4 year old SD not wanting to come over anymore!!?! Acting out. How to handle
My 4 year old SD does not want to come over anymore. When my husband goes to pick her up from her biological mom she ignores him, acts like a baby and whines. But 15 min with us her personality completely changes. Today she said she doesn't want to come over and stay at mommys all the time. I told her that if she doesn't want to be a part of the family he won't be able to see her grandparents or puppies or anyone, she said okay. And I asked if she was sure. Once again said yes. Later on in the day I asked her about what she said and she had the same response. She is pretty advanced for a four year old and grasps things that an older child should. Her moms house she rules the roost. Does what she wants, sleeps in bed every night with her mom and has no bed time. Her mom is a very young mother who has no job and lives with her dad ad just let's her play on the lap top an watch tv all day. I know this is coming from her house being a free for all and our house having structure and rules. How do I stop this resentful behavior and acting out before it ony get worse? I knew this day would come bc of the two very different households but not at age 4. Help!!
I'm going through the same
I'm going through the same thing with my fiance's kid. She's very sweet, and once my fiance brings her home she settles down after awhile, but initially when he goes to pick her up from the BM she freaks out and says how she doesn't like him, doesn't want to go with him, etc etc. It hurts his feelings even though he doesn't tell her that, which I don't know if that would help the situation or not. I think she gets away with a lot more at her mom's house than she does at ours, (including the co-sleeping thing, which has been a damn nightmare at our house) so that might contribute to it, but I'm just at a loss as to how to help the situation. Have you had any luck since? Or is this just a phase that we'll have to power through?
Try and give her some time to
Try and give her some time to let her do some of the things that she does at her BM's house.
For example: my fiancé lives with his parents, but we are all moving on together next month. He has sole custody of the kids. The kids are used to sleeping in their own beds to fall asleep, but then they end up wandering into their grandparents bed to try and sleep with them in the middle of the night because they feel lonely.
Whenever I have slept over at my fiancé's house, I told them that they had to stay in their own beds, but when my fiancé went to work and I was alone with the kids, I told them that we'd have a sleepover and watch a couple of movies with popcorn and stuff.
And whenever we move in together next month, I will do the same. If I'm off work and their father is working, we will still have sleepovers.
Just like in any relationship, you sometimes just have to compromise a bit with them to make them happy.
Dad needs to step up to the
Dad needs to step up to the plate and simply exercise his visitation. And pick the battles that are worth fighting.
I would kiss the sky if my
I would kiss the sky if my skids didn't want to come to my house anymore.
Treat it like any other
Treat it like any other discipline issue. She's four. She doesn't get to decide or plan or dictate diddly squat. If she whines and says she doesn't want to go you say I'm sorry you feel that way, pick her up and buckle her into her car seat. If she throws a tantrum you ignore her until she alms down and then interact with her as if nothing had happened. Extinguish the behavior. Little kids don't do we'll with transitions and often have separation anxiety. It's normal.
I've had one bio kid pull
I've had one bio kid pull this, and one step-kid. With my bio kid, I was quite clear that she had to go - it was her dad and SMs time and she needed to come to terms with it. I'm the most involved mom, but I also won't let her disrespect or alienate her BD or SM. My SD (5 now) sometimes says she doesn't want to come here. Then BM tries finding ways to get her to not come. Honestly, it pisses me off pretty hard. My advice, from this perspective, is to make sure he is exercises his rights and for her to understand (like Rainbows said) that she does not control that. ((hugs))
This is pretty simple to
This is pretty simple to address. Don't discuss it. She comes, PERIOD!! End of problem. 4yo kids have the memory of an gnat and will move on pretty quickly.
DH picks her up, straps her in to the car seat and she visits. She screams a bit, passes out, wakes up and is happy as a clam.
End of problem.
However, if BM is PASing SD-4 then you nail BM's ass to the wall by getting CPS involved regarding BM's manipulations.
Kids do not decide if they want to visit the NCP on the court ordered visitation schedule. It is the NCP who decides and the kids and the CP suck it up and deal with it. Just as the NCP has to suck it up when they want kid time that is usually alloted to the CP.
This is one of the few areas where the NCP has significant leverage. The NCP gets their alloted time and if they chose to skip one then so be it. The CP has to deal with it.
In our blended family adventure we are the CP family with all of the advantages that go with that. When my SS-20's SpermIdiot and SPermClan chose to not take a visitation it was on us to deal with it. If they wanted their time we had no choice but to put the kid on a plane. When my DW and I married when SS-20 was 1yo I commited to her and to him (not that he remembers) that I would never prevent him from having a relationship with his SpermClan. We never did prevent or jeopardize the relationship. There were many battles during the years the CO was in effect but we never failed to deliver the kid for SpermIdiot visitation unless THEY canceled the visitation.