I Engaged for half and hour to show who's boss.

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I have a stepson who is 12, diagnosed with adhd, odd, ocd - you name it. He's been getting away with being an absolute asshole because of his condition. I have had countless arguments with SO about his sons behaviour. He thinks because he is only here 4 days a month I should have been able to cope. 2 years this went on, with me disengaging to my absolute limits.

Then 6 weeks (3 visits ago) after telling his father I will no longer put up with the rude snide comments, his bullying of my 9 year old BD and disrespect of myself and my home. We sat down together with SS12, and I told him that I was no longer prepared to cop the shit, towards me or my children, and he needed to show respect for our property etc etc or he would no longer be welcome in my home at all.

And guess what - the adhd odd ocd uncontrollable child has started to show control and had 3 great visits. Behaved tremendously. I don't know, but I think by me ignoring him he just got worse and worse. And I hate to speak too soon but 3 good visits is promising.

I am still not engaged, don't go watch him play footy, don't cook his meals, don't do his washing, speak to him only when asked a direct question, but life is so much more peaceful when he's not being an asshole to absolutely everyone.

Anyone else had any luck like this with temporary engagement and then back to disengaged?

GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I think

GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I think that the conversation with your SS was more for yourself and your daughter than for your DH or SS (Although it benefits everyone, your primary motivation was for YOU). Disengaging isn't about ignoring everything or not doing anything... it's about doing what YOU want to do and what feels good or benefits YOU.

In this case it was a win win for everyone! Good job!

It certainly was a win win.

It certainly was a win win. And I wished I had done it two years ago instead of waiting for his father to do it.

Yes, kind of - just to lay

Yes, kind of - just to lay down rules and boundaries. I think what you did was excellent - and as you say, just goes to show the little so and so CAN behave properly if given an incentive!

Thanks kes, I have been

Thanks kes, I have been reading an awful lot on here and I really respect your opinion.

It would not have worked if

It would not have worked if it came from you, it was DH who drew that line in the sand.

Nope. According to FDH and

Nope. According to FDH and BM, anxiety and diabetes excuse all behavior.

I agree with you 100% ECHO!!!

There is NO EXCUSE for shitty behavior or disrespect EVER!!! I don't care if they are your partner's kids or not...EVERYONE has the same standard expected of them when they are in your home!!! And you have EVERY RIGHT to tell anyone that they are NOT welcome in YOUR home if they do not and will not behave properly and show respect to the people in that home and the property belonging to them as well. PERIOD.