't get it. He's a skid. Everyome else on here doesn't like to touch their skid, but when I don't like to touch mine, i'm EVIL. TOTAL DOUBLE STANDARDS....but it's fine. At least now I know where my kids stand with MIL. They will no longer be going to her house unless i'm with them.

Totally agree Echo.

I guess from now on, you can

I guess from now on, you can tell your mom that she doesn't have to watch Skid and call your MIL to watch him.

The point isn't that you have plans to do something and you asked her to babysit, the point is that she decided to pick and choose who she would keep.

If it were me? I would have my mom watch all 3, or just not go at all and be done with it.

Well, it is your mom's choice

Well, it is your mom's choice to watch all three kids and your MIL's choice to not watch them...I can see both sides of this coin.

Are your kids from a previous marriage or are they from your DH? Not that it matters to me, but MIL could view it as she's not bonded to them because she's not their blood relative, so she has no obligation to watch them.

I would never expect my mother to take SD - ever. On the same token, I would never expect DH's dad (his mom passed away 10 yrs ago, long before me) to take my daughter just because he was taking SD for the night.

Bottom line is MIL is clearly discriminating against your kids for whatever reason. There's really not much you can do about that. You can hate her for it, sure, but that doesn't mean she's gonna change.

How old are all the kids? Any way you can hire a babysitter for them so your mom doesn't have to take them this weekend? What does DH say about all this?

Sorry you have this type of dilemma and I wish I could offer more advice/assistance. I hope it all works out.

no, these are my bios, no

no, these are my bios, no relation to her. I get that. And, she takes skid other times and has one on one time with him and i think that's fine too. my mom does that occasionally with my boys. That's not the issue, the issue is that we asked her for a favor and right in front of skid and my mother, my kids bio grandma, she said no. even my mom was shocked! Point is, at least I know where I stand with MIL. good info to know so my kids don't go over there without me EVER

Are the other kids grandma's

Are the other kids grandma's bio's? Because if not, I totally get it. My mom doesn't do much with my SS and I understand, it is not her bio kid. She does include him if it is something big and has bought him Christmas gifts. But, she does way more for my BS17 because he is biologically linked to her.

Makes sense. We may not like it, but it is the facts and that is her perogative.

There may not be that

There may not be that biological link, but kids don't understand that. What happened to imjustthemaid's daughter is inexcusable! The same rules that apply to us stepmoms should apply to these women....you don't have to love them, but you cannot be cruel to them either.

There's still a better way of

There's still a better way of dealing with it though. A similar situation, I refuse to treat BM's other kids as partners like she does just because they're his kids half siblings. However, I don't think id have the heart to tell them they weren't invited if they'd got all ready to come with us when we picked up Skids. Or if I had to then i think I'd be a bit more tactful.

You are right, she doesn't

You are right, she doesn't have to. My mother doesn't have to either, but she does. Obviously I now knwo where my kids stand with MIL. and it's good I found it out NOW so i can just keep them away so they don't have to deal with her. I have no issues with her not liking or loving them, they are not any bio relation to her. But I get bashed for not loving skid when he's not my bio.....???? She's allowed to feel the way she does about my biios but i'm not allowed to feel the way I do about her bio grandson? how's that fair?

You are right, she doesn't

Yes, you are right. I get

Yes, you are right. I get it....I guess it bothered me becaue of the way she said it right in front of skid and in front of my mother. I know my mohter would never have, in a million years, said in front of her 'i'm only going to take my 2'....guess I expected her to behave the same.

I may not like my skid, but I do take care of him and help him with the things he can't do. everyone here gets my vents on my worst days with skid, but i'm really not as evil as everyone thinks. skid has autistic support services because of me. I know that what i've done for him in the past 4 years has significantly improved his life and abilities. I set up play dates for him with his little school buddies, same as I do for my kids. i advocate for his needs,consistently and daily. but I don't have to like him, and shouldn't be expected to, simply because he has special needs. THAT is what I don't get on this board with so many stepmoms and biomoms.

