I am new to this site, but have been reading for quite sometime. I have 2 grown daughters and 2 grown step children boy 31 and daughter 23. I need some help. I have been in counseling for the last six months and still can't get to be where I feel content in my relationship.

My husband and I married 9 yrs ago. From the day we decided to marry, it has been hell with his daughter and the ex wife. Some history- husband had been in relationship with another women when we started dating. After they spilt she sued him for divorce. And then the ex wife sued for more CS. And then for everything she could find to take husband back to court. She even tried to have me declared unfit. Didn't happen. The problem that I have is stood beside him and stood up for him in every situation that has come our way. Two years ago I found out that my husband had give stepson 30 percent of our income to help him make it in the industry they work in. Two years before i found out. He didn't discuss this with me. When the stepdaughter turned 21 he gave her over 15k that was to be used for school. She used it to live on and pay for new breast. And she doesn't even have an associate degree after 4 yrs. the stepson got a girl pregnant 3 yrs ago and we help out as much as we could, I think 30 percent is quite enough. He just recently got married and we were asked to contribute 5k because her parents didn't have enough money and they/she wanted a big wedding. So we did.

Husband has helped my kids but I expect them to pay us back and both of my daughters have student loans. Not saying my kids are perfect definitely not. But I won't let them talk or say disrecptful things to husband or me. The SD has taken pictures of me and my home and given to ex and then was put on Internet. Constant nasty emails. Husband says dont read them and he can't do anything. now the new daughter in law and her mom doesn't like me because of what SD has told her and I called her out on something she said about a medical issue and the ex sent me a email about it. Again my fault for saying anything and the daughter in law lied and said she didn't say it.

These are just the tip of the ice berg. I have not always handled things correctly, but I get tired of taking crap from them and making nice. My husband and I separated for a week and then started counseling but he says now things are in the past.

I don't think he will ever stand up for me and that is a decision I have to look at. I am also wondering if I am wrong for not wanting to be around any of them at all. No holiday, BDays etc. I don't care if he does and I encourage him to go. Am I wrong for telling him this. I am trying to do anything to save this marriage but I feel like I am at fault all the time and going crazy.... Any thoughts..