Totally different styles and ideas of parenting
Here's the run down: I was raised by two police officers in a home that was fairly strict, but very fair. You behave, you get privileges. I was a wild child in my teens, but because I followed the house rules and was smart enough to never get caught I was never in trouble and had lots of freedom. I was raised in a home where I was 100% accountable for my choices and their consequences. Now, as an adult, I do realize the down side is that I still- even as an adult- seek approval of my parents that seems to be a touch elusive. But, I know my parents both love me, and they are proud of me.
My husband was raised in a family that he feels pushed too hard. You had to be the best at everything. Not even good, THE BEST.
So here we are.... 3 SK's.
I think his kids are spoiled, and have never been accountable for anything in their lives. Whenever poor choices have resulted in a negative consequence, daddy has always been at the ready to intervene.
Now the youngest is 15 and acting out. In my opinion, DH indulges this behavior and coddles, only reinforcing it. He thinks I am cold and the child needs "understanding".
Anyone else been in this boat?
Skid is 5, so he is younger,
Skid is 5, so he is younger, but he is totally out of control and intolerable. DH encourages it through inaction, coddles him, infantilizes him, indulges his every whim, and is a complete pushover. He says I am cold, have no tolerance, no patience, and am too strict. I say he is delusional.
So, you were always held
So, you were always held accountable for your choices, BUT...you were a wild child as a teen and never got caught??
Seems contradictory.
Anyway, different parenting styles are ok. My DH and I are, I feel, totally different parents. (He disagrees.) We aren't having children together, so it's all good. He parented his kids as he saw fit, and I'm doing the same. No arguments. It's lovely.
Yes, it does seem
Yes, it does seem contradictory, but it is not.
I got good grades, went to school, took care of my chores which were extensive, and kept an acceptable room. Because of that I earned privileges. I was smart enough to know that if I wanted to go party, get high, or have sex I nest not be caught. So I wasn't.
When I made an error I was fully accountable for that mistake and had to pay for it dearly. I had to own it. Example: I got fired at 16 from a job for not conforming to the uniform. No sympathy from the parents about how "unfair" it was. Their feeling was it's called work for a reason, you don't have to like it or look good doing it. Get another job or no car.
SD20 gets fired from a job and claims to DH that it was because "she was so beautiful that the owners wife was jealous of her". And he buys it. Really? It's not because.... let's see.... you are lazy, late to work, always texting, and rude to customers? Oh no, thats right... you're too pretty.
WTF!!!
OMG. i can totally see sd
OMG. i can totally see sd saying something like that. in fact, i've always expected it. the closest she's actually come is saying "girls don't like me." i know exactly what she was hinting at. it's not because of how she looks, it's because she's stupid and irritating and does that fake "i'm so dainty and cute, listen to my fake and ridiculous laugh whenever you say anything at all, even if it's not funny" around guys.
she did get fired after 2 days at a deli/convenience store because she couldn't figure out how to use a cash register. her excuse is that she was never trained. (eye roll)
Yep, I have been there. My
Yep, I have been there. My two younger brothers (one surviving) and I were raised by Ward and June Cleaver clones only mom and dad made Ward and June look like poor parents and poor partners. Our childhood was all about accountability for our actions and the family.
My wife was also raised in a long term intact family though my ILs were more about instant gratification than accountability though they did raise 4 children (my wife is their oldest) to adulthood with no criminal records.
For background purposes: My wife was a 16yo single teen mom, the SpermIdiot was a 22yo statutory rapist (though not charged or convicted). My wife and I married when SS was 1yo and shortly before my wife turned 19 and before SS turned 2.
Our son (my SS-20) is a viable young man and was for the most part a good kid. However, when he was in his pre-teens and teens my wife and I had some differences on parenting. Ultimately I refused to coddle our son and I adopted the "If you don't like how I parent and discipline then you had better get it done before I have to." model. So I parented and disciplined as I felt best until she started stepping up and taking care of business.
So, I suggest that you notify your DH that you will parent and discipline as YOU see fit and if he does not like it then he had better step up and get it done before you have to.
Good luck.