Here is what I do not get:

Here is what I do not get: Tons of SMs' on this website state "Not my biological child not my problem." but when something like this occurs they complain about their kids being 'discriminated' against. If we can say "Not my kid, not my problem." then the MIL should be able to say "Not my biological grandchild, not my problem." Pulling double standards is not cool. I agree that excluding the kids in front of their face is horrible but your MIL should not be expected to take your kids just because your Mother chooses to take your ss.

Besides your ss asked his grandmother if it would be okay to go to her house and she thought it would a great idea for his grandfather and her to spend time with their grandson. I do not think there is anything wrong with grandparents wanting to spend time with their grandchild. Your children are not her grandchildren just like your skid is not your child.

I believe that you and your children deserve not to be treated like crap by your in-laws but I also believe that they should not be forced to bond with, love or spend time with your children either just like you do not want to be bothered with your ss.

Guess step-Grandmas have

Guess step-Grandmas have similar feelings toward skids as us SMs! Never thought of that before. I can see it though.

Wait wait wait...you have

Wait wait wait...you have stated many times on this board how you don't like your step kid, you don't want to touch him, you tell everyone he is your stepson when they confuse the boys as brothers, he's gross, he's special needs...yet you turn around and want your MIL to want to watch her step-grandkids? Ain't that something? Why don't you take this time and enjoy it stepkid free?

I run and if the race starts early like they do here he could be home by noon.

Oh trust me, i'll be enjoying

Oh trust me, i'll be enjoying my skid free time, which I rarely ever get. And you are right, I don't like her grandson, but I don't ever exclude him from ANYTHING, nor do I mistreat him. AND I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO LIKE HIM SIMPLY BECAUSE HE HAS A SPECIAL NEEDS DIAGNOSIS.....everyone likes to throw that in my face, and it's a complete double standard.

Totally concur w/ w/ Echo and

Totally concur w/ w/ Echo and badtimesarecoming!!!!

Kudos to MIL for being honest

Some people would have said yes just to keep the peace. Then they would turn around and bitch about being stuck sitting the stepGKs.

SMH. Seriously?? If this is a

SMH.
Seriously??
If this is a SM, then she's perfectly within her rights to leave the step out of everything.
But, GOD FORBID it's the SM's kid who gets left in the cold...now GM's a "bitch." Um, no. The rules apply equally.
Besides, OP, you hate your damn SS and have said some truly awful things about him...WHY would you even want your kids around him?

Either stay home from the race and watch your own kids, take your kids along, or find a sitter for them.
Easy peasy.

Yes, the rules DO apply

Yes, the rules DO apply equally. But it's OK with all of you on here to say NOT HER GRANDKIDS NOT HER PROBLEM....I completely AGREE. But when i say NOT MY KID NOT MY PROBLEM when it relates to my skid, i'm EVIL because he's "special"......yeah that makes sense

equal opportunity OP Just

equal opportunity OP
Just don't do it in front of the children
Has for saying horrible things about a child who is autistic or has specials needs you are low. I am a mother of a austisic child. Don't you think his life is hard enought not being tipical. He knows he's not the same. You have a choice to be with DH his son does not!

I don't say horrible things

I don't say horrible things about SKID because of his diagnosis. i say them BECAUSE HES A SKID! that's what nobody on here gets....it's ok for ALL stepmothers on this board who don't like their skids not to like them, but for ME, because mine's autistic, it's NOT OK....complete double standard, all day every day. That's ok, i'm a big girl, tough, I can handle it. I come here to vent about having a skid and dealing with a skid, just like everyone else. If you read through some of my former posts, you will see that my skid's AUTISM DIAGNOSIS was ignored by his FATHER and by MIL and FIL, for 5 years. They just let him be for FIVE YEARS with no interventions. I met dad, told him somethings seriously wrong here, took him to doctors, neurologists, got him set up with pt ot speech therapy, etc. Now the child has a fighting chance. I joined an autism support group to help me learn how to do things to make his life easier. So I don't care what anyone says on this board, I have done more for this child than ANYONE biologically related to him. But I still don't wanna touch him, BECAUSE HES A SKID!!!!

