I am sick and tired of the fact that my spineless husband always takes his mom's side
I had a mental breakdown, just don't know how to cope with it.
The conversation between my husband and I went like this this afternoon,
H, "babe, can you pick up sd7 from school this afternoon?"
I, "Okay."
H, "Okay, because I am going to take my mom for Christmas shopping." (This is a woman who hasn't spoken to me for two weeks. but I managed to keep quiet.)
I, "Okay, then, but I want to let you know that it will be awkward that if I bump into her, so make sure that you call me before you guys finish shopping. I don't want to have dinner with her, no ugly suprises."
H, (slowly raising his voice) " I don't understand why it is so difficult to have dinner with my mom. She is not going to kill you."
I, "well, I want to remind you that she still wants to break us up after how many years we have been married?"
H, "Fuck you then, you always hit below the belt."
I, "Tell your next girlfriend how aweful I am, just like you told me about your ex wife. You ass hole."
Now, here I am, sitting in front of starbucks with tears in my eyes.
I've been taking care of HIS daughter for years, and I got this. He chose his mother over me.
I want your honest opinion. Am I out of line, or he is just a spineless asshole.
I wouldn't call him spineless
I wouldn't call him spineless so much as delusional and in need of cutting the apron strings. It sounds like he completely forgives her for her trying to break you up and doesn't see why you won't. And considers you bringing it up as hitting below the belt.
You are not out of line. I don't understand how that was below the belt but then again, if my parents tried to split up DH and me, I wouldn't be talking to them much less taking them Christmas shopping so....
Okay. thank you in your
Okay. thank you
in your opinion, how do I deal with it?
Question: did you start this
Question: did you start this relationship while he was still married? B/c it sounds like you have trust issues? Sorry not trying to be disrespectful but trying to figure out the comment you made about his "next girlfriend"
oh of course not. I married
oh of course not. I married him when he's been divorced for like 2 years.
I would probably ask him why
I would probably ask him why telling him the truth behind why it's so hard for you to have dinner (or see) your mother is "hitting below the belt". And why her trying to break you up doesn't induce anger, but you saying she is does, but that the anger is directed at you?
If this is consistent, I'd tell you you need to think about what you're willing to live with. I don't know anything else about your situation, but when you get married you start a new family and pull away from your old one. If he doesn't get that and isn't willing to protect your relationship and you from his mother, then unless you're willing to have your needs and feelings behind his mothers, you need to tell him he has to step up and fix it with you (counseling with actual progress) or you need leave.
Either way you approach it, you need to be ready to back up what you say with action, not just more words.
Of course if my husband said "fuck you" to me, I would have told him, I'm sorry I can no longer do you a favor. I don't do favors for people that disrespect me or to help others do favors for those that disrespect me."
I know you're hurt, but you need to suck it up and stand up for yourself.
My immediate thought when I
My immediate thought when I read your post was this was the guy you married. I.e. he may be spineless but maybe that was why you married him. Now I don't know, I wans't there, but maybe because you could get your way a lot you thought marrying him would be a good idea.
Would any of his friends say his wife bosses him around? You not afraid of the language: p...ywhipped? Just sayin.......
If so well you've got to take the good with the bad. Right now Mom is in charge and you'll just have to wait her out. Eventually you'll be top dog. Be honest with yourself because if its true at least you'll know why you're in this situation.
However the request you made is reasonable. You didn't say he had to come right home, you didn't complain about him not taking you shopping - you said go right ahead just make sure we don't cross paths. Seems reasonable to me. Maybe he's been making excuses to Mom for your behavoir - avoiding Mom. Ask him if that's why he's so irritated and if he says yes tell him to quit doing it. Tell Mom the truth. You don't like being with her because bla bla bla whatever it is.
Hope some of this helps.
My MIL has to be one of the
My MIL has to be one of the evilest person I have ever met. Maybe compare to Adam Lanza she is a saint, but just saying..
I don't know if I complained too much caused the problem. I have to admit that i do indeed complain a lot to my husband. My husband did defend me, but he felt that past is past, I should have let it go. Well, problem is that I cannot let problem go because promble (his mom) is still a very active part of our lives.
She first of all favors sd7 over our bio son. She never gave our baby boy the time of day. That pisses me off. She always compares me to my dh's ex wife, she always thought that I would betray dh just like she did (She dumped him and moved in with another guy)
It doesn't matter how much I did for her son, she never appreicated me. Well, I am okay if she didn't like me, well, feeling is mutual as I didn't like her either, but she took it out on her own grandson, that to me is out of line.
Also, I feel like a bitch for
Also, I feel like a bitch for saying it, but my MIL is 70 something years old with excellent health, she will perhaps live up to 100 years old. Not like I want her to die or anything, I just am not sure if I can put up with her for another 30 something years. I just want her to butt out.
fdh is much the same way. i'm
fdh is much the same way. i'm expected to take whatever dirty shit his family wants to dish out, never speak up for myself, never get angry, just take it and smile and act like it didn't happen. because that's what is easiest for HIM. too damn bad. i'm not doing it. i told him a long time ago if he doesn't like the way i stick up for myself, he could stick up for me, but since he won't, he can shut his damn pie hole and deal with it, cuz i'm not laying down for those assholes to walk on.