Exactly!!! People need to

Exactly!!! People need to stick to the point and the facts...you are just like every other SM on here that dislikes their skid...it's because he isn't yours and you hate having to deal with someone elses fuck up!!!! PERIOD!!!

Stick to the damn point or don't reply to her posts...move along!!! UGH!!!

THANK YOU for using your

THANK YOU for using your noggin and reading the post, and not bringing up former posts which have nothing to do with this one! If my skid wasn't autistic, I STILL WOULDNT LIKE HIM....And any of you bio moms on here, send your kid to live with me and make him my SKID....i aint gonna like him either...so there it is...

LMFAO!!!! You are one

LMFAO!!!! You are one straight shooter...I fucking love and admire that!!!

The most important thing is that you keep it real!!! You own your feelings and don't back down just because someone shits on you or bullies/judges you.

Keep it up girl!!!

Better to be hated for who you truly are and how you truly feel then to be loved for being a fake ass bitch!!! (I had to put my own little twist on that famous quote)

See, i'm not on here to cry

See, i'm not on here to cry about my skid's autism. I think it sucks that he's got such challenges to face every single day. Even more sad that none of his BIO FAMILY did a fucking thing about it. I'm on here to be REAL about that I HAVE A SKID THAT I DONT LIKE....Both of my kids are special needs too, both have PTSD, my oldest has meltdowns, etc. that drive me fucking crazy. Way worse than any meltdowns skid has. But he's my bio, so I complain about him in another place. I come here to complain ABOUT A SKID. ANY SKID. GAY, STRAIGHT, FAT, SKINNY, BLUE EYES, LONG HAIR, AUTISM, HONOR ROLL, ATHLETE, WHATEVER.....A SKID IS A SKID.....and I don't like SKIDS!!!

AMEN SISTER!!! WE DON'T

AMEN SISTER!!!

WE DON'T DISCRIMINATE WE LOATHE THEM ALL!!! }:)

Keep on keepin' it real....

Many valid points and I agree

Many valid points and I agree with many of them. I agree that the same rules apply for SM & GP. I do not like my BF's kid or being around him, and I certainly would never expect anyone in my family to take him or do anything for or with him as I would not do it either. Fair enough.

However...I think the MAIN POINT of this post was to state how MIL handled the situation. I truly believe the OP gets that GM is not obligated to take her bios just as OP's mother is not obligated to take skid, it is her CHOICE as it is & should be SM's choice to do anything or nothing for her DH's kid(s). But then again she has no problem taking her bio's many other times right along with skid so I wonder why this occasion is any different??? But, yes, it is still her choice not to...

I personally think that eventhough GM had every right to say that she doesn't want to take OP's bios she could have handled it better and more tactfully. IMHO.

Kittttkatttt, I wish that

Kittttkatttt, I wish that were possible. But she doesn't mind skid most of the time. She knows that none of his bio family ever did anything about his special needs. She doesn't understand either how MIL, who's a fucking MOTHER, sat back and ignored her grandson's autism, while he lived under her roof! it shows me what kind of person she really is. And why would i even want my kids around her? I don't. so they won't be. someone posted why would i want my kids around skid, cuz i don't like him. But why wouldn't i want them around skid. It gives skid peer to peer interaction daily. And my kids LOVe their brother. Yeah they pick on him, but the same way they pick on eachother, they are equal opportunity kids, they don't look at him like he's not their 'bio' brother or not. If they are wrestling, they wrestle him too. All of his therapists say it's GREAT for skid to have brothers that kind of force him to 'engage' socially. it's a win win for all the kids. Still don't mean I gotta like skid....

Your child is your child; no

Your child is your child; no one is required to or should be expected to babysit them.

It is what it is. Maybe

It is what it is. Maybe because she can't handle several kids at one time or maybe because it isn't her blood kin and she feels no responsibility. Not everybody has a kind and giving nature. Your MIL just showed you she's lacking in the generosity and compassion department and doesn't mind excluding your child. She could have made it clear from the get go that she doesn't want to watch your kids, but now you know.

And when MIL gets older and needs your attention/help, you are just as free to tell her that she's not your "real" mom and you don't want to help her. Let DH handle her and his kids.

Detach. I would just guard my own bios from this woman and not ask her for anything. She doesn't want to be their GM. And she has the right not to want to be. Make your own arrangements for your bios with your family. If your DH wants her to watch his kid, he should ask her. I'd bite my tongue off before I'd ask her for anything ever again and I would not offer to help her in any way/shape/form either.

That's why blending a family is so hard, most people involved don't really want to cooperate.

f

If you do not mind me asking

If you do not mind me asking dledden,why don't you like your skid? I have not been on this website long i.e. I have not read many of your post but most SPs I know do not like skids for very clear reasons not just because they are a skid.

It's hard to say exactly WHY

It's hard to say exactly WHY I don't like him. I think a lot of it has to do with his FATHER, and MIL/FIL. Skid has no baby momma to speak of, so he's been spoiled with toys and things and just crap instead of what he really needed which was someone to advocate for his needs. His autism was IGNORED for 5 years! He thinks he doesn't have to listen to me, and his father reinforces that. he expects everyone to do everything for him, and i refuse, because i know he's capable of so much more. nobody's ever had any expectations of him in his life. I refuse to just let his struggles just 'be'. So, he fights me, i fight back, he pushes, i push back. So, we kind of butt heads a lot. A lot of why I don't like him goes back to the bio family. He whines and cries all the time when he doesn't get his way and when my kids wanna play with him and he doesn't wanna play he whines and cries and he hits and bites and a host other behaviors. I know he can control his behaviors because he never misbehaves for his father. EVER. So the manipulation also annoys the shit out of me.

He's really not an AWFUL kid but he's not MINE, so I just don't feel love for him like a mother feels for a bio.

Thank you

Thank you smithsgirl.....that's all I was trying to say.

Tasha & dledden....I LOVE you guys! You are refreshingly honest. Always.

Damn right Hippiegirl...we

Damn right Hippiegirl...we always try to keep it real

Hippiegirl, I now have a girl

Hippiegirl, I now have a girl CRUSH on you

Considering her comment "I

Considering her comment "I don't know about all three" have you considered that maybe taking on three kids felt overwhelming for her or her husband? Rather than finding so much fault lets just count the blessing of having one of the two grandmas willing to take on all three.

Starting a war over this seems silly. NOBODY is required to babysit your kid.

She's watched all 3

She's watched all 3 before.....and, she has 3 other bio grandkids who, because of my sister in law's really bad MS and other health issues, she takes care of all the time. it was made clear that her bios are OK, and mine are not. that's OK...now I know where they stand with her, and where I stand too...all good things to know!

Just my experience, but MIL

Just my experience, but MIL here is a daycare PROVIDER, like watches other people's kids for a living, and she doesn't take my DD EVER when she has sleepovers with SD. Many times she comes and gets SD when both kids are here and SD has of course bragged all day about all of the fun things they are going out to do (because she can't simply just go to MIL's house and spend time with her, it has to be a big shopping/eating out/arcade/assorted other activity outing)and DD gets upset. I get other posters pointing out that what's good for the goose is good for the gander, but it would NEVER be ok for me to just take my kids out somewhere and blatantly exclude SD from that activity. Which is precisely what is the typical situation.

You are here

new MIL agrees to watch grandkid Sat night....but ONLY HER GRANDKID, not mine....